Sending condolences

[NotMyCircusNotMyProblem]

Maybe not an AIBU, more a what would you do...
Bit of background info - in my younger days I was very good friends with a couple of sisters. We went to gigs, clubs and pubs together also went on holidays. Over the years we lost touch, had our own lives to live but found and friended each other on fb. They both emigrated to NZ. Didn't have much contact on fb but occasionally liked posts and wished happy birthday.

It would appear one of the sisters has passed away. Nothing has been announced on fb and I only know because it was her birthday a couple of weeks ago and some people obviously did know because they were wishing her a happy heavenly birthday - her son also wished her happy birthday and said he wished she was there.

Normally, I would of course message and send my heart felt condolences but... it's the fact nobody has made an official announcement on fb - I'm wondering if I should just say nothing?

My brother passed recently and if someone messaged me, I would be comforted by their concern but, not sure in this instance. Would I be unreasonable to message her?

Depends how recently?

From what I can make out, she passed around June/July this year.

I’d just send a card - it’d be well received I’m sure. If you don’t know the address just send a kind message on Facebook. I’m sure it’d be appreciated.

Have you put her name and NZ into a search engine? This would probably link to a death notice.

@SueblueNZ

Have you put her name and NZ into a search engine? This would probably link to a death notice.

Yes, I have tried this but nothing comes up - no death certificate, nothing at all... which also makes me question whether or not to contact her - what if I've got this totally wrong and she hasn't passed... although some of the birthday messages say otherwise?

OP don't send a card until you've spoken to the other sister. You could contact her to ask how she is.
I'd be terrified of offering condolences without knowing the circumstances.

If they haven't made an announcement it is obviously because they don't want condolences. I would just leave things until someone puts up something official.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

If they haven't made an announcement it is obviously because they don't want condolences. I would just leave things until someone puts up something official.

Well this is what I was thinking too but, scrolling through all the happy birthday post, many people seem to be aware and acknowledge her passing (heavenly happy birthday, heaven has gained an angel, taken too soon statements). Equally, many people don't appear to be aware and have asked if she had a good day. Not sure what to make of it.