Birthday doom and gloom, not happy with parents

[Closingtime94]

Hi all,

I think I am being unreasonable but I can't really moan to anyone else but I'm just pissed off - it was my cousins birthday earlier this year and my parents got her a Pandora Bracelet, 3 or 4 charms and a personalised card which cost £7.50- for my birthday they've given me a card with a dog on most likely from Tesco's ( I like cats ) and a £10 note - I'm not trying to be ungrateful or act like a child but I'm a bit annoyed as I'm their daughter! Given I am a little bit older than my cousin but my aunty has never done anything like that for me my mum favours my cousins over me which is clear as this year both my cousin and I passed our exams, cousin got into university and my mum posted a status on Facebook how proud she was etc I got a 2:1 in my first year of uni and absolute silence, cousin passed her theory test another show on Facebook from my mum but nothing when I passed my driving test - I know I'm just being a jealous ungrateful cow but my mum and I have a bad relationship (she was quite abusive and neglectful when I was younger) but everytime something like this happens it just reminds me about it, and I know it's just a card and some money and it's not a big deal but I don't know, just feels a bit shit - oh well happy birthday to me, let's crack that wine open (just kidding I'm pregnant)

Thanks for listening to my rant - I'm gonna save the tenner for some wine for when I'm not pregnant

Also just wanted to add I'm not saying I wanted anything as expensive as a pandora bracelet - I've been talking about how much I'm loving baths so some bath bombs and a nice fluffy towel or bath robe would have been lovely - I don't know it just seems really impersonal getting a £10 note from your mum and dad

If your cousin has recently passed her exams, does that mean tbis was her 18th birthday? Most people would make more of a fuss for that.

@Nootkah

If your cousin has recently passed her exams, does that mean tbis was her 18th birthday? Most people would make more of a fuss for that.

It was her 19th birthday, I think she changed course, I'm not too sure - not that it matters really I think I'm more annoyed about how impersonal it feels - maybe it's just pregnancy hormones.

You're right. I'd feel the same as you, but you know your mums abusive so you need to rise above it. Theres no point dwelling on it, you're just hurting yourself more. Delete or silence her on Facebook and put up your guard a bit when it comes to her.

It is shit. I think most people would feel the way you do. I think you need to distance yourself emotionally from them though, the fact she was neglectful and abusive yet you still want her to show her she loves you even after how she has treated you and she still has the capacity to hurt you, shows how messed up your thinking is about it all (I mean that kindly, as it's not uncommon and not surprising). Have you had any therapy to try and come to terms with your upbringing and your relationship with them?

Happy birthday, OP! Try not to dwell on it; let your present to yourself be feeling good. Order a nice new dressing gown to feel especially cosy in after the baby's born.

You say your mum is abusive. Is the blatant show of apparently favouring your cousin over you a way to hurt you deliberately maybe? I mean rather than because she actually likes your cousin all that much.

Whatever your mum’s reason I actually do understand you feeling put out. I’d make an effort to put some distance between you and your mum for your own sake.

How old are you compared to your cousin?

I think that’s rubbish treatment by your mum. I’m not surprised you feel hurt.

Have you asked them about this? I’d find it hard to take if my cousin got a pandora bracelet, charms etc and I got a tenner from my parents.

How utterly cruel OP.. just remember how they treated you when their Birthdays etc come round.. don't be a fool and splash out on those who treat you so badly 🌺

Go low to no contact. It doesn't seem as though she's willing to put the effort in to make up for the past

Cheer up. Pandora bracelets are terribly tacky. I'd sooner have the tenner!

I had this a lot in my family every one got decent stuff I got crap for birthdays.

It’s horrible and I agree you should distance yourself from her posts. Or You could always put a gushing post on Facebook about someone else who got you a wonderful present

Happy birthday Op

It’s horrible, however you also know what you mum is like. Personally I would be going LC with her, I certainly wouldnt want a child exposed to it.

I would also consider telling her how much she has hurt you and why it’s time to go LC

I think your life would be a lot happier without your mother in it. I would also be concerned as to how she will treat your child of she has any contact with her/him.

You says she’s been abusive in the past and it seems to me that this is just another way she has a hold on you.

Mute her on social media’s and go low contact, spend the tenner on something lovely.

That sounds really hurtful. Sorry OP It’s an almost deliberate show of favouritism. As if designed to let you know you are not her priority.

If you were my kid I’d be praising you from the roof tops. Sorry to be sentimental. No one should feel like this.

I would treat yourself. Your mum is deliberateky not celebrating your achievements. Mine is the same. I get bubble bath that she hands me and says 'oh that's probably going to make you itch' yet she expects presents of 100 quid.

Ignore ignore ignore. Don't rise to it.

That's horrible op , I really think you should distance yourself from them they will just make you feel shit x

She was neglectful and abusive then, and she obviously hasn't changed much. If it would change anything at all you could confront her about it. Otherwise maybe time to take a step back and think about the sort of relationship you want your child to have with their abusive and neglectful grandmother.

I’d go really low contact with them, possibly even no contact if you can.

They’re just going to drag you down and make you miserable.