To feel like i've gone backwards since separating

[Upordown]

I've worked hard all my life (i'm 51) as has my ex. Through working and buying old houses and doing them up, we had a lovely home. AIBU to feel like I've lost what I've worked and I'll never adjust to my new situation? I think IABU in that I've managed to buy a fairly decent house (by taking on a project), but I'll never make it back to where I was - and that feeling of relative financial security that 2 wages gave me. I do sob over pictures of my old house as it seems so impossible it was once mine (ours) and all the work i did to make it a family home.😢

Of course YANBU. You're going through a separation which is hard whatever the circumstances and if you've had to move out of what was your family/shared home it's natural you'll feel sad. I think though you'll feel like this for a while you'll come through it and make a new home and feel it's right for you again. It takes time.

Was your split quite recent?

Its impossible to separate and not reduce your material living standards. Your emotional wellbeing should ultimately improve and your life should be better overall.

Forget what your used to have and think about the future. Many people who separate travel for adventure or try to rediscover themselves rather the person who was one half of a couple.

It's been 2 months, though separated in our old home before that. I think I've been so busy - probably pushed myself to keep decorating every weekend, that it's just hit me that what i worked for has gone. Lots of things have gone wrong too like leaks in the plumbing...feel a bit run down now.

It's strange that in many ways i feel more alive, like my old spirit is returning. I think you're right that i need to put my past in the past. I thought I was doing well til this weekend.

Just to say: you are doing well. When you look back on this thread in a years time you'll be so grateful to your strong self that braved it! I promise. Or come and find me 👍

Thanks Hairyhat. I hope you're right - it's taken every once of strength to get this far. I guess 2 months is nothing after building a life with someone for 30 years. As long as I can keep my job, I'll get through it