To think it’s not about big family christmases?

[InspirationUnavailable]

Apologies if this has already been done to death.

But AIBU for thinking that when it comes to Christmas get togethers, no one is imagining huge family dos with great aunt Enid and second cousin Roger all getting together for a mass meet up? But rather, it’s just a plea for those who aren’t living with their nuclear family to have one or two loved ones close at an important time?

I’m thinking of young adults who live in grotty flat shares and don’t have families of their own, people who live alone, those that maybe don’t have close links to areas where they live and want to travel to be closed to loved ones in another part of the country.

I know I would be gutted if my DC weren’t able to come back as they would spend Christmas alone in their room with a couple of slightly odd flatmates they found on the internet!

So my AIBU is - should the government allow a slight loosening of restrictions, but still preventing a complete Christmas free for all, to ensure that the vast majority of people can see a loved one at Christmas? Even if that means pissing off lots of people for whom any loosening of restrictions wouldn’t be of any benefit (e.g. families who already live together not being able to see grandparents)?

It goes without saying, this is would also not be an approach that benefits the economy, but would be purely for wellbeing.

So my AIBU is - should the government allow a slight loosening of restrictions, but still preventing a complete Christmas free for all, to ensure that the vast majority of people can see a loved one at Christmas?
What is the point of asking this when we know the govt are going to give more than a slight loosening of restrictions? Do you not watch or read the news?

In Scotland here. As I understand it, as of today, in higher Tiers, Christmas gatherings would be illegal. The idea is that some small gatherings are decriminalised - not subject to fixed penalty fine- but guidance would not in itself change - avoid if you can.
Big Nic just said that they are still not in agreement, but are weighing up the COVID risks vs mental health & isolation effects.
So chances are your DC can visit you if that suits you all.

Considering what they did at Eid, I think its pretty disgusting they are going all out to 'save christmas'.

I totally agree with you and it's really pissing me off everyone assuming that everyone's idea of a "normal" Christmas is a great big extended family gathering. Not everyone does that and a lot of people, of all ages, have spent an unhealthy amount of time on their own this year already. I'm willing to self isolate if it's legal for me to travel to see my immediate family. I've even got a hotel booked as backup but right now I can't even visit their garden!

Everyone is different.

What it's about 'to me' is being able to socialise with people you want to see and hopefully who make you happy, without it being anyone else's business.

To be given real facts and a robust discussion being had with different experts opinions being aired as well as government sanctioned ones and being treated like an adult, being able to carry out my own risk assessment.

But I know this isn't going to happen.

What will happen is restrictions eased for a short period which will mean lots of people cramming in lots of visits to lots of people in a short period of time. Which is likely to cause far more transmission of viruses and infections than having a longer break from restrictions but asking people to be sensible and spread out their visits, wash hands regularly (norovirus can be just as deadly for the vulnerable).

I think that’s what these measures are about, just making sure that there is some provision for small groups to get together so no one is alone if they don’t want to be. Judging by what I’ve seen today though a lot of people are wanting to achieve a huge family Christmas. Plenty seem to be falling out already over who can be in whose bubble etc before we even really know what the rules will be.
(Personally I think it’s a bad idea and will be sitting out of it and having a small Christmas with my household only).

I'm a bit annoyed tbh that all these decisions are being made so that people can have their "big christmas" when that's not a good idea for the soread of covid, and many people aren't actually that fussed.

Personally, with a baby due in february, I'd much rather have christmas at home with just DH or with one other household, so that in the spring we'll be in a situation where our parents can meet the new baby!

Shall we just wait and see what Boris says later today

NO NO NO

Celebrate when we have a vaccine.

I totally agree. I’m genuinely not saying this because I feel it applies to me, and ordinarily I would be more than happy to stay at home with my DH and DC for Christmas, but having lost my DM this year, I want to see my DDad. I live too far away to be his support bubble and thankfully he has my DB for this, but I would love to see him for just one day around Christmas time. For both of our sakes, as this is going to be a very tough time for us this year, and I have barely seen him this year as it is! But I’m definitely not hoping for a big family celebration.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Considering what they did at Eid, I think its pretty disgusting they are going all out to 'save christmas'.

