To ask for advice on how to deal with a child obsessed with my DD

[LaDilettante]

My DD is 5.5 and in Year 1 and a girl in her class is obsessed with her to the point where it’s causing my DD a lot of anxiety. It started in January while still in reception , then COVID happened so I let it rest to see how it would pan out in January.

Basically this girl is following her around and will shout or cry if other kids are trying to play with my DD. She sits next to my DD and pokes her or calls her constantly to get her attention when my DD is trying to to her school work. She will also try to kiss her and hug her even when my DD tells her to stop. I’ve witnessed it myself, the worst incident being squeezing her so hard that my DD screamed she couldn’t breather and started crying. I had to intervene despite the mum standing right next to her daughter.

This girl exhibits a similar behaviour with another girl who is good friends with my DD as she’s often trying to break them up. Just to add, my DD is very confident and very sociable. In fact she seems to know a lot of kids, a lot of adults and pretty much all the dogs of the neighbourhood.

I’d like to email the teacher about this but not sure how to proceed. I feel a bit sorry for this girl because I can see she doesn’t have a lot of friends but the kids see very quickly that she doesn’t listen to them and is pretty much in their face. My two main gripes is that she needs some guidance about respecting other people’s personal space and that despite telling my DD to sit at another table in class, this girl will kick another kid out to sit next to her and talk at her while my DD is trying to her school work or listen to the teacher.

So if you’re a parent ,how did you approach a similar situation?

If you’re a teacher, what can be done to alleviate the situation?

Funnily enough, we have had exactly this with my DS and a boy in his class. We have brought it up repeatedly with the teacher and all my son gets is ‘you have to play with everyone’. My DS gets in trouble for not wanting to play with him etc etc, so do tread carefully.

I mean it has become so bad that when the boy recently spat in my DS’ face, my DS was delighted because ‘if he does it again, he’s not allowed to play with me’...

@VestaTilley Couldn’t agree more on teaching kids and girls in particular to put up with unwanted behaviour.

@Luckystar1 Your poor son! That’s completely unacceptable! I completely disagree with ‘you have to play with everyone’. I can understand with little kids at nursery as they’re learning about social interactions. But as they get older they get a better grasp of friendship and how to react to other kids. I tell my daughter she doesn’t have to play with somebody if she doesn’t want to as long it’s said in a respectful manner. Likewise other kids don’t have to play with her if they don’t want to.

@VestaTilley

You need to tell the teacher urgently.

It’s very sad but this girl needs help - she’s displaying behaviour that would make me worry about what’s happening to her at home- that’s a safeguarding issue and teachers should have picked up on it - please raise it if they haven’t.

Also, your daughter doesn’t deserve this to happen to her. She deserves to be left alone, to make other friends and to learn in peace. As a society we teach girls to accept what happens to them, even if they don’t like it or it makes them uncomfortable - she doesn’t have to put up with this.

Please pursue it with the teacher and Head if necessary.

I agree with most of your post, but what makes you think it’s a potential safeguarding issue? My understanding of the OP’s post is that the other child likely has SEN and clearly no understanding of social boundaries. Assuming there is no other background we are unaware of, this is no-one’s fault. The child’s parents obviously need help to understand their daughter’s difficulties and both the parents as well as the teachers need to implement strategies to properly support her in school with her peer interactions. I speak as the mum of a little girl with SEN and I can totally imagine her behaving in the same way as the child in this scenario. I would be devastated if anyone made the assumption that she must come from a neglectful/abusive background because of this :(

I don’t think there’s any abuse or neglect going on. I obviously don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors but I often chat with the mum on the way back from drop off or when we bump into each other in the local park. What I do know is that she doesn’t notice her daughter’s behaviour and that he daughter is often left out from the group of kids playing in the park and some kids actually running away from her which is heartbreaking.

I’ve emailed the teacher outlining my concerns. I didn’t mention SEN as it’s not my place and the only issue I have I would consider a safeguarding issue is about respecting other people’s personal space and body. I was tempted to mention something about understanding social boundaries and navigating friendships but I don’t think it’s the teacher’s job to be honest. I think it’s something for the parents.