To think that my baby should go to sleep in her cot at night?

[Buggysleeper]

First time poster so please go easy.

My 10 month old used to go to sleep in her cot absolutely fine, and still does for naps in the day. We’ve recently got the huckleberry app which is a godsend for making sure she is not overtired.

The problem is she will not go down in the cot at night, it is literally like we are lying her on a bed of nails. We are not averse to sleep training, and did successfully at around 5m. We have tried the same technique (going back in at intervals) but she literally screams until she is sick. We have tried gentler methods too, and she will scream until she is sick even with me in the room. We give her calpol or nurofen and powders when she is teething. We have tried a nightlight, white noise, soft music. She will not be rocked to sleep, and doesn’t really relax when held to be comforted either. Ergh very tricky.

The only thing that gets her to sleep at night is putting her In the buggy. We walk for half an hour, she goes to sleep. We transfer her to her cot and she wakes but settles and sleeps.

AIBU in thinking we are doing something wrong and she should be able to settle in her cot at night? Any suggestions?

Honestly I would just keep doing what you're doing and try again in a couple of months. If she settles ok and sleeps through the night once she's in there that's pretty good going so I wouldn't keep trying to force her into the cot at bedtime. She's clearly associating it with distress at the moment so leave it for the moment while you've got something that works then try again once she's forgotten about her negative reaction to it.

Course she should, all people should go to sleep in their designated bed, unfortunately no one can tell her that. If walking round the block works then just do it, it wont be forever. Keep trying in your arms, with a story or some music but dont let her scream until she's sick, if she wont go down, go for a walk.

@MarjorytheTrashHeap Thank you so much, that’s what I sort of thought. So many people have said that we shouldn’t do it, but I literally don’t know what else we can do! Every night I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

It can take weeks to bed in a new routine. Sounds like by ‘trying everything’ you haven’t given anything enough time.

I would try the gentlest kindest way you can think of that achieves the desired result (child asleep in cot). And follow it relentlessly no matter what for 3 weeks. See where you are then.

YANBU but unfortunately babies AVU

I wouldn’t try anything for 3 weeks that meant my baby screamed until they were sick (and I did CC with my first at about this age).

I would walk her round the block for now and try again later. It’s really not worth the anguish.

I still rock my 1 year old to sleep. Once he's down he sleeps well. All babies are different so one size doesn't fit all. Do what works.

You say she used to go to sleep in her Cot and she sleeps happily enough during the day?

Is it because it is dark at night now? Was she happily sleeping at 7 in the evening when it was light outside? Now it is pitch black at night, maybe she is scared because it is dark but she can’t tell you that. She goes to sleep in the buggy because of the movement and she is with you. Can you make her room lighter maybe?

Thank you so much for all the advice! @Lumene LOL 😂
Yes I think I will go down the whatever works road (round the block) for now. I think the stress for all of us just isn’t worth it, especially when bedtime should be chilled.
I think I was deluded in thinking I would have control over my baby’s sleep 😂

DS is older now but I can’t even remember how he got to sleep, how much he slept or any of that sort of thing. I didn’t really do any sleep training at all and just got him to sleep whichever way was easiest and changed plans whenever it stopped working and moved to something else.

Eventually you’ll look back and realise it all didn't really matter so just do what you have to do to get through

I would do whatever gets her to sleep. I’m not against letting a child cry for a bit but letting her scream until she’s sick every night? No. She’s frightened or uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t try anything for 3 weeks that meant my baby screamed until they were sick (and I did CC with my first at about this age).

To be clear nor would I! I did say the gentlest thing that works!

@Tinty I think there is something in that. She is less distressed to start with with a nightlight on but it still escalates into hysteria eventually. I think we will use the light when we decide to give the cot another go. Thank you!

My daughter never went down to sleep in her own bed. Even now she is older and in a bed we still have to stay with her until she is asleep. Some children are just different. I know he will grow out of it so I'm not concerned and you should just do what works to be honest!

Stick with what works best. Walk her round in the buggy for now and try again in a month or two. You may find as she gets older that she will settle with a cuddle and a story,

I was still bf DS to sleep at that age (or driving him round in the car). I was never able to settle him awake in his cot. I mostly used to settle him to sleep on our bed and then transfer him to his cot once asleep.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I am so glad I posted, I’m feeling so reassured and much less of a shit mother xx

I find these posts about getting babies to sleep really concerning. My son is now 28 but when I had him in 1992, I knew NOTHING about babies. I didn't actually like children very much - always preferred animals! My father was in the fire brigade and we were always used to having our doors closed at night [gives you 30 mins extra in case of a fire!!!].

Anyway, I digress. So when my son was born, I got into a routine at his bed time. [My husband worked away and was only back at weekends.] I'd undress DS and lie him on a towel on a changing mat - so he could move his arms and legs without the constraints of his clothes. When he old enough, I'd put him under an activity arch so he could interact with that. I felt this 'play time' was helping to get him tired.

After that, I'd give him his bath with lots of floating toys to play with. Then I'd and dress him in his night-time sleep suit and show him a cloth book or something similar, while he was on my knee.

Then I'd feed him until he got sleepy in my arms, and I'd pop him in his Moses Basket/cot or whatever in his bedroom [with no lights of any sort], pull the door almost closed, and go back down stairs.

Maybe this isn't what is 'recommended' now - I don't know. But I didn't know then either!!!!

However, he got used to his 'routine' and I never had any issues with getting him to sleep at night. I basically tried to tire him out before he slept in a dark room with nothing to distract him.

After all, they get used to what YOU do. So if you rock them to sleep or sleep with them or whatever, that is what they then expect and suddenly you have created a rod for your own back.

I feel so sorry for all the new mothers who post their problems on here. I feel there is far too much information about EVERYTHING these days and it causes them to second guess every decision they make.

Good luck OP. You're doing fine.

Do what works and don’t listen to any one else at nearly 2 i used to walk my son round the block for over an hour sometimes to get him to nap otherwise are nights would be hell unfortunately this was during a heatwave! I lost some weight that summer though

She's a tiny baby. All babies are unreasonable. Just go with what works. If she's screaming so much in her cot that she's sick, she's obviously not building up a good association with it and is unlikely to be able to relax and drift off in it. Ease off trying and come back to it in a couple of months when she's forgotten about it.

Awww good luck OP. Sounds like you’re doing great. Those early months/years are overwhelming at times and all encompassing but you do get through them - somehow!

@IamMaz I think you were just lucky! My DD was like that. I couldn't believe how easy she was. She was no.2. My DS fought every second of sleep - wouldn't nap, wouldn't go down at bedtime, woke frequently through the night and woke at the crack of dawn. Every baby is different, and every phase of babyhood/childhood is different. We all just do our best at the time.

@Lumene this is so true!!! Made me chuckle!

@IamMaz You had an easy baby, or you just left your baby to scream. Neither are worth boasting about.

@LockdownLil
Maybe I did have an 'easy' baby! But I never knew that at the time.
I put him to bed when he was dozing off.
He never 'screamed' - not sure what made you deduce that - LOL!!!!

Please google the effects of cc or cio before deciding if it’s for you.

Also, a lot of babies seem to give up and sleep on the first round but then “forget” a few months later.