Do you argue in front of your kids?

[Autumncolourlover]

As in shouting and swearing with one of you walking off/leaving the house?

My own parents had big arguments when I was a child and it was shit but their's was a fairly toxic marriage (he was an alcoholic) even though they loved each other dearly. So I don't know what normal is. Couples fall out and disagree and that's normal I guess but shouting and swearing in front of the kids? Is that normal?

I think it's fine to have civil disagreements over minor things in front of children. It's good for them to see that you can have a disagreement with someone without it affecting your relationship, and to see how disagreements should be resolved.

Swearing, shouting, no. Children shouldn't ever witness that and there's really no good reason for it to happen in a relationship (this isn't to say that it doesn't ever happen in a healthy relationship).

As many others we don’t shout and swear at each other at all, certainly not in front of the kids.We do argue sometimes but as a discussion, it’s never got shouty.

I do feel like it sometimes, but it always seems like a bad idea. Not a way to improve the situation.

No. We have the occasional bicker or disagreement, but not with shouting or swearing or anything nasty.

I think it’s important not to shield dc too much in case they feel angry/frustrated etc and don’t know how to deal with it so we have healthy disagreements and explanations in front of them. My tone definitely changes but I’ll explain I’m frustrated because .... and if things aren’t resolved we talk when kids in bed. By which time it’s usually moved on from.

I’ve snapped a couple of times when my eldest was a baby due to exhaustion and I’ve felt terrible guilt afterwards, although we always make up respectfully in front of them.

Me and my husband have, not often - maybe a few times since we've had kids get really upset with each other. There's been a bit of swearing and crying and yes, one of us has left the house for a short time.

It's not something we're proud of, but I would say that if it happens things are made up pretty fast and the kids see us apologise to each other.

My husband's parent never argue - his mother will swallow any negative feelings she has to avoid upsetting her husband and the children were taught the same. It's one reason we end up arguing now because we can't have a sensible discussion about problems, he grew up in a household where the dad had every whim and emotion pandered to and adjusted to whether reasonable or not. They're still married after 40 years but she's really miserable, he's happy as Larry.

My parents argued but what upset me most was that they never showed any affection towards each other.

So it's not always the whole story to say swearing = bad. Sometimes not showing emotions is not good for your kids either.

Mine do.

No, never.

My parents argued all the time and it was horrible.

We just don’t speak to other that way at all, kids or no kids

My parents used to have a real go at each other. My sister said we were caught in the crossfire of their matrimonial warfare. As a result I never , never argue in front of my kids. In fact I can only remember ever have one argument in all my married life and that was very early on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no doormat it’s just I’ve always been able to communicate with my husband and we still love each other. As my grandmother told me , never go to bed angry. My childhood experiences taught me a lot. Living in a different country and bring fluent and literate in a second language for one but mainly how not to conduct a marriage.

No we don't shout or swear whether the kids are there or not. We rarely argue anyway - maybe the odd heated discussion. I don't recall it happening much in front of the kids but I'm sure it has once or twice.

My parents argued 24/7, 365 days in a year. It was horrible to live in an atmosphere where you had to walk on shells all the time trying not to upset anyone.

When I was looking for somebody to spend my life with it was very important to me that he doesn't shout and that he can work out our problems by talking, not yelling.

We disagree sometimes, and it sometimes takes him a day or two to start talking, but we we have been together for a decade and no shouting yet.

My parents argued all the time.
It had a chronic effect on me. I have never once argued in front of my kids, and rarely at all Tbh. If I was that unhappy I would divorce rather than put my kids through this.

No. Family at next table in a restaurant had huge screaming row both ours were 😮 they’d never seen anything like it.

Dh negotiates for a job and manages difficult people and we usually on same page so it doesn’t get that far.

Not.

Oh god, yes. DH and I bicker a lot and my DC are around basically 24/7 (well they're not, they're in school/nursery too, but we are working then so not bickering).

I feel really bad about it as my oldest DC is almost 5 and definitely picks up on it. We don't shout/swear or anything like that but he can clearly tell that we are "fighting" and I hate it. But find it so hard not to raise things as they're happening.

We disagree sometimes, occasionally raised voices but we never shout and swear at each other.

Unfortunately you can't police your ex's relationship OP, so the only thing you can do is continue to model good, loving, respectful behaviour to your DC.

No swearing, but my DP shouts at me in front of the DC. It's one of the (many) reasons I'm leaving him shortly.

His view is that you need to shout it out to get to the bottom of the issue. I disagree with shouting completely, so will walk away from the discussion until he's prepared to talk rationally, and calmly. He's now decided I don't respect him, because I will walk away rather than stand and shout and argue with him.

OP, shouting and screaming at each other in what is supposed to be a loving relationship is not normal at all. Anyone who tells you otherwise has a very dysfunctional view of healthy relationships, and the damage it causes to DC who have to live in that environment and deal with that atmosphere.

We never really argue with raised voices/storming off anyway. We'll have small disagreements in front of DD, sure, but if there is something big we need to talk about that risks turning into an argument, we'll save it til it's just the two of us.

We don't shout at each other ever. We have discussions in front of the kids but beyond the odd sharp word (and apology!) we don't get cross with each other.
It's not something we work on consciously we just get along well!

This has been really interesting reading, thank you for all the replies. It's made me realise how dysfunctional it is and has me worried about what my dc are being exposed to. It's probably why they yell at each other so much.

Disagree: sometimes. Argue: No. No swearing, no shouting, either in public or private.

Occasionally we snap at each other, but not shouting and swearing. We don’t really argue very much anyway

DH and I - I might snap a bit when hormonal, but there's no swearing, rarely even a single yell (if there is it's a snapped 'argh...' then calmer 'okay, so...'). Arguing - a few times a year, done with respect, no shouting, no walking out, no personal attacks, all made up by bedtime. The children see us discuss, come to some agreement, make up.

Parents - DM used to have screaming fits and a few times lobbed something heavy at my DF. That was deeply unpleasant to overhear as a child, and quite frightening.

My parents though had complete screaming and shouting matches often. My in laws never did apparantly. I thought big shouting and screaming matches were completely normal growing up.

The worst time for DH and I arguing was when DS was first born and we were both very sleep deprived.

I should define "argue" too. I mean a (sometimes passionate) discussion about something that's annoyed us.

Blazing, screaming, big ticket rows? Never. We've been together 17 years and I can't remember a single one.