How to limit Xbox for 16 yo?

[tactum]

DS is obsessed. In Y12 and currently everything gets pushed to the edges to make way for Xbox. Homework suffering. I know I need to step up and sort it out and have been to lax in the past. So what to do?

1. Limit it to say 2 hrs a night - but he would argue every minute here n there
2. Say no Xbox after 8? He would then do nothing but that til 8 n then probably be too spaced out to work.

His school v much foster independence and self motivation - which he doesn't have. I know some parents check their kids homework and stand over them but I'm not doing that because he should be able to do it. Feel like we're in a bit of a mess and constantly at loggerheads as he tries to squeeze every available moment on it to the detriment of everything else.

Am also going to approach school to ask for him to be assigned a mentor to have a weekly catch up with him and put him on an early warning system for homework

Any ideas gratefully received. I just can't bear getting into endless monitoring of what he's doing when - he does his work in his bedroom so even if I take his controller off him he could still sit there on his phone not giving a shit. Ugh

Honestly? Unless he gets on board it's far too late - the habit of homework done to best ability then console has to start in year 7. If he doesn't want to do do his school work at 16 you can't make him. You can of course remove the Xbox entirely, switch off WiFi so he ha to use his data but neither will get his head stuck into homework.

So, he'll have to learn the hard way. Watching his friends go to uni or jobs while he fails and has to resit.

Following, feel your pain, lockdown didn’t help, having their GCSE’s stopped meant nothing to work to, am glad DS is back at school but he’s doing minimal homework, have already told him if his effort & attitude to learning scores are down we will be taking action.

You are way to late to start this lesson...It should have started around age 7

In my defence, since some of you feel I've failed him for years......

This is the kid who voluntarily sold his Xbox at the start of Y11 as he knew he had to focus. Was an absolute delight for 5 months. Then guess what happened......

Bought another one 2 days prior to lockdown, GCSEs cancelled, no goals or motivation and he hasn't been able to pull it back. Maybe I should've explained that in my op but I just wanted to clarify its not like I haven't given a toss for the last 16 yes and have suddenly realised it needs to change. He's really struggled in lockdown.

You are not alone with this problem and lockdown made it worse for many. Not an expert but maybe try to help him with his motivation and with how he deals with the xbox temptation and how he uses his time.

Try to encourage him to focus on what he wants to do after school and how he gets there and the importance of grades. If it's Uni maybe having a specific course in mind. Goals are important.
Ask him to decide how his evening should be spent. How much time he needs to study to get those grades to reach his goal. (Encourage him to be realistic). How much leisure/xbox time.
Help him to police ttimetable. Monitor him closely at first. Maybe try one of those electronic cookie jars to put his xbox controller and his phone away for a set amount of time while he studies.

I would also check if he is struggling with any of his subjects. He might be avoiding homework for this reason and need more help from the school or a tutor. I also think your suggestion of a mentor is good.

Good luck

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Sorry, not helpful but it’s a difficult one. I have the same problem. As you say lockdown has made it worse.

Ds2 is younger but has a homework/revision/extension of knowledge time slot. So no computer access until after this time slot. He is year 10 so has to spend the slot doing something school work related. ie watching videos on English lit poetry or science practicals. This is because he doesn't get homework every night but I think habit and structure to his evening help.

Only then can he access tech. If you feel your son needs to be monitored then he stays and works downstairs where you can see him to do his work if this is possible.

Year 12 is a tricky year because A levels are harder than GCSEs and if he lets his homework/knowledge slide now then this will have a knock on effect and his grades will be affected.

Lockdown has been difficult for a lot of children to get back into the habit of school.

I feel your pain. I also have a year 12 DS who loves gaming. He's getting the basics of his homework done, but after that all his attention goes on the new Valhalla game.

I don't have any helpful suggestions but I make sure that he switches the computer off at 10pm every night so that his sleep doesn't get messed up. I also talk to him about school, homework, topics, tests etc so that I have an idea of what's going on.

I think that not having had the "peril" of doing GCSEs means that although DS knows he's supposed to be working harder, he just thinks he'll cruise through and it will all be fine. I really hope he's right, but I expect that a shock result in a mock exam might be required to shoot a rocket up him!