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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me?

16 replies

Nightowl92 · 21/11/2020 15:28

I’m currently living abroad with boyfriend and his brother and GF whilst we are saving to have the house split in two. His brother is possibly the most vile man I’ve ever met, the way he speaks to his family is disgusting and he’s the type of man that expects his girlfriend to wait for him hand and foot which she does. Over the last 2 years he’s decided to no longer speak to me as he’s very aware I won’t allow him to walk over his brother (my partner) like he’s used to and I have an opinion on things and he doesn’t like it. my boyfriend is the opposite to him likes to get on with everybody and make them feel welcome. Doesn’t like to cause an issue or an atmosphere . However his brother now makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home, he ignores me, eats my food that I’ve bought and then shouts at my partner over petty things all the time. My boyfriend is a really nice person and he makes so much effort to make his girlfriend feel welcome and laughing and joking and more and more lately it’s p*ing me off that everybody else feels comfortable and he goes out of his way to make sure she doesn’t feel awkward but no one seems to care how I feel. I just feel like why is BF making her feel so welcome whilst all the while not having an issue with how hostile his brother makes me feel.

OP posts:
ScotchBunnet · 21/11/2020 15:42

You have to move out OP - this is no way to live! Even if you split the house in two you will still be on the doorstep of someone you hate. Use the money you’ve saved to find your own place and start living in peace.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 21/11/2020 15:47

agree with PP - even if the house is split, why would you want to live in the pocket of twattissh rude brother?
Whose house is it?
If it was sold would BF have half the cash to put into a solo home?

Wandafishcake · 21/11/2020 15:48

Sounds super toxic. Why are you even living with them? Do you want to be their neighbours once the house is split? I’d head off somewhere far away if I were you.

And it sounds like your BF has no influence whatsoever over his brother.

Original poster
Nightowl92 · 21/11/2020 15:50

The house we live in was left to us by Dp’s father. We wouldn’t be able to afford to buy in The same area a 1 bedroom apartment is around 175,00. The house we live in now is big and in a good area close to our works and I feel like his brother wins if we move out and he gets to keep the big house I know it seems petty. DP is also reluctant to move out of this area (his family area memories etc) I just feel lost. I feel like they’d all be happier if I just packed my bags and went to England, which makes me sad as I do love DP a lot and he’s a good person but he doesn’t want to seem to do anything about the situation as “that’s just how his brother is” and thinks I should just ignore it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightowl92 · 21/11/2020 15:51

No one seems to stand up to his brother. His mother is lovely but even she allows him to behave like this and just says “it’s how he is” everybody knows he’s an asshole but just seems to just say it’s how he is and accepts it and I’m baring the brunt of it because I don’t think it’s normal to let someone be a complete d**khead and say it’s just how they are...

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightowl92 · 21/11/2020 15:53

To make matters worse his brother is also his business partner Sad

OP posts:
Brighterthansunflowers · 21/11/2020 15:53

You can’t keep living like this, even once the house is split

Get the brother to buy you out or sell it and split the money

But if DP won’t stand up to his brother you’ve got no hope

LaMarschallin · 21/11/2020 15:54

Yes.
It's probably you.

katy1213 · 21/11/2020 15:58

You could perhaps divide the house and let your side, so you could afford at least to rent somewhere else with the income?
Or take legal advice to see if you could force a sale?

myhobbyisouting · 21/11/2020 16:02

Did his dad leave the house to the two brothers or to the four of you?

Sounds like they're trying to appease you but actually everyone else quite likes him. You might want a back up plan!

Floralnomad · 21/11/2020 16:08

Tell your bf that you won’t live there even if the house is split in 2 , then he has a choice to either tell his brother that the house needs to be sold and the proceeds split or he can tell you that nothing is going to change . If he does the latter then you know exactly where you stand . It does seem that everyone else is happy with the situation as it is so I suspect that the end result will be you leaving .

Original poster
Nightowl92 · 21/11/2020 16:13

@Floralnomad I guess that’s what I’m scared of that it will be choice 2

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 21/11/2020 16:15

@Nightowl92 I’m fairly sure it would be , but do you see yourself living in this environment long term , if not then leave now and don’t waste anymore of your life

Storyoftonight · 21/11/2020 16:36

Please say it's not you again Blush

JillofTrades · 21/11/2020 16:47

I would end the relationship. There is just too many issues and will be more hassle than its worth. What are the chances of your dp selling up/leaving the house? Sounds like nil. What are the chances of him leaving the family business? Nil. Most importantly, he is allowing someone to disrespect you. He will always be enmeshed in this toxic relationship and you will be dragged into it. I would just go back home.

sandragreen · 21/11/2020 16:52

Why are you flogging a dead horse?

Just block them all and come home.

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