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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand people who get their value and identity from their sports team

56 replies

CitizenClem · 14/11/2020 08:20

I have an extended family member whose live appears to be dominated by their sports (football) team. To the extent that their identity is completely wrapped up in the fact that they support this team.

I essentially wonder what it is they are getting out of it.

I’m not talking about simply being a football fan, but something that is almost akin to being a devoutly religious follower.

I don’t get it but I’m interested. Aibu?

If i am u, what do people gain from this?

OP posts:
BadLad · 14/11/2020 10:01

@Snowman2020

It's great, just the sense of been with friends who you meet at games, cheering the boys on and having a few pints!

I am getting married next year and a very big game clashes with my wedding, We obviously don't know know if fans can go anyway due to covid but I've had to promise half my guests that the football will be on while we have our sit down meal!

Good decision.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3588812-champions-league-ban-at-wedding

weebarra · 14/11/2020 10:02

Absolutely skippy. I started going with my dad when I was about 11. Actually from Glasgow but support a team from another town, neither of the ugly sisters!
We've followed the team all over Scotland, and even to Europe. DH and DS1 have season tickets for a different team, DD and I go with grandad.
It's just a hobby, I have no psychological void, DH and I are both well adjusted professionals.

Nothowiexpected · 14/11/2020 10:06

I think it's lovely that people get so involved with something that is harmless and makes them happy, as for it filling a void, what a load of condescending rot.

Original poster
CitizenClem · 14/11/2020 10:08

If you are passionate about anything else OP you should be able to understand but if you don’t feel particularly passionate about things, you won’t get it.

I suppose it’s the fine line between passion and fanaticism that I struggle with. Perhaps apathy is under-rated!

OP posts:
Newrumpus · 14/11/2020 10:14

If you struggle controlling your emotions it probably isn’t for you! That does suggest that you can understand it though.

toconclude · 14/11/2020 10:19

@ThousandsAreSailing

I font get it from religion or sport but, imo, the sports connection looks a lot more fun Outings, drinking, banter, highs and lows. Better than standing around in a draughty church
Someone who has never been part of an active Church community, clearly.
PandemicPalava · 14/11/2020 10:20

I just started reading Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch last night and right at the start he talks about it being an obsession. It may give you an insight into it

Whatisapension · 14/11/2020 10:37

My DP is like this, not just with the team he supports but with football in general. It dominates everything, things need to be planned around what football match is on. If I want to get something done in the house, or just go out we have to be done by whatever time the football is on. We don’t get a lot of time off together, but when we we do have a rare night off, and the football is on, his priority is to watch the match.

He doesn’t see why this is an issue because it’s football. I’ve tried to explain that it means nothing, replace it with any other hobby and I’d be just as pissed off. I have hobbies he wouldn’t ‘get’ but they don’t come before other responsibilities, and my relationships.

He doesn’t know but I’m seriously reconsidering our future (that’s how bad it is) - we don’t have dc, but I honestly think if I went into labour and his team was due to play a match, he would stay home to watch it.

nosswith · 14/11/2020 10:44

I am a man. I am a shareholder in the football club I have followed for almost 50 years. I grew up less than a mile from the club, over the years several of the players went to the church I was an altar server at (and mum still goes to). It is a part of my heritage in a way, but unlike the person or people the OP refers to, it is not my whole identity. Other people I know it is a part of the identity of where they come from (an example is a work colleague who comes from east London and is a West Ham fan).

What the OP ought to be questioning are those who follow a club that is miles from where they live, where there is no family connection to the area, simply because at some point they win or won trophies. There are not 630 million people in Manchester or with connections to the area, yet apparently that number follow the team who play at Old Trafford.

Meepmeeep · 14/11/2020 10:47

Certain teams are particularly bad for it - Rangers and Celtic specifically. I find it pathetic.

Constance1 · 14/11/2020 10:48

@Whatisapension

My DP is like this, not just with the team he supports but with football in general. It dominates everything, things need to be planned around what football match is on. If I want to get something done in the house, or just go out we have to be done by whatever time the football is on. We don’t get a lot of time off together, but when we we do have a rare night off, and the football is on, his priority is to watch the match.

He doesn’t see why this is an issue because it’s football. I’ve tried to explain that it means nothing, replace it with any other hobby and I’d be just as pissed off. I have hobbies he wouldn’t ‘get’ but they don’t come before other responsibilities, and my relationships.

He doesn’t know but I’m seriously reconsidering our future (that’s how bad it is) - we don’t have dc, but I honestly think if I went into labour and his team was due to play a match, he would stay home to watch it.

