Can contact be detrimental ?

[Givemeabreak88]

I’ve tried hard for my children to have a relationship with their father but I’m not sure if it’s always for the best? He was absent for 3 years and now sees them once a fortnight for the day, he is unable to take them to his house (he has lodgers) so doesn’t have them overnight, he won’t change this and wants once a fortnight contact. But I don’t know if it is doing more harm than good, my son said today “why doesn’t dad like us, are dads suppose to live with you?” I didn’t really know how to answer, he went on to say “is it too late to get a new dad? I wish I had a different dad” this made me feel really bad, is contact always for the best? I know people say let children figure it out for themselves etc, but when he was absent I didn’t have any of these questions from him he kind of just accepted it.

How are the visits going? Have they been enjoyed or have there been any upsets? Saying that, because asking whether Dad's are supposed to live with you is fair enough, but saying he wants a different Dad makes me wonder if the visits are not going well. I'd have a chat with both and then see what comes up & go from there. I'd also say to him lots of Dads don't stay with their families after a divorce, but it doesn't mean they don't love their kids. Children are often too young to 'figure it out themselves' & can get the wrong idea & become upset. Its best to be honest & explain things & keep communicating or feelings fester: that leads to emotional confusion & distress & acting out those feelings in bad behaviour.

They never really want to go when he comes, he just picks them up takes them to the local park then brings them home, he never calls to speak to them in between contact and I just feel there is no bond there between any of them, I guess when they think of other dads they are comparing and wondering why their dad is like this, he Has asked before if he could have a better dad.

It sounds like he has no idea what to do with them. Are they really not safe with the lodgers in his home? Why? They could watch a film,play board games, computer games etc then. Him watching them play in a park & on the swings etc is going to get old fast.

He lives 2 hours away so although in theory they could go there it would mean 4 hours of travelling on public transport for one day, there is no point in them doing that. They can’t stay overnight due to the lodgers.

I don't understand why they can't stay with lodgers? He/you can get the lodgers checked out with the police (Sarah's law) and the kids could even stay in his room?

I used to have to persuade my daughter to go to her dad's and he has been around since the start, now she wants to go to his, so kids do com round

Well to give context our children are 9 almost 10, 8 , 6 and 3 (mixed sexes) so surely it’s not appropriate for them to share a room especially the 9 year old who is female sharing a room with 2 male siblings and her father??
He has 3 bedrooms and rents out both rooms to men he meets off the Internet (spare room / gumtree etc) does anyone really think that it’s appropriate environment for children? 4 kids in a room with their dad?