To ask why people are so shocked about me getting married but not shocked I have a baby

[Snooglemcdougal]

I’m a new poster to Mn so sorry if I’ve put this in the wrong place. I’m 21 and had a dad 4 months before turning 20 me and my do have been together for 5 years and have been planning on getting married next year, he’ll be 23 and I’ll be about to turn 22. Why does the thought of us marrying shock people yet having a baby doesn’t? I feel that having a baby is a bigger commitment than getting married

Had a dd that should say

Which 'people' are you referring to?

Not family members they’re all happy, but coworkers

I guess because babies can happen by accident but weddings can’t?

I guess because babies can happen by accident but weddings can’t?

This.

Who cares what they think? Live your life and be happy.

Ask them. If you care, that is. I wouldn’t care why they were surprised.

I think it’s just how society is nowadays.

It’s not common young parents stay together let alone get married. 50 years ago it would have been the norm.

Getting married is also a big expense for most and I think many assume young parents wouldn’t want to spend money on that.
My understanding is that (before covid) marriage was starting to be viewed as something middle class parents funded for their early 30’s kids to try and cement their ‘settling down’ and make it socially acceptable to have children.

Pretty much everyone I know who is married/ getting married fits that category. I’m sure it still massively differs by area.

Thankfully I haven’t had the “you’re too young to get married” comments off of anyone at work yet which I’m surprised about

Ask them. They'll think twice next time when they air their unwanted opinions

We’re also funding the wedding ourselves, with my family buying the dress but everything else we are paying for

I really enjoyed getting married, but since starting a family I’d definitely not bother doing it like that again. Such a faff and so pricey. If I was doing it now It’d be tiny, straight forward and cheap.

As PPs have said, they'll be assuming your DD was an accident. You can't get married by accident.

The plan was always to get married but some important members of both families are getting on now (87) and it’s important for us to have them there