to not want my family to keep spending money on my kids?????

[glaskham]

long story....sorry to anyone who falls asleep...

i am the oldest of 3 girls, first to have kids and have 2 both under 3yrs, my two sisters are 17 and 19yrs and both working....

every few weeks (normally at the end of the pay month for me) one of my family or more will want a shopping trip and i've spent any spare money on X, Y or Z for the kids.....i say i'm skint and always get talked round by them saying we dotn mind treating you and the kids to lunch....wont let you spend any money etc....and to be honest its nice to get out of the house with someone to help with pram pushing or toddler chasing!!

anyway a few weeks ago my sister was feeling flush with a bonus from work and decided to go shopping for xmas gifts for the kids, she wanted to let my son choose so she knew he'd like it. so we went and she spent £15 each on a toy for them and we explained how she'd send it off to santa so he could wrap it up and then he and the elves would come on the sleigh and bring it back on xmas day....he was so exited and loved the idea....well we got home and after about half an hour said sister comes into the room with the toys and just hands them to them saying to me its ok, they didn't cost much..... am i wrong to think she's just wasted all my hard effort of not getting my ds of 2 and 9mths all exited for a new toy- he'd not asked for the toy or questioned why he wasn't getting it now....

i havent got the money to go splashing £30 on toys for the kids for nothing
, they get a small treat once a month which is normally a tiny toy like a toy car for my son from tesco at £50p, or playdough to share crayons or new colouring book etc....i dont feel they should be spoilt like she has done for nothing or they will just come to expect it!!!

not only that but my own mother is known for doing this, he'll ask for a toy and i'll say no as i dont see the reasoning behind just spending £10 or whatever on yet another toy when they have two large toy boxes full at home and thats not including the kitchen and workshop and bikes etc they have, but she will undermine me and say she'll buy it....

argh- i know they have the best of intentions but surely i have the right to be pissed off.....how do i tell them i dont like it without sounding like the megabitch that doesn't want to spoil her kids!!!

It was a bit pointless your sister building up that elaborate santa story and then just handing the goods over, but aside from that, I would graciously accept all gifts and help with the kids.

Could you perhaps ask them to put money into a savings account for your DCs instead of buying them toys! At least you can build a little 'nest egg' up for them and come Christmas or Birthdays, you will have the extra cash to spend on them.

well my mum does put half the money she would spend for xmas into their savings accounts, and instead of spending so much on them each month on more toys we put £10 each into their accounts a month, so they do have the 'nest egg' aswell!!! i think they feel they need to buy their love...when they dont at all, they get so exited just to see them once every 2 weeks without the gifts.....also my mum does spend an awful lot at xmas on them (£200 each) and thats why we asked her to put half into their accounts instead of spending it all on toys and clothes!!!

wow - glascam, i understand why your upset...

don't know what to say, but maybe you can hide the toys? or give the ones you don't want to a local children's ward/doctors surgery?

it's nice that the children can have nice toys, but it is undermining your authority. it might tail off when they reach 7 or 8 and they start wanting heelies/bike/trainers/laptop (mine asked for this!! i just laughed!!).

: )

i have just given a lot of the old/unused ones to the local surestart...but we still have the two toyboxes full of toys!!! the extra ones were ones i'd hidden in the top of my wardrobe earlier in the year!!!..... have just sorted even more toys to sell as they are almost new, barley touched they have so much, and as its ds's 3rd birthday in dec i wanted to clear some room for some new ones.....

for xmas we are mainly trying to buy garden toys so it just goes in the shed till its nice enough to play outside....and clothes, shoes bedding etc so that the enormous amount of toys they get off others will have some room!!!- ds already has a bike!! and wants a scooter for his birthday off mummy and daddy, so we're getting to that stage already!!! haha!!- when the laptop comes i will be just laughing, have only gone to an LCD screened pc ourselves....i'd rather stick with what we have that works than spend so much on one of them flimsy laptops!!

Um...
yabu
I used to be the younger sister/auntie, and I loved those times when i was able to just spend time with my nephews, and treat them a bit.
Now they are grown up, they are in Canada, I am in the uk, I hardly ever see them, but I still think we have a good bond, because of the time i was able to spend with them...
Soon enough your sisters will have bigger responsibilities, and won't be able to be as generous. The point i'm trying to make is that you don't know what will happen in the future, let them enjoy the attention they are getting. By all means, set down some ground rules, but chill abit!! You are very lucky - my kids rarely see their Aunts and uncles (some are in Canada, others only a few hours up the road)

trouble is purpleduck, if children regularly get expensive toys apropos of nothing it takes away all the excitement of Christmas and birthdays, and they will come to expect it.

Not quite the same thing but my FIL took to bringing round a birthday cake every week because someone they knew got them cheap. When it came to the children's actual birthday we couldn't buy them a cake because it wasn't special anymore. I stopped him bringing them after that.

Obviously it's nice for the sisters to be spending and choosing things for the children. Couldn't she buy clothes instead? A designer outfit each that you could never justify buying?

Just explain that the children are starting to expect it and you don't want to spoil christmas for them.

i did think about that....asking for clothes or something useful rather than another toy that will only get cast aside the next time they get bought one....i dont want to say anything in case it upsets them in them thinking its just the 'nice' thing to do....i do know that when i was earning money i used to take them both out once a month for a treat, be it a trip to the pictures, out swimming or a day shopping with lunch and a new top or something....i think i'd prefer that, but then i suppose they'd feel there was nothing to show physically for the money they'd spent...oh i dont know....i want to say something so that every time is happens i dont end up sitting for the whole evening chatting with dh about it and us both agreeing we need to say something but dont want to offend them!!!

taking them both out refers to my younger sisters not my kids!!- didn't explain myself properly!!

When I was single I loved splashing out on lovely clothes and toys for my nephews, cousins' children etc. I knew their parents had far more things to buy with their money than I did and it was lovely to treat everyone - I used to take my cousin's little girl shopping for dresses and we would have a whole afternoon of fun together.

YAB a bit U. Enjoy it while it lasts.

anna same as you, both sisters had lots of children before me, im the oldest, i have spent a fortune on all of them. i have loved giving them gifts and buying things they probably couldnt afford at the time, it was my decision. unexpectedly i am now reaping the benefits, lots of lovely things for my dd. not that you give to recieve but middle sister is now very well off and spoils dd.

I really enjoy spending money on my friends' children. It had never crossed my mind that their parents may be silently fuming about it. Can you quietly ask them not to be so extravagant? I'd bet they're like me and it has simply not occurred to them.

hifi - yes, I have lots of lovely memories of afternoons out with my nephews and young cousins .

We parents need to remember our younger selves and spare a thought for the childless - let's lend our own children to others selflessly for some indulgent times now and again .