To ask you to help me decide.

[Nellytheele]

İf you were me what would you do... (Christmas present for DM)

Last year i planned on getting my mum a dolce gusto coffee machine for Xmas. Had thousands of good reviews and it was on offer. Can use lots of different coffee pods like Starbucks and Costa etc. She's only recently (last 3 years) started drinking coffee and my stepdad makes them for her in the mornings. She drinks a latte. When he's working earlies she's not able to have one and gets grumpy or walks to starbucks for one, so thought this machine would be great. She's the type of person who'll never use something if it's too complicated. İ showed her this machine but she never got back to me so bought her something else. My step father text me a few days later saying i should buy her this other machine, and he'd buy a milk frother to go with it so she can make "perfect coffees just how she likes". İ told him if it was too much effort etc then she wouldn't use it and that the other machine i saw seemed alot simpler but he insisted this was better and better tasting coffee. İt's been almost a year and my mum has used it once because the pods she can use in it she doesn't like the taste of. So a waste of money.

So this year, same machine i was going to get last year is on offer again. İ asked if she wanted it and she said yes at first but then said wait and she'll read up on it. İ keep asking and she says she's not sure and she hadn't actually read up on it. İ said if you don't want it then just say and I'll get something else. But i don't want to waste money. Her answer is "i don't want anything for Xmas"

So do I buy the machine or not? İt's on offer for £28 but I'm a single mum so don't want to waste money on something but i can't tell what to do. Or do you have any suggestions in what to get her? She's the most difficult person to buy for. She has no friends so doesn't go out, has no hobbies.... İnto make up, gettin lashes and nails done but my stepfather gets her vouchers for these and she has a massive make up/perfume/skin care collection. I'm going to make.her a scrapbook with memories and photos of my daughter and nephew but i want to give her something else, something decent as she helps me out alot with my daughter.

Any help and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm usually good at gift buyin but this year I'm struggling.

I really wouldn't bother, she has one that's practically unused and has said she doesn't actually want anything.
Why is this an issue? Would she be all martyrish or would you feel bad?

@CoRhona well she says she doesn't want anything, but i know for a fact that she'd be disappointed if i got her nothing. Because my brother doesn't get her anything either and she moans about it (mainly because she helps him out all the time)
But also her mum, my nan is the same. She says she doesn't want anything for Xmas and then moans and complains when she doesn't receive anything.

Plus i do like to get her something as she is my mum after all and she does help me out with babysitting my daughter for me to work.

I wouldn’t buy another machine if I were you. Who’s to say she’ll use this one?

Get her a Christmas present. Just not a coffee machine.

Are you sure about only one type of pod on the one she has? I had impression there many different flavours to choose form.

Assuming flavours can't be improved, Offer to Ebay sell the one she has but doesn't like pods for. You can discuss who gets the profit.

Get her the other sort. As you say, this is about the thought not the result that counts, and she may like this one a lot better. If the 2nd one fails, then you can give up but no worries until her birthday.

I'm terrifically fussy but I still like simple easy things like chocolate, flowers, or even oxfam goats.

I wouldn't buy her it as she doesn't seem to want it. Some suggestions off the top of my head.. a really nice dressing gown/slippers/pjs, nice scarf/gloves, electric wax melt burner, a hamper with special foods/drinks, decent headphones, an Alexa

I wouldn’t buy another machine and it sounds like you are putting a bit of pressure on her to make a decision but she feels a bit overwhelmed. I don’t think present giving should be like that.

I’d consider (I don’t know your mum so this list might vary for you) books, an accessory or jewellery in her style, maybe practical home stuff depending on what she likes there - kitchen or dining, gardening etc, and back up would be a versatile voucher like John Lewis or something.

I think the scrapbook sounds lovely.

So you've asked her if she wants it. Her response is I don't want anything. And yet you still want to get her it? Give your head a wobble. Don't buy it. She doesn't want it otherwise she would have said so, probably too polite to say no more clearly. Get her something else.

Do not buy it , look I'm sure you would rather spend the money on something else .
You are like so many others who just want to tick off a gift regardless if they want or will use it .
It's pointless if you don't know what to get her then think if it be a nice plant / flowers a meal somewhere in the new year . Do not buy people things the don't want .

I did a photo album for a recent family birthday. Best present ever.

Ok so I'll not buy her the machine. Haha

@PizzaForOne my mum is the type of person who makes out like she doesn't want something because she thinks it's too much money. She originally said yes to the machine. But then about 10 mins later said wait let me read up on it first. That's why i asked again. But thanks for the input.

I'll stick with the scrap book, she's not much of a reader and she hates cooking, she's also not really a fan of flowers. So those types of gifts are out of the window. Maybe I'll just get her a decent set from lush, I'm sure there's a soap she has that's her favourite from there.
She isn't the ungrateful type with gifts, i could just give her the scrapbook and she'd probably be happy. But i want to give her something else, as a thank you too and because nobody else makes an effort for her. She's not had an easy life, so now i can afford a bit more then i would like to give something back.

I think if there is nothing she especially wants then a surprise is the fun part. Something more expensive than she would bother to buy herself so a bit more special. If £28 is the budget then perhaps a nice pair of pyjamas? Has she complained of being bored due to lockdown? If so a grown up colouring book and nice pens? A nice mug for her coffee? I would never buy myself a £20 mug but I would like it as a gift.

A bit Covid dependent, but how about booking her a make over in eg John Lewis and a voucher to go with it so that she can buy some of the products used.

Does she enjoy cooking? I once got my DH a spice subscription, I think 3 months is about £26 and 6 months about £46. Each month you get the spices needed to make a particular dish and the recipe card to go with it.

Amazon voucher - message in card

‘Mum, I love you dearly & wanted to get your something this Christmas to show my appreciation for all you do for us. But I think I’ll leave the choosing to you 😉 Lots of love Nellytheele X’