Hi everyone,
I am in need of some advice because right now I am feeling rather rubbish!
Up until last week I had been dating a man since June. We started talking in June and then finally met up for a date in August. I had come out of a long term relationship in March when my ex boyfriend had cheated on me. This absolutely shattered my confidence but I was adamant that I was not going to stay with someone who didn’t respect me. The man who I was dating had come out of a 10 year relationship in August the previous year with a women who he had two children with.
When he reached out to me we took things slow, chatting daily to get to know each other. In August we went on a first date and we bounced off each other. I’d say it was the best first date I’d been on we spent the whole night laughing. We continued to date and when we were together it was just like we were in relationship - we were affectionate, comfortable and we had made each other laugh uncontrollably. But the messaging in between seeing each other seemed to become less and less.
We kept dating private out of respect for his children and because we both didn’t want to rush things. His ex has openly admitted that he is the love of her life and because he hasn’t got back with her she has turned nasty. I really feel for this lady as I do believe she does still love him and just wants to be back with him but I know and am 100 percent certain that he doesn’t want to be with her. Over the past few months she has stopped him seeing the children or reduced his time spent with them, she has told him that his children hate him, wish his was dead and don’t love him. She has spread malicious lies and publicly tried to humiliate him over social media and even turning up at his house at midnight and other ridiculous times in the morning demanding one of the children’s jackets that they had left at his house. She messages him constantly calling him names and I know all of these things are effecting his mental health. I believe that her love and hurt that she has for him ending things is coming out as anger and she is finding it very difficult to move on.
Because of this and because we were both newly out of relationships we have taken things slow. However now it has got to the stage where I feel like I want more and need to know where we are both at. I asked him last week where he saw us going and his reply was that he loved me and wants to give me the world that he knows I deserve but he is holding back because of his ex as he doesn’t want to lose his children and doesn’t want to bring any trouble to my door from her.
As you can imagine I completely understood but I was shattered. I told him that I understood and respected his decision but that we should leave things so we both know where we stand. I’m honestly gutted as I really like this man.
Some people have said I’ve been too hasty but I really feel like I couldn’t keep waiting for something which might not happen. What are your thoughts have I rushed things?