Wow this sounds awful and very extreme. I'm not surprised you are reconsidering your future with you DP. It won't just be you labour that he would potentially miss, but all kinds of things in the future: children's birthday parties, outings in general, and you would probably be left to do all/most of the child rearing at the weekends. To be honest he sounds really boring and that would be a massive turn off for me.

The posters saying that there is no void in their psyche - well there isn't as you've filled it with football 😂

torquewench · 14/11/2020 10:57

My neighbours' young son once asked what team I supported (when I lived in a city where youre either a red or a blue). I said I didnt like football and never ever watched it. He looked me up and down, clearly gobsmacked, and wandered off, shaking his head and muttering "well Ive never heard of THAT before"🤣

Original poster
CitizenClem · 14/11/2020 10:58

@nosswith that’s what I’m talking about.

OP posts:
Original poster
CitizenClem · 14/11/2020 11:26

What the OP ought to be questioning are those who follow a club that is miles from where they live, where there is no family connection to the area, simply because at some point they win or won trophies.

Just to clarify this is what I’m talking about. So in the personal case I know, it’s someone who doesn’t live near the club, doesn’t go to games, but is a Superfan of the club. They seem to spend a great deal of their time online with other such fans, who aren’t the “man and boy, worked on the stiles as a young lad” fan

OP posts:
tenlittlecygnets · 14/11/2020 11:29

Is it that hard to understand?? What do you love? Who do you belong to? What excites you?

Can you really not understand people being different to you?

Original poster
CitizenClem · 14/11/2020 11:32

Is it that hard to understand?? What do you love? Who do you belong to? What excites you?

It’s like any form of fanaticism. The history of the crusades or the 20th century shows that it clearly is a human need, but not one I share.

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 14/11/2020 11:34

Oh great, this again.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 14/11/2020 11:36

I think it's quite sad that the rest of their lives are so empty.

I get supporting a team or a band but not to the extent it interferes with real life and the lives of those around you.

I'm not interested in sport at all but I am passionate about some bands and see them when I can and collect their music. I understand the passion but not when it goes too far.

nosswith · 14/11/2020 11:37

The person OP refers to is one for whom the 'get a life' expression would have been used about ten years ago.

Meepmeeep · 14/11/2020 11:38

My best example of this is when I worked part time in a supermarket as a student. Cigarette papers, 99.9% of the time is a customer asked for them, they wanted green. They never specified, it was always fag papers. The .1% who wanted other colours always asked. Man comes in, fag papers please, pull green ones of the shelf - absolute meltdown. I’m a Rangers fan, how fucking dare you try and give me something green. I don’t touch anything that colour. This was not done in jest, he was deadly serious.

I know this was an extreme reaction, but you get people who take their team so seriously. This arsehole couldn’t have been any less Glaswegian if he tried either 🙄

amicissimma · 14/11/2020 11:42

But most people derive their value and identity from some group they are part of. For some it is a hobby, or a religion, or a political party, for many it is their job.

When I became a SAHM I was fascinated at how many people either couldn't 'identify' me without a job, or told me how dull they thought their (too often clearly meaning my ) life would be without their job. Some had really interesting jobs so I could agree, but other jobs seemed so tedious that I thought my well-filled life was far more interesting and stimulating, even if it didn't give me a 'label', for myself or others.

SimonJT · 14/11/2020 11:46

Different people like different things.

I love rugby, I have done since I discovered it in year 7, I played for school, I was scouted and became part of a local teams development squad, I went on to pay professionally and I now play semi-professionally. The club I play for was the first of its kind and we very recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. I also have a rugby tots franchise (which covid is really helping with...).

I’m still a fan of the first team I properly discovered, their players used to run guest sessions at my secondary school. Without those sessions I wouldn’t have gone on to be a rugby player.

Hobbies are great things, as are passions, apart from housework what do people do without hobbies when they’re not at work?

SweetPetrichor · 14/11/2020 11:46

I don’t think it’s any worse than people who cry trauma when their haircut goes wrong cause their hair is ‘them’...or people who won’t leave the house without slap on. I think that’s pretty depressingly void-like. Hmm

ViciousJackdaw · 14/11/2020 13:40

I don't live in the city where I was born but still have a strong accent. When I meet a new person, the first thing they usually ask me is 'Are you red or blue?'. It's almost like a religion where I come from and I often find that some people assign values to me on discovering I'm red.

Zampa · 15/11/2020 08:53

I do have some sympathy for those who support teams from a distance. For example, if, as a child, your enjoy the sport but don't have a family club or a team association, you may look around for one to support. Generally, kids aren't masochistic so will pick a successful club. In the 80s, that might have been Ipswich, now it's Manchester City.

Again, just because you don't attend every match or have a season ticket, doesn't make you any less of a fan. Premier League club tickets are ££££ and a TV subscriptions make more sense.