Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Playschool behaviour at work

30 replies

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 21:59

I genuinely cannot believe I am even posting this...and posting for traffic so I am automatically being unreasonable

Up until the job I am currently in I have always worked in a heavily male weighted environment. After having a child and a couple of redundancy issues I am in a job I sort of enjoy. Its not world changing but it pays the bills. As a team we get on really well normally, have a laugh when there is time but mostly we keep our heads down and crack on with the work required.

It has become very noticeable since Jane (not her real name) joined the team after maternity leave that this is no longer the case. Dont get me wrong she is a lovely lady and had a really rough time with severe Post Natal mental health issues. I had a severe case of ante natal depression and a mild case of PND myself so I have a huge amount of empathy for her situation. We are not friends but we are friendly if that makes sense.

Since her return it is clear her mental health is not as strong as she protests it is. She has bouts of severe paranoia and almost manic mood swings. One day all is fine, we all chat as a team and others its like ww3 could erupt at any time.

After a recent clash between her and another team member I was asked to keep an eye on the situation and alert our manager should it seem like things might escalate. I did this at the start of last week as Jane has seemed more on edge and has become progressively more paranoid over the preceeding few weeks. Her behaviour towards a particular member of the team has become very erratic, she is constantly demanding to know why she has been left out of meetings, where everyone is every second of the day. Although we are on the same base team we work on completely different clients and our roles do not overlap. Meetings I may be invited to have absolutely nothing to do with her. She is not expected to cover my role so she doesn't need to be included. This applies to.other team members too. However, part of my role is global across all clients we work with. It is a very minor part of my role, takes all of 5 minutes a week. It is literally a data collection of work they all do weekly and then maintaining a global tracker.

As it turns out someone else has also reported concerns around her current behaviour.

Then last Friday it was mental for me. I am doing my role, part of our managers role that cannot be covered from home (management are all wfh) and also another colleague from a different department as they are on annual leave. I was really busy and basically kept my head down most of the day and didn't really join in as much with the general chit chat. Jane had also come in and was visibly in a foul mood, I asked if she was OK, she said she was so I accepted that and left it.

It now turns out she has been slagging me off to another colleague on the team, apparently I have blanked her and been rude to her, created an atmosphere because I wasn't joining in with the frivolity on Friday. She has been exceptionally shorty with me, eye rolling if I speak, ignoring me when I asked her for the information I needed for my work. She has been rude, dismissive and openly hostile towards myself and another lady who works on the same client as I do all day. I literally haven't done anything wrong, I have been exactly the same with her and everyone as I have always been so I really don't know where this hostility has come from.

How do i deal with this? Part of me wants to front up and ask her what the issue is but based on her recent history of exploding at people who have simply asked if she is OK I am.also very reluctant to say anything. Dp thinks I should just ignore it, keep.my head down and carry on as normal but honestly 1 day of this BS and the atmosphere she has created by being so moody and snarky with people is awful. Everyone is on eggshells because we all recognise this as a precursor to her blowing up.

Do I speak to my manager and ask her opinion or do I just ignore and carry on?

I am not used to working in this environment...help!!

OP posts:
PaperTowels · 16/11/2020 22:01

Definitely speak to your manager. And stop "managing" Jane - let her blow up!

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2020 22:03

I'd speak to your manager. You've been asked to report when she's erratic, she's being erratic.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 22:07

I am worried it will seem like tattle tailing as I spoke to her last week.

I will have to do it outside work because if anyone is speaking to her in work Jane demands to know why, what is said and why she hasn't been spoken to.

OP posts:
Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 22:09

@paperTowels I guess I just don't want to see her fail. She is a lovely lady when she is stable and I don't want to see her issues cause her to.lose her job which is likely what would happen if she blows up again.

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 16/11/2020 22:14

In that case I'd just tell her straight. Be upfront with her, that you are treating her no different to usual, there is no agenda against her, that everyone isn't answerable to her, if she hasn't been included in something it is simply because it doesn't concern her.
Then if she still carries on and blows up, that's her choice.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 22:15

[quote Tinyhumansurvivalist]@paperTowels I guess I just don't want to see her fail. She is a lovely lady when she is stable and I don't want to see her issues cause her to.lose her job which is likely what would happen if she blows up again.[/quote]
That's not your problem. If your manager is willing to support and help her that's fine.

Do you seriously think it's ok for your coworkers to walk on eggshells,be exploded at, being interrogated,having to justify their every meeting and call?

Do you not see how ridiculous it all is?

She's not the victim here,everyone else is.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 22:18

@goldielockdown2 that is how I would deal with it if it was a man so I guess I shouldn't be different because its a lady. I am just worried that if I front up she will accuse me of bullying.

Gah this is like being back at high school ... I hated the chappy game playing there too.

OP posts:
Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 22:21

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble of course I do. Which is exactly why I raised it with our manager last week and presumably why another person has also raised it.

But if her post natal issues are not fully resolved then she isn't being a bitch she is ill and I genuinely don't want to make that worse for her

OP posts:
DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 16/11/2020 22:25

I am just worried that if I front up she will accuse me of bullying.