What did they do at Eid? They didn't lift any of the restrictions, is that what you are referring to? Or was there something else going on at that time, I honestly don't know

Surely everyone will just do what they want to do. The majority of people l know are not doing lockdown properly. It's all ABT personal risk. And l say this as someone who is a key worker who has worked as normal since the beginning of this .

At Eid they made the announcement at 10:30 the night before, when families had already bought and cooked their food! It's not as if the timing of Eid is some huge surprise...

What did they do at Eid? They didn't lift any of the restrictions, is that what you are referring to? Or was there something else going on at that time, I honestly don't know

At Eid they made the announcement at 10:30 the night before, when families had already bought and cooked their food! It's not as if the timing of Eid is some huge surprise

Exactly that. Effectively cancelled it with a couple of hours to spare, now everyone is going crazy trying to 'save christmas'.

What is the point of asking this when we know the govt are going to give more than a slight loosening of restrictions? Do you not watch or read the news?

I do watch and read the news - thanks for checking - but had missed this. Perhaps it had subconsciously resonated and made me think to post this!

I definitely disagree with the way the government handled Eid and Diwali, especially as they were very vocal in calling for a virtual Diwali and sent a clear message that this year would be different.

This is largely me just selfishly wanting to see my DD. I would be beyond happy with a small Christmas this year with just my DC - however I don’t live with them.

It’s this halfway house which I think makes it worse too - if we weren’t bombarded with adverts with families together, and Christmas for all intents and purposes still ‘happening’, then the sense of separation would be more bearable.

But I still believe that this desire for a the full, bells and whistles Christmas with large get together and dropping round different houses over the course of the week is distracting from the fact that for many, and easing of restrictions will allow the sort of low-key Christmas with a couple of loved ones that many are taking for granted.

We shall have to wait and see, exactly, but some form of Christmas extended bubble would be great.

I’ve just told my dad he’s not invited here because the kids going to school means the risk is too high - high BP, diabetes etc. However I’d be ok with it if we didn’t have kids as we are both at home.

If the risk is low then it’s ok but the government should explain how to mitigate the risk as much as possible. And everyone needs to understand the risk, particularly the most vulnerable- they may choose to risk it for a last Christmas if already very unwell. But they should feel forced because the government says it’s ok (for no good scientific reason). The message has to be clear.

Yanbu.
Our three family household mix would be seven people in a large house. We just don't have lots of people. I've not seen my aunt's and uncles for years.

This is largely me just selfishly wanting to see my DD. I would be beyond happy with a small Christmas this year with just my DC - however I don’t live with them.
But grandparents wanting to see their own kids isn't ok.

But grandparents wanting to see their own kids isn't ok.

I actually have other DC who, although I’ll be sad not to see, I’m not worried about spending Christmas on their own. DD doesn’t live with any loved ones, other DC do. Equally, my parents will spend Christmas together (without other family, as they often do), other DC will spend Christmas with their partner.

I don’t think that’s the same as spending a special time either alone or with acquaintances (and yes that should have been extended to all religions’ special celebrations).

regardless of anything our lockdown wont change as its always just us but would what the OP is proposing have been allowed anyway under bubbling?

for instance we have a family member that never dated/married or had kids and is now elderly and lives alone but bubbled up way back when bubbles first came so they will be attending that family members xmas like always which I'm pretty sure has always been allowed since they class as an extended household.

@mam0918

regardless of anything our lockdown wont change as its always just us but would what the OP is proposing have been allowed anyway under bubbling?

for instance we have a family member that never dated/married or had kids and is now elderly and lives alone but bubbled up way back when bubbles first came so they will be attending that family members xmas like always which I'm pretty sure has always been allowed since they class as an extended household.

• that was meant to say christmas not lockdown (lockdown on the brain lol)