To ask how to stop harassment by someone in Australia

[DK123]

I don't know who else to ask about this and was hoping fellow MNetters might have an idea what to do!

My friend (in the U.K.) has been continually harassed by an ex boyfriend who is an Australian Citizen who normally resides in Australia.

It ranges from text messages from unknown and new numbers, letters, unwanted gifts and packages, trying to contact her young child, contacting her friends and colleagues and he has also turned up in the vicinity of her home in the U.K. a number of times. He was a compulsive liar and claims to occasionally work in the U.K. but there is no excuse to be near her home or try to approach her.

I want to help as this is causing her a huge amount of distress and anxiety, but I have no idea where to start with this. I've suggested changing her number, but that alone isn't enough- he's contacting other people, sending stuff in the mail and turning up.

I'd be very grateful if anyone has any ideas - or if anyone's experienced something like this - or if anyone has lived in Australia and knows anything about the police there and how they might deal with harassment.

Thank you!

You need to speak to the police. Only they will be able to help.

How is he just turning up? It's so hard to get in and out of Australia with the closed borders. Was the turning up pre march?

My friend who got harassed eventually had to contact some of his friends. It didnt stop until other people in his life told him what he was doing was crazy. Its changed her behaviour forever though, even now she waits three weeks to post a holiday pic so he cant just show up in the location.

Firstly she must change her number and advise people not to give it to anyone asking for it without her say so. If unwanted items arrive she should return to sender.

She needs to vary her routine so he can’t guess where she will be based on habits. Speaking to the police will give more tips.

Is he living in the UK or in Australia. Its a police matter if he is harrassing her.

I think she needs to go to the police but she doesn't know whether to talk to the UK or Australian police. I wouldn't be surprised if he was already known to his local police.

He was turning up before March but he managed to get out of Australia and turn up in the U.K. (not sure what the regulations where he departed from were at the time or if his real job would have allowed this) in around September.

I think he has quite a lot of money because turning up to stalk someone from the other side of the world is no easy feat and isn't exactly a cheap thing to do. But I don't know whether there's any truth in any of the stuff he's said about his job and he turns up when he's in the U.K. for work.

I think she should speak to the police here - they can certainly advise, and may be able to help - especially if he is turning up at her UK address (does that mean he’s staying here, a bit confused about where he is). She could also contact the charity Paladin for advice. Hope she can get some help.

Sorry OP - cross post. Talking to police here is definitely a good starting point

I think the U.K. police would be a good start and they must be used to contacting police departments in other countries about all sorts of things. I'm a bit confused about where he really is a lot of the time, he tells so many lies its hard to know whether he ever left the country when he said he did and whether he's been here all along.

She needs to contact the police with a formal complaint about his criminal harassment. Emphasise the fact he keeps pestering her child, which is completely inappropriate, potential paedophile. A good enough reason to ask UK police to check his criminal record in Australia for violence and any abuse of women or children.

Keep a record of every message, sighting., text, all contacts with her , her friends and family etc

In her shoes I'd be changing my phone number, email address etc.

. Keep a diary of every contact from him. If she finds out he's in the UK, contact police immediately.

   If he keeps this up then his behaviour is going toproduce a criminal record, and sooner or later that  could  prevent him entering the UK.

Similar to what a PP said, he did turn up in one of her holiday destinations last year. He seems to have a lot of money because as far as I can tell, he does flit across the globe (genuinely some of the time) and when he was with her, he didn't seem to have any work to get on with as far as she could tell. I think this is why he's so persistent- he has the means and the free time whereas a lot of what he's doing would be impossible for most creeps, even if they wanted to.

Is the child his?

It was very difficult to fly out of Australia in September. Do you think maybe he has always been in the UK.

Get her to write a log of the incidents and then take it to the police. They will advise.

The police here in the uk should be able to access whether or not he has a criminal record in Oz. When I went for my now job I had to do an Aussie DBS as wasn’t in the uk a full 5 years and that would’ve flagged something up. It’s called an Australian Police Check iirc.
If he gets convicted he might get sent back. Well, that’s what they would’ve done to me in Oz if I was to be arrested.

This is stalking and it needs to be reported to local UK police who will interview your friend.
If she hasn't already done so she needs to message him or email him to say " Do not contact me or my child again. Do not ask others to contact on your behalf. I don't wish to have any contact with you whatsoever"
She needs to record and document any thing else that happens.
When she reports to police don't allow them to record as harassment, its stalking and should be recorded as such.
These people are wonderful
www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

I assume he is the childs father?

And I assume the gifts he sends are for the child?

Police can check flight and Visa records, so if she reports everything to UK police they will investigate basic background first then be able to give advice to your friend on next steps and how she can protect herself and whether they can take any action against him. She can also get advice from domestic violence charities in the UK as its an ex partner, they may be able to refer her for legal advice

Sorry I should have been clearer - he's not her child's father. He's got no reason to have anything to do with her child at all.

And part of what I find so disgusting about what's happening and the form the stalking is taking is he's making out he misses the child, is sending things for her including letters my friend is supposed to read to her etc. The little girl is only 4 and it's bad enough that this man has caused her a lot of upset by disappearing out of her life suddenly and then trying to make contact. She's far too young to understand what sort of person he is and to her, he's a man who was really nice to her and she's already upset about loosing. It came to light after a long time that the man had told a lot of lies and he's caused my friend a lot of distress, hence the breakup, followed by the stalking/harassment - which makes me angry, but I'm even more incensed that he's caused so much heartbreak to her lovely little girl.

@MrsTwitcher I still think he's probably been in the U.K. most of the time and he was pretending to come and go on business. A lot of his supposed business contracts didn't make sense to me and just wouldn't have justified/financed him jet setting round the world business class as he constantly claimed.

I think the name we've got for him is genuine. It matches flight tickets she's seen and there is quite a bit online about his family business, so he appears to be who he says he is (although beyond that I don't believe much of what he's said about himself)

I just can't believe this guy has got to his early 40s and is clearly unhinged, with no boundaries, without cropping up on police radar somewhere.

My worry is that whilst the police will be sympathetic and listen, how much can really be done to stop him turning up in the future? I'm very worried he will try and approach the child at some point, like turning up at a primary school and approaching her.

Stop speculating the two of you and your friend needs to pick up the phone and call the police.