To want the school to tell me if my daughter is sent to the heads office.

[Jgb12]

Hi all, I have two children. My eldest who has autism and my Dd who is being assessed. Both go to the same mainstream school with usually very few issues. Both thrive on routine at school and are settled in well but settling them back down since September has been a struggle.

Anyway, Dd has told me on occasions that she’s got told off for talking too much. Not ideal but kinda funny as she’s always been speech delayed (2 years behind). I’m glad her speech is coming along nicely she can talk confidently to her peers but maybe not during lessons 🤣 I think she’s struggled from the change between reception and year 1. More so because she only turned 5 in August and having so much time off.

This morning she told me in her words (she’s still speech delayed so struggles to explain things) that she was sent to the head teachers office and also her teachers office (her teacher is assistant head) as she had been naughty.

I have no issues with my children being told off at all. That is not the issue.

The issue is that DD’s told me she’s been sent to the heads office. She is struggling to explain to me why. So aibu to think the school should let me know if there’s been some issues? They’ve literally mentioned nothing. Even just quick phone call or email as I know how manic the end of the day is and how they often don’t want to talk about things like that on pick up. I would like to know if my daughters been having any behavioural issues. She also has an EHCP. To think if she was sent to the heads office it must have serious?

There were no reported issues in her first year (well 2 terms before lockdown). I would like to know if there’s been any change. Dd has been struggling with the change from reception to year 1. Also we’ve had a tough year with other things as well as covid (losing family members).

Aibu to think the school need to communicate more? I have no idea what’s going on. I’ve not seen any major changes to her behaviour at home but doesn’t seem to enjoy school as much!

Shall I email her teacher to ask how things are going? I’ve had very little feedback. She does have an EHCP as above and on the sen register. I feel like it’s a guessing game with the school!

Not necessarily serious, OP. At the moment, many staff members are self isolating, including teacher assistants, and teachers are under more pressure than usual.

I would drop the school an email to clarify, not to complain about the fact that they've sent her to HT but as you said above, your DD has trouble expressing herself and she didn't quite understand why she was sent there. It's really hard at the moment as it's possible that your DD has broken some of the covid rules for the 'bubble'. But it's important that you know what happened in order to reinforce the message at home and support positive behaviour.

Some schools are pretty liberal about sending kids to HT office. Others never do. It really depends on the school's behaviour policy.

I used to work in a job where I was in charge of student behaviour and if I had to contact parents every time I told a child off for something, I wouldn't have time to do my job properly. I suspect that if it was serious, or a recurring issue they would contact you.

With regard to the SEN, I don't think there would be anything wrong at all in emailing and requesting a phone call with the SENCO to discuss her progress and adjustment to the covid changes. Given the EHCP, you are reasonable to expect more communication about how things are going.

My son (year one) had a communication book in Reception which was useful as his TA or the teacher could jot down anything significant that happened. He has an EHCP - mainly for his visual impairment - but he also has some other challenging behaviours so it was useful to understand if there had been any problems throughout the day, as he also struggled with explains sometimes (and gets frustrated / angry if questioned).

Mine is also in year 1 with an EHCP. Generally I always get phone calls for significant stuff. Things like going to the head could just be a brief time out.we have a communication book which helps

@NanooCov my two always had communication books too but the school won’t allow it at the minute as it’s an additional item that needs to come into school. They are really strict with what can be brought in. So annoying. Infants aren’t even allowed to take a lunch box and no backpacks of drink bottles. Crazy.

Yes, just send an email saying "Just wanted to check how dd is getting on and whether there have been problems with her behaviour at school as she mentioned getting sent to the Head's and Deputy's office"
You never know, it could be a complete misunderstanding. I have a memory of being in Year 1 and being sent out for throwing cubes that we used for maths. The Head came along and asked me why i was there and i told her. The Head spoke to the teacher who denied all knowledge of sending me out. She wasn't the type to lie it must have just been some weird misunderstanding by me. Maybe i was told off for throwing cubes and somehow thought I'd been sent out

I consider myself lucky for how it turned out as it was the 70s and the Head still smacked kids!!

Given your child has communication issues I think it would be entirely reasonable to expect an email or something- the need for the communication book has not disappeared just because covid means a physical book can't safely be used atm, so an alternative does need to be put in place.

I've taught infants for years and I can count on one hand the number of children I've felt I have to send to the Head's office. She's so young to be sent out, she was probably quite frightened about it. The fact that she can't communicate why with you suggests that you really ought to check what happened with her teacher. Not in an accusatory or complaining way, just for clarification and if there are any issues you should be aware of.

just send a polite email explaining that your daughter wasn’t clear on what had happened.
is it possible that the head has additional qualifications, so had been called in in that capacity rather than as “head”? ours used to be SENCo and is the owner of the school therapy dog, so kids occasionally get send to her to interact with the dog as it calms many SENDs children.