Family childcare issue?

[Aibuabouteverything]

I know the solution to this is to use alternative more reliable childcare but I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here or not.

Family member does childcare for me 2 days a week, they pushed for it as I had DD in nursery prior to covid and was planning on sending her back once I was allowed back to work in Sept but family member said they were more than happy to do childcare and for a reduced cost. I agreed as 1. Nursery costs were eating a huge chunk of my wage and 2. I was still worried about covid.
I work 2 days in an office and 2 days from home now, but there are not many people going into the office and they've drawn up a rota so that a manager is always in when a staff member is in so on certain days a manager might be going in even if they dont want to because a staff member wants to go in.

Twice now on days I'm due in the office my family member has let me down by telling me late on Sunday night they can't look after DD and I then have to contact my manager to tell them and they have to rearrange things if necessary. I won't go into detail but family member has let me down because of needing to drive people to appointments which I understand is necessary sometimes but the lack of telling me until last minute is annoying!?
I think because my work is so flexible they just assume it's no problem, but I find it embarrassing having to keep telling my manager last minute and then it's an extra day I have to work from home around my DD. She's 1yo and it's near impossible to work a 7.5 hour day on a computer while looking after her.
AIBU to be annoyed?

YANBU

However, have you actually voiced this to your family member that they shouldn't leave it until last minute to warn you - especially if any of these are appointments they have known about for a while?

Maybe you can sit down and look at diaries and confirm if there are other dates in coming months/weeks that won't work so you'll have to change your office days for those weeks. You can then agree this in advance with work.

YANBU see if you can find a childminder for your children rather than use a nursery again as there are less children in the setting so less of a risk.

Yes, I would be annoyed and I think that you are right to have to have a chat about it.

YANBU. I'd look for official childcare again because I couldn't be doing with the last minute change. It would cause me stress and I'd rather just pay for childcare again and know what was going on.

They are being paid by you for this yet are still dropping you last minute? Put her back into formal childcare. Yes, the cost is crippling, but you need reliability.

I think being annoyed is up to you. It depends whether there was the possibility of giving you more notice, and it depends on how able the person being driven is to get themselves to an appointment (as well as how urgent those appointments are). But it’s clearly not working out.

Your family member is being absurd. It sounds like you pay them for this service so they need to be reliable or you find someone else.

Subsidising someone's pension to the detriment of your own job is crazy.

Just be honest with them.

I would contact the nursery to get a place asap. This family member sees you a pushover.

You can try explaining the issue but in my experience that mentality is impossible to change. They will have compartmentalised looking after your child as a favour, something that is not essential and can be cancelled for other priorities. It's really difficult to get them to see it differently.

I was repeatedly let down by my mother, often with zero notice (in fact I'd be ringing her to find out where she was because she was late, only to be told she had to take her car to the garage). She just couldn't see why letting me down was anything more than a slight change of plans.

So yes, nursery... it's the only solution.

YANBU...and of you have been paying this family member for the missed time you are being a mug and they are taking the piss

Not worth risking your job by YOU appearing undeliverable because family member is unreliable. I agree that step 1 is a clear conversation where you say that this isn't OK, is making you look really bad at work, and can't happen again unless for a real emergency. Ask family member to think about it for a few days and tell her that if that doesn't work for her, you'll have to find alternative childcare. No need to be mean or rude, but some people genuinely don't understand how bad a look this is for you at work.

Unreliable, not undeliverable!

Yep l would be annoyed. If this family member always so flakey and selfish? I would drop them like a stone once l had made other arrangements. They must know doing work isn’t optional for you or them once committed to it

Yanbu as you had an arrangement abd are paying but to resolve this you need to talk to your family member and explain. If they have to many other commitments and can only do it flexibly you will have to put DD back in nursery.

I would look elsewhere for childcare. I look after a Grandchild and have done so for 7 years, now it I afternoon school pick up a few hours care.I regard it as my job, I’m not paid and refused any money as I enjoy the time we have together
My activities and appointments are fitted around the pick up. The few holidays we go on are booked months in advance and I have only had to cancel a few times.
People shouldn’t make a commitment if they can’t stick to it

YANBU but are a good example of why depending on family members for childcare is fraught with problems. Would you relative cancel if they were being employed by a company? I suspect not. We relocated for ‘easy and cheap’ childcare......and it’s been anything but and we are looking to reemploy a nanny.

@PizzaForOne We havent had a discussion about these 2 occasions where I've been let down but prior to making this arrangement we sat down and discussed the fact that any days she cannot have DD then she obviously needs to tell me, both of these appointments had been made in advance and she would have known and could have told me sooner than the night before.

Of course I understand sometimes emergencies happen or of course she may be ill and couldn't have DD and I'd need to make other arrangements and that's fair enough.
There's only so many times my employer will say don't worry that's fine and I dont want to look like I'm taking the piss either.