Hi all
Need some outside opinions on what advice I would be best giving my DB (he has requested it - calling him to chat later tonight).
Background - we as a family are from the UK but parents emigrated us to Oz years ago when I was 10 and DB 11 (we are now 25 and 26). He made the move back to the UK when he was 21 and is currently living in our home town of Manchester.
About a year ago he met a nice girl and they’ve since moved in to a flat together - she’s 21 and Manchester born and bred. Has been on contraception (pill) the entire time and no problems, until about a month ago when she started vomiting in the mornings and eventually decided to take a test and realised she was pregnant - both shocked and slightly disappointed (had big plans to save, go travelling once Covid is over, and just generally had no plans to have kids anytime soon) as it was completely unplanned.
DB and partner broke the news via a family Zoom chat with me and our parents last night - both looked visibly underwhelmed and just plain stressed tbh but this went unnoticed by parents as DM was too busy shrieking with joy.
Anyway after the call I messaged DB and said that if he ever wanted to chat to give me a call - just me and him. He replied straight away (very rare - he’s a classic DB as in shocking at keeping in contact) and said yes and we planned a time for tonight.
Have been messaging on and off since and he has so far said the following:
- He is devastated and feels like his life is over but obviously feels like he has to put on a front for the outside world
- He is trying to be strong for partner but feels completely out of his depth
- Worrying about money (he’s a landscaper and she’s a waitress whenever we’re not in lockdown) as he doesn’t know how he’s going to afford a baby
- They currently rent with no way of buying a house anytime soon
- He has no support network over there (our grandma is the only family we have left and she is getting on), immediate family all in Oz
- Has mates in UK but lifelong friends all in Oz
- Always planned to move back to Oz eventually after travelling, now feels trapped in UK forever (nothing against UK he loves it has just always planned to return eventually once he was done exploring where he’s from)
He just sounds generally depressed to be honest and it’s breaking my heart! No idea what to advise him to do in this situation - obviously he would never leave her and is going to step up and do what needs to be done. But I can’t help but worry about him being unhappy for the rest of days bless him.
Any ideas? My immediate thought is to suggest that they could work towards all moving back to Oz once baby arrives or in the next few years at least, but he has said in the past that partner is a bit of a home-bird and wouldn’t leave Manchester and her mum permanently.
Help please before my chat with him!
Thanks