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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unreasonable behaviour or just normal family stuff?

9 replies

Batikbed · 20/11/2020 12:15

I have a close family member who leans very heavily on me an DH much of the time, wanting to spend a lot of time with us, demanding we broke lockdown in the spring to see them because none of their friends would.

This person freaked out a couple of years ago when we suggested scaling back Christmas gifts saying that it was unfair because we’d have gifts from each other but they would only get a small gift from their elderly mother and that would be rubbish and ruin Christmas for them. So we agreed to carry on, even though we never intended to scrap all gifts to them, it just felt a bit daft as adults to be buying so much stuff.

No this person is in a relationship and not only have they stopped calling or wanting to meet but they messaged the other day to say not to buy them anything as new DP was going to get them lots of gifts and that they’d not buy us anything, fair enough.

On one level I’m a bit annoyed that we’re only good enough for this person when they’re alone but as soon as they have a better offer we never hear from them. On the other hand I think perhaps it’s just normal family stuff and to be expected?

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PeggyPorschen · 20/11/2020 12:18

I would feel relieved that family member is out of your hands and leave you breath for now!

It's neither normal nor to be expected, but I suppose at least they are honest about it. Many people are like that, but pretend they are different.
Just don't bother too much with them, not worth it.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 20/11/2020 12:19

Agree with Peggy. Precedent established, no going back.

ButterMeUpScotty · 20/11/2020 12:21

Family meme bee is a dick, but you’ve had a lucky escape! No going back for them now so it’s a win for you.

Batikbed · 20/11/2020 12:24

I can’t help myself caring about them due to the amount of time we’ve spent together and supporting them over the years. I am glad they have found someone but it’s still a new relationship and might not last and I imagine they’d want to go right back to relying on us for support, company and gifts if they split up. This person is in their 40s so not a kid.

But yes I think in future any gifts will be modest.

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PeggyPorschen · 20/11/2020 12:30

it's lovely you still care, just enjoy your break from the neediness Grin

and be mindful not to get hurt as it's a one-sided relationship.

Batikbed · 20/11/2020 12:33

@PeggyPorschen well it certainly seems they are only interested in what they can get from us, I would put a lot of thought into what to get them and they would give us vouchers typically but the gifts don’t matter to me. I sort of knew they were like this it’s just been brought home to me.

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HotSince63 · 20/11/2020 12:36

It's your SIL isn't it Grin.

If and when their new relationship ends, things can only go back to the way they were if you allow them to.

NoSquirrels · 20/11/2020 12:36

They sound a bit present-obsessed. I’d just ignore it, and in future just do the same gift-voucher thing they do for you.

Time4change2018 · 20/11/2020 12:40

Now the line has been drawn but a great big lattice fence on it .... Keep your boundaries if this new relationship ends.
While you care a lot they are showing they don't do much though they are probably giddy right now.
Don't allow yourself to be used work on building a mutually beneficial relationship not a one way street

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