Does this sound right to you?

[Ohalrightthen]

Need your help to settle a disagreement about how me and DH do mornings with DD1...

For background, i WFH full time and DH WOH 3 days (DD is in nursery) and is at home with her 2 days.

Monday - DD wakes up at 5ish (urgh). I get up, do breakfast, clothes on, play time, sort lunch, pack nursery bag, make coffee and wake DH at 7ish. They leave for work/nursery at 7.30.

Tuesday - same as Monday

Wednesday - DH's day off. He gets up with DD at 5, does morning, wakes me up at 7.30-8ish with coffee. I start work at 9.

Thursday - as Monday

Friday - as Wednesday

Saturday/Sunday - we have one lie in each, til about 8ish.

Does this seem fair?

Sounds alright. Week is split 2/3 on early mornings and whilst you do more of them, he does 2 weekdays of full care.

Presumably you’ve tried and failed to get her to sleep longer than 5am?

What time does your dd go to sleep?

Had to read your post a couple of times but yes sounds right to me. Is he complaining?

I mean it sounds right because he does the bulk of childcare

Yes it seems fair.

3/4 split seems as fair as it can get tbh.

Seems fair. What time does she go to bed?

Seems fair

Presumably you’ve tried and failed to get her to sleep longer than 5am?

My god i could write a novel on the ways that we have tried and failed to get her to sleep later than 5am. About once a fortnight she'll give us a 6.30am. It's just enough to stop me moving to Peru in despair!

What time does your dd go to sleep?

About 7ish most nights, earlier if she's knackered.

Is he complaining?

No, we're both very happy with it, but it came up in a group chat with some MumFriends and i got a lot of about it - some saying he should be doing more, some saying i should be doing more, but literally no one seemed to think it was a fair system. But i tend to disagree with these ladies a LOT about relationship dynamics so i wanted a different audience!

Also apparently 8am isn't a lie in. Which yeah, pre-kids i would kinda agree, but when the day starts at 5am, an extra 3 hours definitely is a lie in to my mind!

Sounds fair enough to me.
I suppose there's scope for doing a two week 'rota' so you each do 7 days a fortnight, rather than one doing 8 and the other 6.
But yes, I would be trying to shift forward the 5am starts!

Sounds ok, who’s moaning?

X post

Seems fair to me too. Carry on and ignore the MumFriends

8am is definitely a lie in under those circumstances! Ours were early wakers and it really is hard going. However, they gradually started waking later and sleeping better, especially once in school. Just to reassure you

That sounds fair OP. It is nice to hear people doing equal parenting. You seem to have got it right.

Does it feel fair to you? Are you BOTH happy with the way you have divided up the responsibilities?

Does it feel fair to you? Are you BOTH happy with the way you have divided up the responsibilities?

Interestingly, we both think that the other gets a raw deal. He feels bad that i do 3 early weekdays, i feel bad that on my weekdays off i get an hour more sleep than he does on his!

Carry on and ignore the MumFriends

The biggest shock of parenthood for me so far has definitely been the realisation that we think about life very differently to the other parents around us!

Yes seems very fair.
We have a similar working arrangement, except it's my DH who's f/t & me 4 days.
I do 6 mornings & a days full care with 2 children under 4 & 90% of the night wakes...I think it needs addressing!

If you are both happy with the arrangement, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? Your friends opinions are all based on their own situations, and no one knows your own situation as well as you.

So if it's working, carry on, but by all means be flexible and open to things needing to adjust as DD gets older.

If you are both happy with the arrangement, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

I was just kinda taken aback by the reactions i got, and wanted to make sure i wasn't operating in a blind spot.

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

If you’re both genuinely happy with your set it, it doesn’t matter what others think. As long as you and your dh can communicate with one another when things change, then that is all that matters.

And in those early days 8am is a lie in!

It sounds fair!

@Ohalrightthen

Does it feel fair to you? Are you BOTH happy with the way you have divided up the responsibilities?

Interestingly, we both think that the other gets a raw deal. He feels bad that i do 3 early weekdays, i feel bad that on my weekdays off i get an hour more sleep than he does on his!

Carry on and ignore the MumFriends

The biggest shock of parenthood for me so far has definitely been the realisation that we think about life very differently to the other parents around us!

Ah just realised this is a smug stealth boast post.

@whatsonmymindgrapes there is absolutely nothing smug about months of 5am wakeups, i promise you.