Mil annoys me with how often she vists,. AIBU?

[Sophie1029734]

Hello everyone. Me and my partner have a 10month old and we live down the street from his parents (not my decision)
I see her on the weekends and multuple times through the week. I was excited for anotber lockdown to have space but nope, shes still knocking and stands inside but says its okay because shes not near us.
Shes on about changing jobs to something more flexible and one of the perks would be more time to see us. im so mad, i resent her and love her at the same time.
I personally dont get how she can see us that many times and talk like its only once a month.
Im starting to hate her company, i cant stop the urdge to eyeroll and sigh when she visits. Shes really kind but i cant bothered with the ammount.. and she wants MORE.
If she does change job and instead of 30-1hour visits after she finishes work to it being during the day for hours on end, i will gnore the door and phone. I might start now and stop going around on weekends to create some space.
I feel like im being mean but im annoyed too. Her family see each other all the time so maybe this is the norm and im just a bit antisocial.
AIBU, am i being mean?

I think you need to get your dh to have a word with him mum about giving you some space.

YANBU. Stop answering the door all the time .

YANBU. That’s just too much. She needs to respect your space and should be able to see without being told that she is overbearing.

If you are in England she/you are breaking the current lockdown rules if she comes inside your house.

Yanbu it is smothering.
I'm watching with interest. My Dad visits every day 7 days a week restrictions mean nothing to him. DM died in April feel I can't say anything it irrates me if he was kind it would be easier.

Just stop answering the door to her. If she starts calling then put your phone on silent and don't answer it. A sleeping baby is an excellent excuse to have it on silent.
Better still get your husband to have a word with her but I suspect he sees nothing wrong in her visits or makes excuses for her.

sorry but I always find answers involving 'just don't answer the door" really weird! its kind of like lying i guess. I just don't find i could ever do that. can you find some natural avoidance techniques like being out? eg having a walk with a friend when mil is going to visit? "oh sorry I didn't know you were going to call then" etc. then she might text u b4 arriving and you can say its not a great time or whatever. which would be true.

aware that my suggestion is not 100% honest either

how would dh feel if it was your parents ? he really needs to talk to her, make him understand it is too much.

Your DH needs to have a word about boundaries.

My dad is similar. He turns up ALL the time, and I understand that he's been lonely since he and my mum split up 6 years ago, but bloody hell, I need my own life and space as well.

how long does she stay op? as per other posters lockd9en is a good excuse to keep her outside on the doorstep (less easy for her to stay for extended period)

I feel your pain OP! My exMil used to work right across the street from me. On a week day she'd call in on her way to work (8:30am), for almost her entire lunch break (1-2) and again after work (5:30). I'm not kidding.

Because she could see my front door from where she sat at her desk she knew if I was in or not. I ignored the door once and she knocked repeatedly for a full 10 minutes then phoned me later to check I was ok. Told her I was sleeping.

She also called down Saturday and Sunday. So it was every. Single. Day.

I'd have to move!

Oh, it’s not an in law issue, it’s a DH issue! Get him to have words.

don't open the door.
go upstairs, for the advantage of height, open front window and tell her you've realised no one is allowed inside the house, and you must go as baby is....
less said the better.

I am of the opinion that people who think it's okay to just stop by whenever, also have to be okay with you telling them politely and firmly that it's not a good time.

easier said than done, I know.

Frankly, I would not be letting her in at all during lockdown. And I certainly wouldn't be spending an hour in the hallway chatting. If DH is there with her, then just casually wander off. If you're alone, just say, sorry MIL, but need to put baby down/ make tea/organise lunch, see you later. Or even better, when she knocks, open door slightly and say, "Hi, is it urgent? Can't really chat now " then off she goes.

But really, your DH should be the one having words.

Is there a reason why your DPs opinion on living on top of them was more important than your opinion of not living on top of them..?

It's hard when they are nice and don't mean any harm but this will end up causing tension in your relationship..l assume that is not her intention? You never know with some MILs. Let's be honest, MILs being overbearing is a regular topic on MN.

Perhaps both of you can sit down and lay some boundaries with her and see how that goes. If that isn't effective by all means stop answering the door.

the day I meet a man who can stand up to his mum is the day they invent chocolate air

your home is your castle.
you need to pull up the draw-bridge.

I think its lovely that she wants to see you and be involved. Perhaps you can say you are starting a new routine so can she text next week to arrange a firm time for one day in week etc?

is DH with you when she comes? if he is, leave her to him and do whatever you want - you can't really stop him seeing his mum (lockdown notwithstanding)

If he's not around you are going to have to bite the bullet and tell her to stop. Start with lockdown rules and be firm.

You have to set boundaries that work for you and you don’t have to feel guilty about that. Some people would be fine with it, others not so much. No right or wrong way to be. It’s a crap situation to be in as I’m sure you want to see her sometimes just not that much and you don’t want to hurt her. Sorry op no advice just sympathy!

Yet another thread !!! Did you call the police after both your violent outbursts? Did he let you back in? You need to leave your oh, your MIL is not the issue

After your domesticated violence thread the other day I think this is the least of your worries.