I think I'm being abused?

[skran]

Hello,
So to start me and my partner have been together 7 years and I didn't think so until I read something about being emotionally abused and things seem to click. I will billet point.

-silent treatment when he feels I have wronged him (not cleaned,don't do as he asks etc)
-disgusting comments this can range from "you're disgusting" "you're the stupidest person Iv ever met" to calling me damaged,useless,embarrassing and so on and so fourth.
-threatens to keep my pets if I leave
-everything is my fault,he will not take any responsibility even when in a good mood it's "well yeah but it's normally your fault"

-he wants to change everything about me, this ranges from my clothes,hair,how I act, what I enjoy etc

-no affection or partner like behaviour unless he wants to have sex then when finished it goes back to being cold,distant and just like roommates.

Blames me for him being horrid when shouting at me and calling me names etc

There's more but this is long already. I'm just so confused. I don't know how to proceed or what to do. Am I overreacting? Or just being silly? Should I change? Don't get me wrong I know I mess up and that I am by no means a perfect person I just don't know why I deserve this I haven't done anything horrific so feel I'm like I maybe deserve just someone to be nice my partner especially.

You haven’t done anything wrong, it sounds like a controlling relationship from what you say.
Have you any reason to stay?
Can you make plans to leave but just not tell him til you’re gone?

Op that is definitely abuse... please leave him he sounds horrible

Oh and this is NOT you in any way he is a nasty little man

@SidekickSally I do not, he has all my money,we have a child so need to stay in contact and if I start separating finances he will know what's going on...I feel stuck this house is his I can't kick him out

Oh you poor thing, this definitely is an abusive relationship and it isn’t your fault at all you don’t need to change
Do you have family support/kids

I think you need to start looking into this, perhaps get some advice. Lots of people on MN will have tips for who to speak to.
Do you have any family you could stay with whilst going through this?

@SidekickSally unfortunately not that could take 3 people in,I am afraid I'm on my own here. I may be able to make arrangements to leave in February

Big hug op x you're at the beginning of a long road, there is masses of help out there for you and you'll get there. Yes you guessed right about the abuse and your confusion about is it or isn't it is proof enough of how long and hard this is for you, and this proves you can get through the long difficult times ahead, keep going, thinking and seeing differently and the way forward, those little day by day actions will soon start to add up. Masses of luck and wishes, many here will understand and support

If you can't leave now, the best thing is to try and stay under his radar as much as possible.

Do you have family or friends in another area and has he isolated you from them? Made you feel they 'don't like him' or threatened you with 'it's me or them'? Has he picked fights with them or made you argue with them so they've stopped communicating? If so, please call them. I guarantee they're waiting to hear from you. You may hear a 'we told you so' but it will be a small price to pay. Enlist their support, even if it's only emotional support for now.

Contact WA, there may be ways to get you out before February.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP. From what you have listed, yes this is domestic abuse. It can take many forms, it is not always physical. The best thing you can do is to contact a domestic abuse organisation in your area and they can give lots of advice and support. If you are wanting to ultimately leave, they can help you to do it in a supportive way - lots of well meaning people will advise you to leave but it can be difficult for many reasons and you will need help from professionals to do it safely if it's what you want. Please don't feel you have to change, it's a classic trait of perpetrators of abuse to make the other person feel worthless and that they aren't good enough, they do it over time and make you question yourself. It is absolutely not you, it is him and you absolutely deserve better.