To ask how your OH treats you?

[exhaustedbutstillgoing]

Mine isn't loving or affectionate at all and I am obsessing over being in a relationship and feeling loved and valued basically everything I don't have now.

I'm not sure if our relationship has just become very normal or he's just not in love with me anymore.

What is your OH like with you?

Very loving and affectionate, I’m currently lying on his knee while he strokes me hair.

It doesn’t really matter what’s “normal” though, it matters what YOU want.

It’s good Op, he is affectionate, lots of snuggles in bed, touches as I walk past, getting cosy on the sofa together, sex 2 or 3 times a week. We’ve been together 25 years.

All relationships are different but if you’re unhappy that’s a problem.

I am treated like the housekeeper end of

We aren’t all over each other but we cuddle up on the sofa and touch each other’s backs/shoulders if passing by in the house etc. Every relationship is different though with different ways of displaying intimacy.

Has he always been like that it has it got worse recently? Have you tried speaking to him? What happens if you go in for a cuddle etc?

Aww that's really nice, we have moments like that but it's just not enough. I just really want to feel loved and I don't at all. I've told him how I feel and he think I'm just joking and copies everything I say doesn't take me serious one bit.

It's got worse recently since he's got into this reselling thing buying and selling things and he's in this group and they share everything he's up all night talking to everyone.

I'm so unhappy and now I'm going to bed sad and I'm up at at 4 to start work at 6 then I'm not going to speak to him all day until I'm back and then even when I do come back he will be on his phone. I'm just so sad over it all

He’s kind and loving and affectionate.

He pops down for a kiss when I get in then goes back to work, rubs my feet, says nice things about me and how I look.

He’s my champion.

OP it really doesn't matter what's "normal" or not (there is no normal). There's only what makes you happy and what doesn't and this clearly doesn't.

Out of interest, why are you still with him? Do you have children?

Yes two DCs if I didn't have them I would be gone by now as awful as it sounds.

It sounds like you want someone to be love bombing you. That can feel wonderful, but it is not sustainable as a regular state of being.

Don't stay "for the sake of the children", you only get one chance at life and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect.

Serin is right. Staying for the children is not sustainable long term. You're condemning your entire family to stay in a situation which makes no-one happy. Your children won't thank you later in life for sacrificing yourself for this.

Children survive and adapt to separation if handled respectfully. But living with two people who don't love or respect one another is not a good model for them.

I'm not going to be glib and say LTB as I realise its a lot more complicated than it sounds and you haven't given tons of detail about why you want to leave. Also you don't say what your circumstances are and whether you have your own means.

But if you want to leave, don't stay out of guilt towards the children.

Do you work? Is there anyone you could stay with as an interim step?

@exhaustedbutstillgoing
Honestly? DP treats me amazingly.
Like you, I was with a DH (now exH!) who didn’t. Even though we were together 12 years, I never ever felt totally and utterly loved and cared for. So, I left him...
I crazed that unconditional, all consuming love and affection, and after many horrendous relationships, I’ve now found it.
Every single day, DP makes me feel special, beautiful, amazing.
@Seafog I disagree, with the right person, it CAN be a regular state of being.
Just a case of finding them, which I know is easier said than done.

*craved

@Seafog

Showing love and affection isn't 'love bombing' and it's really sad that you see it as unsustainable in a relationship.

@exhaustedbutstillgoing I have been with my dh 11 years and our relationship is affectionate, respectful, and loving- he's my best friend, my biggest supporter, and he makes me laugh every day.

That being said, relationships come in all shapes and sizes. The important thing is how do you want to be treated?

You sound unhappy so i think you should talk to your partner (and let him know you're not joking around). You deserve to be happy and if he can't/won't meet your emotional needs you are well within your rights to leave.

Sorry I wasn't clear, it read like the op wanted a lot more than love and affection, it sounded like she wanted to be constantly reassured, hence my use of love bombing.

To be clear, im very happy , in an affectionate and truly loving marriage of 23 years, so by no means do I think love and affection are not odd or goes away

Communication is key. I know you said he thinks its a joke but you need to take a different tone with him and make him see how serious you are. Its important to spend more time together. Put phones away by a certain time in the evening and watch some TV together/have a conversation. Get to know each other more. I've been with my husband for over a decade and I still learn new things which I find exciting!