If you believe in something ..does it mean you have to accept it , even if its not right to you .

[Natsel84]

Ok , the title of the thread probably doesn't make sense . Im sat here pondering about something. Not so much a AIBU but what are your thoughts .

My dad died nearly a month ago . He died from covid , but he did have underlying health conditions ( parkinsons , he had this for a very long time ) . He caught it whilst in hospital, in a room on his own in a supposedly covid free ward. ( but that's for another time )

for whatever reason , I believe there is a time and date you have to die, although Im not saying its right or justified ( I accept people may not agree and that is fine )
But as much I believe in this, I just cannot accept that hes gone . I feel that covid has stolen my dad away from myself and my family . He died alone without us by his side , that I also find hard to deal with.

I mean am I thinking this way because its part of the grieving process . I guess I dont know what I'm asking as such .. but even if it was my dads time to go , do I really have to accept he's gone ??

It’s part of the grieving process. You can mentally decide that it was his time, but your emotions aren’t on the same page.

It’s ok to grieve and miss him. It’s ok to feel sad and disappointed it happened this way. No one should have to die alone, or not be there when someone so precious passes. You can let yourself work through that, even if your belief is that there is a time and place to go.

I suppose the way I'd look at it is to say, what's the other option? Not accepting it? That isn't likely to turn out well, and I can't imagine it would give your father any pleasure if he knew.

But really, you are right I think that it is part of the grieving process. For a while, a change like this just doesn't seem real, it's a thing that has been constant your whole life that now, isn't there any more. Over time you will probably find it easier to accept.

Just be gentle with yourself, OP.

I'm so sorry about your dad. It makes sense to me that you don't accept that it was his time. COVID has arrived uninvited and taken him. Allow yourself to feel the way you do. It's only natural, but you may feel differently given time.

It's very common to feel that way after a sudden death, and at the moment death is especially weird and surreal, because people can't be together in the way they usually would when someone has died or is dying.

I lost a family member recently and although I am sad about it, I also don't think I've really accepted/processed that she's gone. A funeral which is streamed and has a handful of people physically there is not normal. Not being able to physically be with people who loved her, or near places I associate with her and feel her absence means that she doesn't feel gone. But she is.

It might be that it makes more sense in time. A month is not very long at all. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about whether your feelings are "right", they just are what they are.

(((HUG))). I'm sorry to hear about your Dad & especially sad that you couldn't be with him.

I don't agree with you that we have a specific date/time that we will die, but that's neither here nor there I suppose.

'Acceptance' is an odd thing. My Dad died suddenly & away from home, but I saw him in the funeral home (several times). So I accept that he died, but it was much harder to accept that he wasn't still here. That he wasn't still being The Best Dad, Husband & Grandad... it was/is hard to accept he didn't get to enjoy his family, his retirement....

My Dad died a decade ago now & a couple of days ago I had a moment where I thought 'I must ask Dad...'.

It still hurts a LOT, but it's not as permanently raw.

I read something on here the other day and slthough I'd heard the same sentiment in a hundred different ways, this just hit home.

Live MORE for those that have gone 💕

Take care of yourself & be gentle, it's hard losing your Dad, but even more so the way you did xx

You're allowed to change your mind, your values and your beliefs at any point in your life. I'm sorry for your loss x

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I don't think I believe there's a fixed time or date, but who really knows. The manner of your father's death is tragic which makes it much harder to accept, and leads to all the questions about what could have been different. Maybe would be easier to accept death if everyone died at home after a long and fulfilling life, but sometimes that doesn't make it easier at all. Sometimes it's easier to accept when the person has been suffering. I think any Covid death is going to be especially hard to come to terms with because of all the unknowns.

I wish I had some words of comfort for you. It does get less painful.