My ex husband (we split 2 years ago, divorced 18 months ago) have had a relaxed and non-confrontational approach to child parenting since we split. We have had the odd coffee. We didn’t fight over the split or money. No one cheated. He was just miserable to live with and I got fed up of doing everything.
He has suffered with anxiety (particularly health anxiety) and depression. He found Covid hard but continued to see DD. Until summer when he went to his parents (4hrs drive away), didn’t see DD for weeks on end, refused to tell us his plans to return or not. I don’t care but DD was pretty upset and confused.
Long story short he is now back seeing DD and all was fine again. But he now wants to “talk”. The first talk he told me he’d realised his parents had emotionally neglected him. He couldn’t be happy. He was all messed up, etc.. he wants us to be friends, to do more stuff together... Apparently DD would love it (no she wouldn’t. She’s 9 and is perfectly happy with life as it is).
I am not great at confrontation and sort of hedged. I don’t want to hang out with my ex but I’d have felt bad saying a straight no. I said “Covid” a lot!!!
Now he wants to talk again. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care. If he had issues he can sort them. I spent years suggesting GPs, medication, counselling... he sucked the joy out of my life for years. He didn’t buy me a Xmas or birthday present for years (I bought my own). He was just a joy sucker.
I can say no can’t I? I don’t have to support him? I don’t want my DD to be impacted but I also don’t want to give over my evenings to propping up my ex husband!
YABU: you should support him for the sake of your kid. It’s only a few hours a week on the phone. Don’t be a cow.
YANBU: you did your part for 14 years. He is no longer your problem and you should tell him to go look for support from a professional.