Anyone else really struggle to engage is school mum “ friendships “

[Whattheactual20201]

Just that really 🤣 I am really struggling !
When DC1 was in primary school I think everyone just assumed I was his au pair.
DC2 now is year 2. I am 28, I don’t seem to fit in any of the clicks ! I told my self I would try when DC started school but have yet found our self not being invited to the breakfast meet ups etc not really being asked to be involved in the “ events “
I am on the what’s app group but find my self not engaging much as a lot of it is about their kids scores on maths whizz or similar apps and speaking results plus what parts their kids have got in nativity and I just sort of shrug ( maybe because my DD would never be given a part and defo won’t get any certificates etc ) which I know is not their fault !
However I do feel bad on DD that she isn’t invited / involved in many of the outside of school things or in the organised PTA events.

I am clearly the problem but not sure how I even fix it 🤣

Age is difficult now I think, I’m an “older” mum in traditional language but I see people much older than me with very young children. I had my first at 34 and naturally gravitated towards mums of similar age but really I was lucky that my actual mates had babies at similar time.

It’s a tough one, personally I think a couple of high quality friends are better than loads of acquaintances. There’s a lot of competition, especially in the high pressure world of WhatsApp/insta/Facebook with all the subliminal expectations.

It sounds like you are doing great, just crack on as you are...

I think those morning coffees and best friend meeting at the school gate or a mythical thing.
There's one obvious mammy alpha gang at the school you'd need a crow bar to break in and a big mouth to be heard.
I made a nice friend through DD other than school updates, sleepover or party arrangements it is just a "hi good morning"
Then we don't do whole class parties here as the normal either.

I agree with @FudgeDrudge in the first reply, and what @IndecentFeminist said on P1. Also @HintOfVintagePink on this page.

I haven't voted, as I can't really understand what YA or YANBU about.

I've managed to get 3 dc all the way from Nursery to University without ever going to a 'breakfast meet up' or a 'Mums night out'.

I 'got along with' lots of people (over all the years, x 3 dc). I was friendly enough that we could arrange lift shares, or to hold on to someone's child if they'd got caught up in traffic or getting out of work. I could have a chat if waiting for the dc to come out, or strolling home together if we lived in the same direction, but never felt the need to start going out together.

I also hate these regular threads talking about 'cliques' when what people are overwhelmingly seeing is a group of friends that already know one another (might be related, or friends from their own schooldays, or might have older dc in the same class and have got to know one another, or might know each other from something outside school).
Not sure at all why people think giving birth in the same year should instantly form a friendship bond with everyone else who gave birth, anymore than working in a certain job automatically makes you close friends with colleagues, or playing the same sport or singing in the same choir means you are all going to be friends.

You will be meet someone like you try not to stress don't dive into the bigger groups it is rarely friendly.
I prefer to chat with the lone standers like myself it gives variety without pressure.