To think mums groups are secretly more competitive and judgemental than supportive?

[bobityboop]

Just the title really and i think almost everyone will have an opinion. I think mine is (or half of them).

They are really sweet and nice.. they are there for you but Its these tiny things.

If one mum is sharing something nice or wondering her child did then another one has to say something similar or much advanced . When i say judgemental for ex. MumA will say something she did she regrets or something outrageous about her life and everyone comes to her support then I hear opposite opinions when some of us meet (and im thinking "what? You iust said to her its ok! " see what i mean)

Or a funny note, let me tell you the common mums in the group and see if we can relate or i am just weird

The MLM mum (invites everyone, lives on social media)
The no-take shit mum (well the outspoken saviour, has to voice opinions on everything wont let go)
The paranormal mum(medium, ghosts, positive energy all sorts)
The look-at-my-kids mum(posts atleast one pic of their DC everyday and mention arent they cute?)
Now the majority- the silent diplomatic mums 😂

Dont get me wrong they are wonderful in their ways. You can say this is light hearted post but I was wondering if its just really common mix?

What do you mean by 'mums group'? Is it another name for a toddler group? If so then no, I always found them to be much more supportive than competitive and judgemental!!

They are generally awful. I was so lucky to have a group of friends who all had babies around the same time so I avoided it all. The ones I did try were so cliquey it was vile.

More misogynistic tripe! Was it inspired by the school mums thread?

I agree. There is a competitive parenting streak which seems to permeate every mums' group and school playground.

One advantage of working full-time when ds was small was avoiding parents and their boasting most of the time.

Well make your mind up. Either they're as awful as you say, or:

Now the majority- the silent diplomatic mums 😂

Anyway, nice bit of mum-hating!

All the baby groups around me were awful! I’m confident to speak to people so would join other mums and chat with them and they’d look at me like I had two heads. It was also very competitive about who’s baby slept the most or had a law degree before they turned 1 etc. Horrific!

@InDubiousBattle

What do you mean by 'mums group'? Is it another name for a toddler group? If so then no, I always found them to be much more supportive than competitive and judgemental!!

Oh yea mums group,baby group, toddler group etc

Thats nice that you have a supportive one! I am not saying mine isnt, just sometimes it feels it strays from the purpose

@AlexisRoselovesTedtheVet

More misogynistic tripe! Was it inspired by the school mums thread?

What? No

I have nothing against anyone. Just stating an observation although I could be wrong

Yes i agree. We have a WhatsApp group chat with the mums from DD'S class.

One parent will comment to ask "when your dc moved booked bands did they get a certificate" then other mum will reply "oh yes when my dd was on that band last yeah she did, she moved to gold this year and got a certificate". I just chuckle to myself

I agree there are a lot of competitive mums out there. Some of them are insecure I think. I definitely found going to meetups with my antenatal group depressing after a while. My DS has ASD, we didn't know it then, but it was hard seeing their kids do things he couldn't. And they were smug about it rather than sympathetic - the unspoken assumption was that any delays were down to my parenting as I did things quite differently to them (BF when they stopped by 3 months, coslept, didn't do CIO etc).

You seem to want to sort people into neat and tidy stereotypes! I'm afraid life isn't that simple.

@PaperTowels

Well make your mind up. Either they're as awful as you say, or:

Now the majority- the silent diplomatic mums 😂

Anyway, nice bit of mum-hating!

I didnt say they are awful. I just said there are different kinds. We can agree its not exactly black and white for me to take a firm stand? I am desperate too to have support, friends, just good meetups but whats wrong with observing things?

Not mum-hating at all. Not here for hate of any kind just was curious if everyone sees similar things as i do

I went to one bad baby group but found 3 a week that both myself and my 2 year old really enjoyed. They are a lifeline for many to help break up the day, get out of the house and have some adult conversation. We have really missed them this year with Covid. The ones we attended were mostly at local churches run by retired volunteers. I’ll miss the nativity this year run at one with all the toddlers dressed up. Most parents were always friendly and supportive.

However there will always be competitive parents, I find it more with the school WhatsApp.

@DreamLoverr

Yes i agree. We have a WhatsApp group chat with the mums from DD'S class.

One parent will comment to ask "when your dc moved booked bands did they get a certificate" then other mum will reply "oh yes when my dd was on that band last yeah she did, she moved to gold this year and got a certificate". I just chuckle to myself

Oh yes I see this a lot!

Yes some are this moves up into the primary school playground

It’s not misogynistic crap if that is a women’s experience

I found being a single parent you are not invited to all events once friendships were made, rather then being accepted I would often be judged as assumed I was on benefits and then others who seemed deeply disappointed that I didn’t have a sad tale to tell and got on with my ex and was getting on perfectly fine and didn’t find being a single parent challenging was I meant to lie to make them feel better

@TulipsTwoLips

You seem to want to sort people into neat and tidy stereotypes! I'm afraid life isn't that simple.

I agree, i wasnt trying to group them just a light hearted way of seeing things i suppose.

This is such an - I'm assuming unintentionally - ironic post.

Think you might be the judge-y one, OP.

My experience of competitive parenting has been that it’s an absolute pain in the arse but it’s really not confined to mums - in my social circle many of the dads are just as bad, if not worse.

One advantage of working full-time when ds was small was avoiding parents and their boasting most of the time.

Yes, this has also been my experience. As soon as I went back to work, I was much less aware of it - avoided it, didn’t have time for it and didn’t care.

@juliainthedeepwater

This is such an - I'm assuming unintentionally - ironic post.

Think you might be the judge-y one, OP.

my thoughts exactly.

Same re: all those concerned about the 'competitive' mums. Sounds to me like you are the one competing... just some food for thought.

Yes, a lot of judging here going on by posters who are ironically complaining about and pigeonholing other mums!

If you're wondering who the secretly snarky one is in your group, maybe you don't have far to look.

Always hated groups where mostly women attended. Too many cliques - they attended with their friends and made no attempt to be friendly with others.

Too much bragging and showing off and as for support - forget it!

But the worst thing I found about groups was some people’s inability to see when their child was causing havoc and instead putting it down to - aw look, he’s such a little leader, keeping all the other kids in line. No - he’s a menace because you’re not parenting him. I preferred taking my kids to the park where they could play and I could read a book.

I remember going to parents groups (shock horror there were even dads there) and the parents all seemed normal same at my sons schools on parenting forums though the double standards and 'females are perfect and precious and never do anything wrong' unless they are Sister and Mother in Laws, or the old or new partner (depending on the poster) or work colleagues or school mums.

I've not noticed this. Generally parents I've met have been perfectly pleasant. Some of them have become friends.

IME people are rarely "secretly" being competitive or judgmental. I find it mostly quite overt and in-my-face.