To ask what's your rules

[BumblePan]

I am working from home and our family routines have fallen away.
Please dont flame me, but I have relied too much on electronics to entertain the kids whilst I hold onto my job. It's starting to impact their behaviour and I need to put clear house rules in place for
ages 14, 10 and 8.
I would love to know what works in your household. I know it will take some time to settle into the new routine and rules, but it will give me inspiration knowing that it works for other people.
I asked my friend and she was shocked that my kids have so much screen time so I feel terrible.

No suggestions about rules but your friend can get bent. My kids screen time has gone through the roof because I've needed to work. I mean, I could've done lots if lovely crafting and nature hikes with them all day long but then I couldn't pay the mortgage.

You're in lockdown and you have to work. WTF are you supposed to do? Bake cookies with them for 12 hours a day?

Tell her to go take a long walk off a short pier.

ignore your friend . Do what you need to do to get through the day

Your responses have given me a well needed laugh.
I am trying my best but like most people, I didn't expect this to go on so long, so I let things slide whilst thinking this would be a short term measure. The kids have become moody and i know it's due to electronics. They are in school thankfully, but we really need a set of rules at home.

@BumblePan

Your responses have given me a well needed laugh. I am trying my best but like most people, I didn't expect this to go on so long, so I let things slide whilst thinking this would be a short term measure. The kids have become moody and i know it's due to electronics. They are in school thankfully, but we really need a set of rules at home.

I would say rules but routine?

Come in from school XXX
Then YYY
Dinner at XXX
Then XXX or YYY or ZZZ
Bedtime etc

and the same for the morning. We used to have no technology until dressed, showered, breakfasted and sitting at the table ready to go to school.

We are in the same situation I have a 9 year old and a just 12 month old. My 9 year old has had wayyy to much screen time over lockdown as my 12 month old was incredibly difficult and my partner works away.

I decided after October half term to get a grip on it and his mood has improved massively, we can actually have a conversation with him now that isn't about his Xbox. It's hard to break the cycle but definitely worth it.

Far more than I’d have liked here too, but we all just have to get though.
11 yo - manages her own time really well. Needs to use it for homework, also loves audio books and well as various games on her phone/ iPad. She also reads (books or kindle), bakes a lot, plays with pets.
8 yo - different story. Lots of iPad use, but not until dressed and ready for school. When he gets home he goes on it. He watches Netflix or plays basic games - could do these on a bigger screen but prefers the iPad. Just not great at playing with anything else at the moment - unless someone plays with him.
His behaviour is very affected by PlayStation (massive screen) so this is limited to weekends!

I agree both that the friend's reaction isn't helping, and that it helps if it's in a routine. It's how so many routines have fallen apart repeatedly over this lockdown that's been a problem for me and many I know.

With mine, they get an hour of games either after they finish homework/revision. Their school recommends an hour of work outside of school and we've been trying to work out whether an hour afterschool then an hour of games work best or to split it between morning and afternoon. On holidays/weekends without, they get their hour when their father gets up in the afternoon after they've tidied up (some times the latter slips and I have to start checking it's done first, but more often they handle that fine).

When not at school, they can also pick 1 show to watch once everyone is down (and after lessons/work sent home when that's been involved).

Those that are secondary age also get an hour on their phones. My 16 year old can also have laptop time for things, but that's new and we're still working on balancing out his tech projects with other activities.

Adding in more tends to be more helpful than just taking away - part of the issues with limiting screen time especially for my 16 year old is the lack of other options. My 13-year-old got a mini music player so she can dance or play with it in her room without being on a screen, but it isn't always so easy. When our routines fall apart, I try to go back to looking at different areas: social, physical, mental, academic responsibilities, home responsibilities, personal interests & projects & find ways to include them all. Some of those will heavily involve screens at this time, but thinking through them I find helps us come up with where tech is best suiting our needs and where others might be better so at least being intentional with it rather than just falling into the easy shiny box trap that has happened a more than a little this year.

Your pal is a bellend - you can't do everything.
My DD is spending a stack of time on screens.
I actually think it's beneficial for her to stay in touch with her friends.

My DD is an only child and with not being able to see friends outside of school now her use of tech has significantly increased because she is bored of her own company (before lockdown she was happy to amuse herself tech free but never for months at a time) and there are only so many books to read and homework to do, especially after 7 months of exhausting all the usual options.

Before lockdown I used to limit DDs tech time by saying she could only have it once she had completed other tasks.

On school days she only watches TV before school if she has time left after getting up, making her bed, having breakfast, washed/teeth brushed, getting dressed and having everything ready to go by the door.

After school she has a snack, does her homework, sorts her things for the following day (bag packed by the door, any extra curricular supplies sorted and ready etc) and then if there is time before dinner she could have tech. After dinner we always watch TV anyway so she can choose TV or tech time until shower/reading/bedtime.

At weekends/holidays I usually employ a system where DD gets an hour of tech time as her "basic allowance" but she can only do it when she has completed a checklist of other stuff. Since lockdown I have tried to keep the same structure but the base allowance has been upped to account for the fact that there is no option for going out with friends/family currently.

Hers is - get up and make bed; make sure bedroom is tidy; have had breakfast; washed and dressed; homework finished, if she didnt complete it Friday night; an active activity at least planned for some point that day (so it used to be that she would arrange to walk to town or the park with some friends later that day or go swimming with her cousins but now it's more that we might go for a walk together or she does a YT video, maybe a kids yoga or dance tutorial video) and two chores from the chore jar ( I have a jar with cards with various household jobs that are age appropriate for DD, she chooses two of them to complete that day)

If she wants more tech time beyond that hour then there are opportunities for her to earn extra time - doing extra chores, helping with big home projects, doing something I want to encourage (eg theres a list of classic books she is working through, every time she completes one she earns extra tech time) - so she knows she will always have tech time but how much is directly correlated to her actions.

Seriously if your wfh with kids at home then you do what you can to cope. I worked from home with a toddler off nursery in the first lock down and I relie on screen time as literally how else can I be on the phone to patients (I'm nhs) with a 3 year old running around. It won't be forever, don't beat yourself up. Maybe once you've done your work for the day/morning etc then take the screens away, is that a compromise? Xx