And this is why it's your managers problem. MH issues are awful but they are HER problems. By all means be welcoming of workplace adjustments to accommodate her issues but her issues should not be impacting everyone else.

Go to your manager. Let your manager manage her. That's their job.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 22:26

[quote Tinyhumansurvivalist]@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble of course I do. Which is exactly why I raised it with our manager last week and presumably why another person has also raised it.

But if her post natal issues are not fully resolved then she isn't being a bitch she is ill and I genuinely don't want to make that worse for her[/quote]
Pussyfooting around her won't help though. At the moment you're enabling her . If she's still struggling she need help,to see her GP,maybe therapy,maybe meds,maybe time off. I don't know.

But if it is her mental health that's her issue here,she won't seek the help she needs because she can pretend all is fine and you're all the ones with the problem . No one will take her straight that she's crossing boundaries and her behaviour is unprofessional and unacceptable.

Talk to your manager, tell them what is going on and that things are escalating again. It's their problem how they manage it.

parietal · 16/11/2020 22:27

if she is ill, she needs time off to recover. do talk to the manager.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 22:35

I will call my manager on the way to work tomorrow.

It just all seems like playground politics and its making life very uncomfortable. We are in a lull this week from my client's peak this week (thank god) so I was looking forward to a being able to be a bit more chilled and catch up with some of the more dull task...SOP writing sucks. I have a job in our warehouse that I've been.putting off because it means going through old paperwork and getting caked in crap...I was saving it for post Xmas when things die for a few weeks but I might make a start tomorrow.just to avoid being in the office!

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 22:41

It feels like playground politics because you are afraid of her.

LaurenTom · 16/11/2020 22:47

Are u her line manager? If not how do you know about her medical diagnosis?

LaurenTom · 16/11/2020 22:52

Why were you asked by your manager "to keep an eye on the situation?"

Sparklesocks · 16/11/2020 22:58

Has Jane been open about her MH issues then? Otherwise how is it common knowledge? And how do you know someone else reported her? Sorry for all the questions it just feels like you know a lot of info which only her manager should be privy to. And your manager shouldn’t be asking you to keep an eye on her, that’s not something they should be delegating.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 23:07

@Sparklesocks yes she has discussed it at work. And in conversation someone else mentioned that they had also spoken to our manager regarding their concerns.

My manager has been wfh since the first lockdown, she isn't in the office unless there is an urgent need so she isn't there to monitor thing daily, she asked me to contact her should things appear to be escalating which I have done.

OP posts:
LaurenTom · 16/11/2020 23:12

That's not your job to"monitor" her- you're not her line manger. You seem to know a bit much I doubt Jane is sitting in the tearoom telling everyone that she's had PND

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 23:19

We don't have a tearoom...she has discussed it quite openly amongst the team. It is not a state secret, why would it be?

For a poster who has only been active since last week you seems particularly goady@LaurenTom

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 23:23

Some people (albeit none that I know with PND) do make their mental health issues very well known and then expect the others around them to manage them, even going as far as designating a "safe"/keyworker person.(that's a particularly extreme instance)
"You know I have mental health issues ,you have to do x,y and z."

No I don't and I definitely won't cover up for you.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 23:34

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble aside from myself I only know a couple of people who have suffered with it and they have always been very open with me over it, maybe because I had a mild case so could understand a bit of what they felt maybe? Admittedly there may be many more who have never felt they wanted to discuss it.

I guess that is part of the issue, that there is such a stigma applied to it

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 23:42

I meant that the people that the people that have acted that way, making other people responsible for managing their condition, did not have PND.

So while I have no experience with people freely talking about PND ,I do have some about people with other mental health issues . Only 2 took it to the extreme I talked about though, and it reminds me of your colleague.

My sympathy is limited,but I'm obviously very biased due to the positions I've been put in at work. No one gave a shit about my mental health or how that was affected.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/11/2020 23:50

Ah i see, yes I have seen that in previous places, worse when there is more than 1 though and you get the competition over whose is worse.

I do feel for anyone with mh issues, so many work places are so unforgiving and lacking in compassion for it. The attitude of suck it up smile is slowly changing but not fast enough

OP posts:
ktp100 · 17/11/2020 00:05

I'd flag it with your manager, especially as you've already been asked to report back so lines of communication are already open on the topic, purely to head off any complaints she may be dreaming up about your behaviour.

I'd get it in writing then just refuse to put up with her bullshit. I would challenge the eye rolling and general fuckery straight on, in front of others, making it clear that your priority is working, not chatting.

She sounds awfully paranoid and obviously that's not nice for her but it's no excuse for making her colleagues feel uncomfortable.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 17/11/2020 02:06

These comments are awful. People making their illness someone else's responsibility so therefore anyone with pnd must be tarred with the same brush.

The woman sounds really unwell, paranoia and anger can be signs of depression,she's been open about it but perhaps really doesn't see there is a problem.

I love that the 'be kind' brigade only applies to socially acceptable mental health behaviours. Just quietly weeping pnd only eh?
Here's a wakeup for you all then, sometimes mental health is awful and angry.

From a practical point of view your manager needs to organise this situation and suggest they get help. I agree it's not your responsibility but remember this person is unwell.