Single friend at Christmas

[Archie1989]

Me, my husband and our daughter are spending Christmas where we live, to not travel to family as we usually would, due to restrictions and to protect our elderly parents. A very good friend of ours recently got divorced, and they live on their own in the same city. They’ve had a hard year, compounded by lockdown....so we said that we didn’t want them to spend Christmas Day alone, so they could come to us.

It’s since become apparent that they are not adhering to rules. They’re out at house parties all the time, and meeting people on tinder. They’re keen to come to us on Christmas Day, but we are now very nervous about it, in terms of their lax attitude to Covid. My husband is asthmatic.

How do we approach it? This person, as much as we love them, would not take it well for us to say, hey, if you’re coming to us on Christmas Day, please don’t meet so many people leading up to it. It doesn’t seem to get through that people are at risk due to those actions. At the same time, after the last few years, this person needs to be out meeting prior for their own mental health.

Invite him on a socially distanced Boxing Day walk.

Why are people going on about white lies (which are the same as any other lie)? Why do you need to find a way to accommodate him? Both of you can withdraw your offer on the basis of his activities bringing unacceptable risk to your house.

Thank you for your comments. I genuinely am torn over what to say. It’s not worth the risk, so either way, we will be asking him to make alternative arrangements, and soon, so as to give him the chance to do that.

If I am honest, I think if we ask him to self isolate, he will say “yes, of course”, but I don’t trust that he will. Not in a nasty way - just that he genuinely struggles without constant interaction with people. So it is either that we say, look, we’re sorry, we have to withdraw the offer because we know that you’re mixing with lots of different people. That will risk the friendship with his current state of mind....or we say something else that will preserve feelings.

If you need something to “justify” the withdrawal of the offer just say that you’ve had some advice since you made the offer and that’s forced the change. You don’t have to tell him that the advice was from mumsnet.

I’d be very honest and say that as he can’t abide by the laws it’s too risky for him to join you over Christmas. I’ve distanced from a few friends who think the rules don’t apply to them and put their own wants first.

Could you ask him to take a test? Boots are doing instant ones.

She doesn’t want him there, Covid or not.

But I do think it’s fair to say now, not some time in December.