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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to be in London for Xmas

9 replies

Groveparkmama · 22/11/2020 18:49

My husband is insisting that we spend Christmas in London as that is where we live and he wants our son (born earlier this year) to spend his first Christmas in his own home. London also happens to be where DH’s parents and all of his siblings live. My family do not live in London. We spent Christmas in London last year with DH’s family, so I feel it is only fair that we spend Xmas with my family this year. I also do not think the specific location of where we are matters, since for me it is about being with family.

Spending Christmas in London will probably also mean that we have to host for DH’s husband, which means that it is a less relaxing Christmas for me as I will have to worry about catering for everyone. Last year when I was heavily pregnant we had to host and his family said they would do all the work, but it didn’t work out like that at all.

Inevitably all families have their own way of celebrating Xmas and I feel sad that I will be missing my family’s traditions once again. On Xmas day my family always goes to church in the morning and we take the dog for a walk. We also play lots of games. We do not do many presents - just stockings and a secret Santa. We are foodies and buy lots of lovely food and drinks and spend time making delicious meals.

My DH’s family basically treat Xmas as a huge consumer fest. There are always a ridiculous amount of presents that take hours to open. I find it hard to retain enthusiasm when watching someone unwrap the umpteenth bottle of bubble bath or box of chocs. They are not foodies, and everything they eat is dry and tasteless. They don’t do anything other than unwrap presents and watch TV.

I also feel disinclined to spend Xmas with his family when they have made very little effort to see us this year and spend time with my son, despite living very close to us. None of my family live nearby, but have all made a huge effort to see us despite Covid making it very difficult. My parents even did 7 hour round trips just to sit in our garden or walk round a park with us.

I guess this is more of a rant than a question! And of course whatever we end up doing for Xmas will depend on what the rules are.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 22/11/2020 18:53

He can't insist Hmm

You need to take turns (if allowed this year)

hello20201 · 22/11/2020 18:54

Tbh I would just tell DH that you spent Xmas last year with his family so it's only fair that you spend it with yours this year! DS is a baby so doesn't understand where he is or if it's home or not! IMO x

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 22/11/2020 18:58

Agree just tell him. 'We will be taking it in turns as that's fair.' If you aren't allowed to travel, tell him you will stay at home just you three as it's baby's first Christmas.

It has taken me 17 years to not feel l have to spend Christmas time with the in laws. Don't be like me. Halloween Wink

DelphiniumBlue · 22/11/2020 19:05

YANBU.
At the most, DH can ask for you to take it in turns to see your family or his. Last year you saw his, AND you ended up catering without the promised help, whilst heavily preg. Not only that, you were bored and didn't enjoy the day.
This year, it is only fair to see your family. It is your turn.
And then ( maybe after Christmas)talk to him about next year. Whose fault was it that help didn't materialise? Was it he who was going to help, or did his family say they would? Why didn't the help happen? Make it clear that it may be a cultural thing but that you didn't like the consumerism and TV, and how can you both take this forward to find a solution that is acceptable to both of you ? Does he enjoy Christmas with your family?
I'm sorry to say that I don't have high hopes of a man who lets his pregnant wife struggle to cater for his family - he should have taken over and let you rest. This already shows me that he's not thinking about you.

HollowTalk · 22/11/2020 19:07

I don't think in the history of the world there is a child who knows or cares whether they spent their first Christmas in their home town.

You spent last Christmas catering for his awful family. You take it in turns so this year (restrictions allowed) you should spend it with your parents.

HollowTalk · 22/11/2020 19:10

I'm sorry to say that I don't have high hopes of a man who lets his pregnant wife struggle to cater for his family - he should have taken over and let you rest.

I agree - that was really really bad of him and them.

Ronia · 22/11/2020 19:48

Apart from anything now is definitely the time to travel for Christmas while your son is little and you don't have to worry about carting big Santa presents about!

underneaththeash · 22/11/2020 19:59

Where do your family live?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/11/2020 20:07

If allowed you could make a good compromise.
Weekend or any day before Christmas visit one set and weekend after the second set. Spend Christmas day at home (or away) as just you, make your own new combination of traditions.
Obviously this gets amended furter down the line when needed so no one stays alone.

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