To be so scared about an ADHD assessment?

[Redlipstick55]

I have an ADHD assessment next week (I'm in my 30s) and I'm just so worried about it I can barely breathe during the day. This fear centres entirely around the fact that the doctor won't believe me. I have waited over 2 years for this assessment so I feel like even more is riding on the outcome.

What is riding on the outcome?

I especially feel worried as I did very well academically (but in no other area of life tbh), I don't display classical hyperactivity and I'm female. I was always more of the daydreamer type.

Ah apologies, riding on the outcome is probably the wrong phrase - my life is falling to pieces as I can't keep up with anything, and it has been for a long time. So if I don't have ADHD, then I am still stuck with the same symptoms and no help. I have exhausted all other avenues of help.

Hi Red,
You're definitely not being unreasonable! I felt the same way before my adult dyspraxia assessment, the fear of being told you don't have it is very normal and understandable. If it helps, once you've done the screening tests etc you're likely to be diagnosed, most people that get as far as an assessment are in my wholly unscientific experience. For now, is there anything you can do to help keep a bit calmer? The Breathe2relax app is really good in my experience, as well as basic self help stuff like going for walks and eating well. Hugs

I just read a piece about Adrian Chiles being diagnosed in his 50s with ADD. Try to find it if you can. It might give you some hope. Xx

I can see why you are nervous. But an ADHD diagnosis will only help if you have ADHD. And if you have ADHD there is no reason to suppose that you won't be diagnosed.

I know what you mean by wanting to be believed, it's a horrible feeling when you are not.

Thank you for your reply, Baked. Coming on Mumsnet was my last resort to try and calm down I've tried everything else, even using that Shout text service. Is it normal to have a fear of being told you don't have something though? I was talking to a friend about it and she said surely you should be scared of being diagnosed with it! That does make sense but when you're suffering so much you just want to find the cause and right help and make it all go away

I didn't know that about Chiles! I will definitely look it up

Thanks for your reply, Porcupine. From what I've read online there are doctors who are reluctant to diagnose even when people fit the symptoms, I'm not sure how true that is

All I can say is YANBU and i totally understand! I'm on the waiting list for my ASD assessment, probably a year away from getting it now. And we get so used to blaming ourselves for all the things that we find difficult that to find there may be an underlying cause is... scary. Because not having it would mean everything bad we told ourselves might be true! Or at least that's how it is for me. I think I may have ADD too x

Yes blueberry, I think that's exactly it! If it's not ADHD then I'm just a real failure, who wasted all my potential... It's very hard to think about it. Good luck with the ASD assessment, I hope you get some answers. I was diagnosed with ASD pretty early on and the assessment was nerve-wracking for different reasons, the doctor was trying to make intense eye contact and I hate eye contact >.

Good luck with your assessment. I know quite a few women who have been diagnosed with ADHD (or ASD) as adults, it seems as if it’s becoming more widely recognised. They are all v different from the “naughty boy” image I have in my head as an ADHD stereotype.

I completely understand why you would want a diagnosis, and be nervous about it. I actually think feeling or knowing something is wrong but not what it is can be just as, if not more, anxiety-inducing than once you have a diagnosis.

Have you been using coping mechanisms etc designed for people w ADHD? Whatever the test outcome there might be techniques you could employ to help you day to day.

Good luck OP.

I was recently diagnosed at 53 and it was a bit of a surprise. It has been interesting learning about how my brain works and I'm still basically thinking through thousands of examples of past decisions and behaviour that I see now in a new light.

Having said that, apart from having this fact of the diagnosis in my mind, not much has changed. Knowing I have it hasn't changed my behaviour. It will take time and effort, maybe coaching or therapy, a lot of self work for sure.

My point is that the diagnosis itself doesn't matter all that much. If you think you have it then approach the next steps assuming that. There's so much stuff available online, it's crazy. Articles, Facebook groups, forums, podcasts, coaches etc etc. It's yours for the taking. Loads of support out there.

What you won't get without a diagnosis is a prescription. But I've tried medication and cannot physically tolerate it. That has been disappointing but then again...it wouldn't have really changed me. I still have to learn new skills and tactics to make my life easier and better because the meds made me able to focus better for a few hours but not necessarily on work. I'd get stuck in a trance looking stuff up on my phone.

Anyway I'm rambling a bit. But don't be nervous about it OP, whatever happens you can still get help.

And I didn't manage to say this...that you may not get the diagnosis but you may still have it.

And if you don't...all the podcasts and self help out there is still going to help you because they can help with some of the executive function skills.

Join the adult ADHD reddit forum, OP, there's a lot of techniques there that are very helpful.

In case your doctor brushes you off, if you can afford it, a private diagnosis will be much better.

I have tried a technique I read about using timers and alarms when doing tasks - but then I kept forgetting to set the alarms. Or I would ignore them when they went off and act on impulse. I even wrote a big sign for my desk reminding me to use alarms - and still forgot to set them

I do have a question about going private though - if an NHS doctor says you don't have it, and a private doctor says you do, how do you know which is right? Don't they both have the same medical training?

Redlips, my dd felt this way, she was totally anxious about not being belived. She often day dreams and because she was quiet at school she didn't fit the hyperactive model. Hope this helps!

"I was recently diagnosed at 53 and it was a bit of a surprise. It has been interesting learning about how my brain works and I'm still basically thinking through thousands of examples of past decisions and behaviour that I see now in a new light."

Yes I know what you mean, MostInept (your username is incredible btw) if I do have it I would be able to forgive myself for my failures, knowing that it wasn't just me being a failure. I could go over old events and consider them differently

Thank you, pmac, that is reassuring

Oh OP I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It took me a long time to get to the point of the appointment and it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster TBH. I felt utterly drained at the end of it. And nobody understood how big of a deal it was. It changed my life.

It's the fear that they will turn around and say "Nope, there's nothing wrong with you. You actually are just this bad at being an adult. Nothing you can do about it. Have a crappy rest of your life!"

IME they don't. Because somebody in this level of distress/struggling is struggling with something, and if you've got this far in the process, there is a good chance it's ADHD. If it's not ADHD, then it is probably something else - and it's a legitimate question to ask: "If you don't think I have ADHD, could you tell me why you think life is so hard for me?"

It's times like this I'm so grateful for Mumsnet, none of my family have been able to calm me down but I feel calmer reading your responses

Recently diagnosed, I understand the feeling - if it's not ADHD then I'm a failure. Have you looked online and found diagnostic criteria? Assuming yes, then you will already know if you do or don't meet it. Daydreaming is pretty typical for girls and academic success, especially in the structure of educational institution, is not necessarily indicative of not having ADHD. My GP was reluctant to refer me, despite having pretty textbook symptoms.

Well it's a clinical diagnosis, so it only ever is someone's opinion, there is no objective test they can do that says you definitely have it or don't. It's fine to seek a second opinion, that's accepted medical practice.

I don't really know the ins and outs of private vs NHS diagnosis, but I think it might affect whether you can get medication prescribed on the NHS? I'm not 100% sure, sorry.

Yes Bertie, thank you for your post, I am very worried about the length of the appt. I have been told 2 hours long and I don't know how I can handle being anxious and talking about bad stuff for that long... Other therapy appts and the ASD assessment were only an hour