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AIBU?

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Original poster

8 months olds first Xmas

13 replies

Nemo57 · 14/11/2020 17:22

Me and my partner both work in healthcare so have to work over Bank Holidays. We both do long days. I have found out work have given me Christmas day off as its 8 month old DCs first Christmas and I told my partner this but I am working boxing day. He has now said he has requested to work christmas so he can have his daughter from previous relationship on boxing day. I understand of course he wants to see her but I don't understand why she cannot come round for a few hours christmas day and then the next day he's off again. As a result me and DC will be spending his first Christmas alone. My family do not live in England so I cannot see them, his family are mostly isolating and very strict r.e. Covid and rightly so. Is there any way around this that would work for all involved. I feel like there will not be a time for all 4 of us to celebrate it together and I am disheartened at the thought of spending it alone with DC.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/11/2020 17:28

Well surely because the mum of your partners daughter doesn’t want to lose some of her Xmas day to ferrying when child to yours when she’s there on Boxing Day . This seems like a breakdown in communication, you need to talk ahead of time about what day he has his daughter at Xmas and request the same days off from work.
Your 8 month old really won’t notice

mam0918 · 15/11/2020 15:03

I absoloutly wouldnt accept that... he has basically choosen his other child over you and your child and thats NOT acceptible, it would actually throw our whole relationship into issue.

Its also not fair to take away their xmas from the other mother and child too so your idea isnt a fair soloution either.

It's his job to fix it and make it equal and fair for both children - maybe he could be on call on xmas night that way he spends xmas day with you and DC for this important milestone and still gets boxing day with his Dsd (who shouldnt have her routine/time tore up).

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2020 15:04

You should work Christmas Day and then all spend Boxing Day together. Your 8-month-old has no idea it's Christmas, let alone what specific day it is.

katy1213 · 15/11/2020 15:08

Christmas is not a milestone for an 8 month old baby!

mam0918 · 15/11/2020 15:31

@katy1213

Christmas is not a milestone for an 8 month old baby!
it is for most parents especially first time mams.
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 15/11/2020 16:05

I'd prioritise an older child over a baby at xmas. If you take turns with working xmas day at your workplaces I think it's worth trying to 'save' the joint ones til your baby is older and might have a clue what's going on. Even when they are a bit older (say 2-4) you can still celebrate Christmas day on a different day. Just my opinion but with a young baby and routines of naps etc and with them not understanding anything, christmas day did feel like just any other day

Goldencurtain · 15/11/2020 16:06

@mam0918

I absoloutly wouldnt accept that... he has basically choosen his other child over you and your child and thats NOT acceptible, it would actually throw our whole relationship into issue.

Its also not fair to take away their xmas from the other mother and child too so your idea isnt a fair soloution either.

It's his job to fix it and make it equal and fair for both children - maybe he could be on call on xmas night that way he spends xmas day with you and DC for this important milestone and still gets boxing day with his Dsd (who shouldnt have her routine/time tore up).

The 8 month old isn't going to remember, his older kid will. He's got exactly the right priorities.
TicTacTwo · 15/11/2020 16:46

Your baby is young enough that you can celebrate as a family of 3 on a day that's not the 25th.

Have you thought about working Xmas day this year to match your partner then save Xmas Day when he's 2/3 and is properly excited?

vanillandhoney · 15/11/2020 16:55

I think he's right to prioritise his older child who presumably has an awareness of Christmas and what's going on. An 8mo won't have a clue what all the fuss is about.

I understand it's special to you as it's your DC's first Christmas, though.

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/11/2020 12:12

See if you can swap with someone else and have Boxing Day off instead. You can all be together, and it's a favour that can be banked for the future.

Calmandmeasured1 · 16/11/2020 12:16

I'd ask if I could work Christmas day and have Boxing Day off instead so that all 4 of you are together on 26th.

Lionoflove1 · 16/11/2020 12:19

My family of adults have all moved Christmas Day to the 26th for my sister who works in healthcare. Can you work Christmas Day and have Christmas Day as Christmas Eve and Boxing Day as Christmas Day? This is what we do whenever she has to work.

BashfulClam · 16/11/2020 12:29

Just move the day as the baby won’t know any different?

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