My Dad told me I shouldn't have had DD2 if I were only going to go back to work, and I'm cross

[LadySnotAlot]

I'm literally quite fuming actually.

He said "You should never have had DD2 if you were going to go back to work. How can you put her in with a childminder? It's unfair on her."

Then he said why don't I just get rid of DH because he's making me go to work?!?!?!

The really annoying thing is that DH is quite a supportive person.

I've been incredibly lucky that I have been able to take 2 years out. My DS1 is nearly 5 and DD2 is 18 months. I had to work and use a childminder and nursery with DS1.

We moved to a bigger house last year, interest rate rises hit etc etc and now we desperately need the money and I'm going back to work part-time from next week.

I'm going for 20 hours a week spread over 5 days so the children will both still get to see me from half past two in the afternoon onwards.

My father seems to think that I'm just going back to work on a whim. Of course I don't want to, but when needs must. I've explained all this to him and it's falling on deaf ears and now I'm really pissed off.

"It is neither possible nor desirable to spend every single minute of every single day with one's offspring once they are past the newborn stage".

So where does that leave SAHM single parents of any child older than 3 months, or the carer in a couple whose partner is out at work before and after the baby's/toddlers/pre-schoolers waking hours?

In an impossible and undesirable situation??? What an inflamatory thing to say.

OP - your Dad is being unreasonable and hurtful - and hypocritical given his attitude to his youngest daughter. No wonder you are annoyed. Don't blame you.

tell your dad to fuck right off - or pay your mortgage.

Having been a SAHM myself, Daphne, I'd say I needed a little bit of time to myself occasionally and actually left my baby/dc with dh or babysitter. Also babysat the dc of friends in similar situation.

Even SAHMs go to the hairdresser, dentist or out for the evening occasionally. Even if the evening out is only to Tesco (used to meet a lot of friends in there!).

Not going to argue with you Elastic. You appear to have missed the point of the OP and chosen her thread on which to air your views on a different issue entirely!

What are you going to say to him Ladysnot? Or will you just leave it and seethe like most of us do with our parents and their very annoying points of view?

Not going to argue with me Daphne? But you are arguing. Thank you for letting me know that I have not made myself clear; I'll try again. What I am saying to the OP is that it seems to me that all mothers need some time away from their children, whether it is to do paid work or for other reasons. It is a question of individual judgment as to how much time away they should have. Some mothers who are SAHMs spend a huge proportion of their time in the company of their dc, even taking them into the toilet with them etc, but I doubt any mother spends 100% of her time with her child(ren) past the newborn stage. Therefore it is not a question of whether to leave them, but for how long.

Daphne your interpretation of my post is not the point I was trying to make.

Thanks everyone! I think that Elasticwoman has a valid point and although I'm a SAHM (soon to be WAHM!?!) I totally agree that every woman needs time away from their children (even if it is only a private 5 minutes in the loo!!)

I know if I don't get my couple of hours a week at the gym I feel claustraphobic. Especially with a DH who goes to work before the kids wake up and gets in just as they're going to bed!!!