To think social services will help?

[mariosleftthumb]

I am a disabled parent (ASD and mental health issues including severe OCD) and am struggling. Like really struggling. AIBU or naive to think social services would help if I contact them? Or is it more likely that they would remove my children and leave me to it?

I’m currently in social housing and the neighbours are making me more ill (one side SH, other side bought/owned). Nothing they’re doing purposefully (old concrete houses plus noise and drug smell seeping through constantly) but my sensory issues are off the chart and it’s making my mental health issues even worse. The noise is all night long because of night shifts, hard of hearing neighbours on one side, teenagers, general life noise and thin walls. There’s no rest from it. Not one room is silent because of the way the sounds carry.

We under occupy so I’ve applied to go back on the housing register to downsize to try and find somewhere the sound doesn’t come through as badly but although the housing association says people need houses our size and we’d easily downsize there’s an eight week backlog minimum for it to be processed before we can even bid. I can’t cope that long and then there’s no guarantee we won’t end up in a worse scenario for my medical issues anyway. I am not ungrateful for where we live etc it was honestly a dream come true to get a house but it doesn’t work with my medical issues.

I can’t get into details about how ill it’s making me because it’s degrading enough living it but AIBU to think social services could help us in some way? I’m struggling to manage even basic day to day life things and I need some help but don’t know where to go for help. I did speak to someone at school but it was very “there’s not much we can do to help” “make sure your children come to school”.

I feel stupid posting but I’m desperate.

I really would Get them involved voluntarily

I can't help with SS and you've been given great advice with regards to that already.

I did want to ask what you have looked into to help you with the mental health difficulties? You say about medication but do you think a trip to the GP and asking for a referral to some therapy might help? If you could afford this privately then that would be quicker, most therapists will discuss about lowering their charges if you are low income.

Otherwise do you think a medication review with GP and self help books/online resources might help at all?

It sounds really tough for you at the moment, you don't deserve to feel like this

Some great advice you’ve had here so nothing really to add other than pushing the GP or your CPN side of things. Really hope you manage a good outcome from this, it sounds like you’re having such an awful time. Best wishes

Just thought I’d come and update in case anyone is in a similar situation in the future and for the people who kindly replied.

I spoke to my GP who referred me to the local IAPT team who’ve put me on a long (months to a year) waiting list for CBT. We did arrange on the phone that it would be a different type of therapy this time round but the letter came through saying CBT again so no confidence there. GP also referred me to the social prescriber person at the doctors who took some info, suggested contacting the local autism charity group, and said she’d get back to me.

I had someone call the autism charity group for me and we were told there is no support available for adults with them beyond a social group.

I spoke to the HA support and wellbeing team who said they’d get back to me.

I spoke to school who rang around looking for different support for me. They also spoke to adult social care who just sent them back towards mental health care and they also looked into whether they needed social care involvement for dd but apparently we don’t meet any thresholds for that.

So that’s what happens when you ask for help. You don’t get any. And people with mental health problems are told to ask for it 😂😂😂

I don’t know what else people are supposed to do.

Just a hopeful bump in case anyone has any suggestions that I might not have thought of :)

I think that sounds pretty positive.

So the GP has referred for therapy and a social prescriber to contact you

Local Autism charities have offered you a social group so you can get out of the house

HA will review your needs

School referral to Child SS but you are deemed not to need there services as your children are managing.

That’s a few avenues to explore at least.

Have you looked into a house exchange? If you are over occupied and willing to downsize you might get lucky

Your children wouldn’t be removed unless they were felt to be in immediate danger (whether directly, from abuse, or indirectly, if the level of care they were receiving was so low.) It doesn’t sound like that’s the case here.

However, I do think there can be a bit of naivety on here about what social services do and why they exist. They are not a supportive and hand holding service to struggling parents. I don’t mean that to sound harsh and I don’t mean that they don’t offer support, but when they do, it is when removal is a distinct possibility and they are working with the parent(s) to try to prevent this.

The other thing is that SS are a very intrusive service to be involved with. Once they have been involved in your family you can’t retrospectively remove that: you will always have had “SS involvement” even if it was voluntary. That means you are tied to them and things like routine visits to the doctor or a and e with your children are automatically passed onto them.

