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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my nearly 13 year old on instagram

18 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 22/11/2020 19:02

DS will be 13 in January and all his mates have Instagram so naturally he wants it as he feels left out. I really don’t want him to have it as I think there are so many things that aren’t great about it- comparison particularly- I shut my own insta down as it did my head in and I am mid 40’s.

Obviously I want him to feel included too though as that is almost worse when you are nearly a teen.

Aibu & over protective? Should I just give in?!

OP posts:
jennie0412 · 22/11/2020 19:03

Yabu.

The kids in my school were bullied relentlessly for not having it and often were left out of plans.
Of course this might not happen to your ds but I really can't see why he shouldnt unless he's particularly immature.

Scarlettpixie · 22/11/2020 19:07

Yabu as it seems to be the social media platform of choice for this age group. My DS and his mates use it mainly for chatting both 1:1 and in groups. Social interaction is hugely important at the moment seeing as they can’t meet up.

funwithmusic · 22/11/2020 19:08

its on its way-out

its all snapchat and tiktok now

GlummyMcGlummerson · 22/11/2020 19:09

YANBU, he's too young - the "my friends have it though" is tough to deal with but I personally wouldn't put my child at risk in order for them to keep up with their peers.

And if your child gets bullied for not having Instagram then you need to move schools, not give in to it in order to stop bullying what a terrible bloody lesson to teach kids.

Original poster
Allthestarsarecloser · 22/11/2020 19:16

@GlummyMcGlummerson yes, honestly if he was getting bullied in school for not having it, it would make me question what the fuck the school was doing tbh

OP posts:
buildingbridge · 22/11/2020 19:17

YANBU- all these posters who are saying that their DC's will be left out or bullied are essentially teaching their children to be sheep and to adhere to social pressures. God knows how these children would turn out as adults!

june2007 · 22/11/2020 19:18

Mine,s not on social media yet. Neither does she have her own phone.

Nosuchthingastoomuchcheese · 22/11/2020 19:19

My 13 year old doesnt have it and she's fine about it. Doesnt have snapchat or tiktok, her and her friends just arent bothered. We never let her have any of them anyway.

alexdgr8 · 22/11/2020 19:22

just say no.
if he says but the smith children have it, say the smith children are not my responsibility, you are my responsibility.

hopeishere · 22/11/2020 19:22

DS has it. It was a bit of a fad and he hardly uses it now. He knew I would check the massages on it.

TickTickClock · 22/11/2020 19:23

Better than banning them from any particular platform (and being left out of the crowd) is to engage with him and his social media use (while he'll still let you) - check what's being posted etc. Kids use Instagram more as a messaging service than a bragging device.

BeaufortScale · 22/11/2020 19:24

My 12yo hasn’t got Insta - no SM at all. My worry with Insta is all the pro ana and overstretching stuff, as she’s very in to ballet, but the potential for grooming and bullying also worry me.

She still has friends and is happy at school

Yennefer19 · 22/11/2020 19:25

Unfortunately social media is a part of life and will continue to grow and be a part of adult life (LinkedIn is becoming a big website for employment for example). I think this is a great time to start teaching your son about social media now and the dangers while you can supervise rather than him finding out in a few years on his own.

jennie0412 · 22/11/2020 19:26

@TickTickClock

Better than banning them from any particular platform (and being left out of the crowd) is to engage with him and his social media use (while he'll still let you) - check what's being posted etc. Kids use Instagram more as a messaging service than a bragging device.
Agree.
Nosuchthingastoomuchcheese · 22/11/2020 20:28

I dont agree. They are young to be navigating all social media, yes monitor it, check it, talk to them, that's all a given but dont just automatically let them have everything. It can be introduced gradually.

flaviaritt · 22/11/2020 20:30

You should say no if you think he’s too young (and I agree with you on that).

reluctantbrit · 22/11/2020 20:37

DD got it with 12.5. According to her "she was the last one ever" but I doubt that very much. But I agree, it is used a lot to interact. TikTob is popular but at least in DD's circle not as "mandatory" as Insta.

We have strict rules, her username has nothing to do with her real one, she is not allowed to post a picture where she can be recognised. DH gets a notification when she posts and she knows that and will often ask if a certain photo is acceptable.

Better teaching them how to use it responsibile instead of putting SM on the bad list and they will just do it when they are older. Learning to navigate SM is vital for a teen, it is very different to the early days of facebook.

Nosuchthingastoomuchcheese · 22/11/2020 20:40

If ny daughter wants insta when shes older she can have it. You are all making q valid point to be fair. Might rethink but shes quite happy without atm

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