'Read a book' advice

[ohnomesandwiches]

Anyone else noticed that often someone who is seeking advice on Mumsnet regarding a difficult situation/life event is advised to read a self-help book? Eg, OP says 'I think my husband is having an affair' and the response is to read 'Why he Strays' by XYZ.

I find this just so bizarre. A lot of self help books are total rubbish and the ones that do have value can usually be summed up quite succinctly.

It seems so unlikely that someone in a tough situation will have the time or headspace to read some books! I suppose there may be some exceptions, grief for example.

AIBU?

The vast majority of the books I’ve seen recommended are in relation to DV which is useful because most victims don’t realise the perpetrator is playing out a very well recognised pattern of behaviour.

Secondly I’ve seen a lot of people recommending books relating the children’s behaviour such as The Explosive Child. From what I’ve heard most people also find at least some of these useful too, even if it makes them realise they are not alone.

I haven’t much seen any books about self improvement or Find Happiness in three easy steps but maybe I’m reading different posts to you.

YABU because some people swear by help books and love them.

I am with you, I think they are a complete waste of time and a pile of tosh, BUT if they bring some support and help to someone else, why not. At least they won't hurt.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff - you should try reading it

No seriously though, I get you. There was a point where any post in relationships involved the OP being told to read Not Just Friends and make their unfaithful partner read it, and it was clearly just people parrotting other people's advice, having never been in that situation or read it themselves. And you'd just have pages of "advice" to read it.

@MatildaTheCat I had been thinking more along the lines of books about affairs etc but yes these books do seem like they would be very useful.

Guess IABU.

I have to say the Lundy Bancroft book was so amazing at explaining abuse for me. I couldn't unknow I was being abused and it was one of the catalysts for me leaving.

But The Explosive Child is actually an excellent book.

I think people recommend books they've personally found helpful - rather than trying to summarise the advice in a book, possibly inaccurately.

You can preview most books on Amazon or Google so it's easy enough to get an idea of whether recommendations might be helpful without buying the book.

I've found the vast majority of self-help books are no use, full of psychobabble and rubbish, but one or two have struck a a chord with me over the years so I'll recommend them if appropriate.

Self-help books have a bad reputation, but they're not all totally useless. Even if they're not for everyone, I don't see the harm in recommending one that you've personally found useful or know has helped others in a similar situation.

It depends on the book. I recommended one today that was obviously amazing

The only "self help book" I ever read was The subtle art of not giving a fuck😂 And I didn't even buy it for the self help.
5*

I share your perception on self help books in general: they are often trite and poorly written.

But think in specific situations such as DV they can actually be very useful; when you’re in a situation like that where someone is deliberately manipulating you reading something which explains that there’s an actual strategy behind it can be like having a lightbulb go on.

Sometimes it isn’t so much what’s actually said in the book it’s the fact that someone had researched it and recognised it as an actual problem. That can be quite liberating.

Reading the right book at the right moment has saved my life on more than one occasion. Melodramatic but true.