This may be different in very affluent areas which are well funded with low demand but I’m not sure that exists!

That means you are tied to them and things like routine visits to the doctor or a and e with your children are automatically passed onto them.

That’s not the case, once there is no role for social work they stop getting information from other agencies. Even while the case is open, health wouldn’t share routine GP visits unless social work asked for the information - visits to A&E would only be passed if there were concerns, again if SW asked, the information would be shared but that’s no different for any individual. It’s that scaremongering nonsense that makes people fear getting the support they need.

This is why people feel they are left to rot by the mental health services. I’m so ill that I can barely manage the basics of life but a nearly year long waiting list for a different therapy than they agreed over the phone is positive? I’d say that’s the opposite of positive 😂

HA aren’t reviewing my needs. They told me over the phone the support team doesn’t get involved with moves, they can’t support me with maintaining the property and they’d get back to me this week (which they haven’t).

Social prescriber said she’d get back to me this week. She hasn’t. She also didn’t know what autism is and asked me how long I’d had it.

The autism charity social group is not what I need. How can I socialise when I can barely leave the house to get dd to school? I need help not socialisation. I’m asking for help to function and that’s what I was told this charity offered by the social prescriber. It doesn’t of course.

I’m feeling very hopeless so to be told the none existent help I’ve been offered is positive is a bit of a joke tbh.

What help do you think you need? Asking genuinely, what would make your life feel easier?

Social Care only remove children where parents are unable to keep them safe (neglect or abuse) even with significant help. You sound like you would benefit from an Early Help worker who can be accessed through Children Social Care. You can refer yourself (Google the phone number for CSC in your area), explain your difficulties. Also speak to your GP/mental health worker if you have one. It's absolutely okay to ask for help, good luck 🤗

@Jellycatspyjamas

That means you are tied to them and things like routine visits to the doctor or a and e with your children are automatically passed onto them.

That’s not the case, once there is no role for social work they stop getting information from other agencies. Even while the case is open, health wouldn’t share routine GP visits unless social work asked for the information - visits to A&E would only be passed if there were concerns, again if SW asked, the information would be shared but that’s no different for any individual. It’s that scaremongering nonsense that makes people fear getting the support they need.

I’m not trying to scaremonger at all. But once you are involved with SS, it’s very difficult to then remove yourself from that involvement.

If you had a routine visit to a GP about a viral infection or an ear infection then absolutely it wouldn’t be passed on. However something like your child having a broken arm or you having depression would. There are good reasons for this but it can still be intrusive and distressing.

I don’t think SS are the first port of call for support. HVs would seem more likely to me.

If you had a routine visit to a GP about a viral infection or an ear infection then absolutely it wouldn’t be passed on. However something like your child having a broken arm or you having depression would. There are good reasons for this but it can still be intrusive and distressing.

You said routine visits would be passed on, which you rightly now say isn’t the case. If a child protection case was open then yes an A&E visit for a broken bone would be, and possibly depression if there were concerns that it would affect parenting, but many folk have depression and parent perfectly well. The OP isn’t asking for a referral to child protection, she’s asking for adult services so unless there were significant concerns for her children the case would be dealt with through community care (or whichever dept deals with community care).

I’m a social worker, I know full well how much information is shared and in what circumstances - and just how intrusive that can feel - but in the circumstances the OP describes there would be limited need to liaise with health.

The OP is ... asking for adult services

Yes, fair point. I just worry sometimes people are very hasty to insist that SS will offer support and see them as a fluffy hand holding service when this isn’t really why they exist IME.

It sounds as though the early help team may be able to support you rather than social services.

I would suggest speaking to your child's school (or HV if pre school age) regarding your struggles and ask about an EHA.

Doesn't sound like an easy situation

I would agree with a pp who says that it it adult SW services you need. It is you who is struggling with your current situation, you don't appear to be struggling to care for your children. You could call your LA and ask to speak to their health and social care team. They may be able to signpost you to supports even if they cannot help you directly themselves.

Could you do some soundproofing in your flat? At least in one room?

Have you complained to the Noise team at your Council? Usually they’re part of Environmental Health.