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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset for being ditched by non-child friendly friend?

25 replies

noodleh63 · 17/10/2007 13:49

I just wanted to get a sense check from the Mumsnet crowd about this. I have been friends with this girl for 6 years and we have been very close, been on holiday together a couple of times etc. She does like children at all, but has been known to tolerate friend's children at a push.

She has been a bit different towards me since she found out I was pregnant. When I had my DS, DP sent an announcement text that day and I emailed her within a week (not bad considering I was in hospital for 2 nights!). She replied to my email 3 weeks after I sent it and hasn't bothered to contact me since. I saw her at a mutual friend's wedding this weekend (DS is now 8 weeks). She ignored me all night and sent me a "have a nice life" text.

What do you reckon?

OP posts:

minouminou · 17/10/2007 13:57

what's her own situation?
is she single/with a guy who doesn'twant kids?
sounds like she's hurting somehow - which isn't muh of an excuse, but if she's desperate for a child this may be the only way she can quell the pain
sorry you've been on the receiving end of this- it's a bit of a slap in the face, i should imagine

doggiesayswoof · 17/10/2007 13:58

I'd be hacked off but on reflection I think I'd prefer this option to a two-faced friend. If she hates kids that much, you wouldn't want her around your lovely ds, would you?

dmo · 17/10/2007 13:58

you have more to worry about now with your new ds
congrat by the way

Lazarou · 17/10/2007 13:59

She sounds jealous, and juvenile, and not really worth bothering with

GooseyLoosey · 17/10/2007 14:00

Perhaps she sees you changing to a different person as a result of your child and that has changed her attitude towards you. Tbh, if she doesn't want to be friends any more, I would leave her to it and enjoy the new people you will meet through your ds. I have childless friends who I see much less of now as I don't fit into their lifestyle or they into mine - you just accept and move on.

MamaG · 17/10/2007 14:00

fuck her off

NorthernLurker · 17/10/2007 14:00

I don't especially like rabbits but I haven't ditched my friend since she got herself a hutch and a pair of fluffy things! I think you should forget about this 'friend' - someone who isn't interested in a major change to your life isn't worth investing in further. Congratulations on baby by the way.

doggiesayswoof · 17/10/2007 14:01

I have a couple of friends who don't like children and I couldn't bear the false smiles and 'oh is that the time?' stuff. I'd prefer if they had been straight with me, and in the end we drifted apart anyway.

I used to be bored to tears by other people's children myself.

themoon66 · 17/10/2007 14:05

IMO, people who text or email the phrase 'have a nice life' are generally sulky, childish, jealous types.

Leave her behind and don't look back.

Congrats on the baby!

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 17/10/2007 14:22

Some friend! You're well rid of her!

SSSandy2 · 17/10/2007 14:26

If she doesn't like dc and isn't interested in hearing about them, I don't see much chance of continuing the friendship. She is the way she is and there isn't much that you can do about it. I think try to just move on with a good grace and don't let it take away the pleasure you feel in your baby if you can.

People just do move in and out of our lives at various times and she moved out now. Other people will move in. I know you must be feeling hurt but best not to dwell on it at the moment I think

CovenOVeneer · 17/10/2007 14:33

YANBU to be upset about it. Of course it is hurtlful, we all want frinds and want t o be liked, BUT someone who treats you like this isn't actually a friend. Put it behind you, enjoy spending time with your lovely ds, and meet up with some more like minded people to make new friendships.

margoandjerry · 17/10/2007 14:38

blimey, I was all set to be supportive of her because I know it can be hard for those without children (voluntarily or not) but she sounds horrible. No loss, I'd say.

DarrellRivers · 17/10/2007 14:40

Sounds like it's her loss
She's probably just jealous

witchandchips · 17/10/2007 14:42

let it go, its her loss but keep a line open (xmas cards) so that when she gets over what is screwing her up at the moment she can get back in touch with you

iwouldgoouttonight · 17/10/2007 14:45

To give another perspective, I was told my a doctor that it would be very unlikely I could conceive a baby, and for a while after that I was quite distant with friends who had babies - it was just my way with dealing with it - not nice, I know - with one close friend I didn't even visit her new baby until she was about 2 months old. In the end I did conceive and now have my DS - and I realise how hurtful I must have seemed to my friends.

So it could be her way of dealing with something like that??

I've found my group of friends has shifted slightly since having DS - I do see more of those with babies, and less of others - but a couple of my friends who really don't like babies at all still make an effort to ask about DS and do things together, and I make an effort to do non-baby things with them.

Having said all that (god, you can tell I'm in the office on my own today!!) the 'have a life' text seems out of order, so I'd concentrate on enjoying your lovely new DS and not worry about her for now.

iwouldgoouttonight · 17/10/2007 14:46

Sorry, I meant 'have a nice life', not 'have a life'!

OrmIrian · 17/10/2007 14:50

There might be many reasons for being a bit distant in the circs, but that text was very very unpleasant and childish.

I remember when my eldest was a baby, meeting a couple in Exeter one say, who had been good friends of ours before they moved away. They chatted for a while, about all the things that were going on in their lives and pointedly ignored the obvious big thing that was going on in our lives. Not so much as a look or a question. Weird. Didn't bother with them again.

fleacircus · 17/10/2007 14:51

If you want her friendship it's maybe worth following up the 'have a nice life' by asking why she's upset with you and ignored you at the wedding. If you've been close in the past it seems odd for her to suddenly be so unpleasant unless she has a different perspective on what's happened and is feeling like the injured party. Otherwise, just move on - depends how much you'll miss her really. Some friendships are worth fighting for and others better left alone.

Tortington · 17/10/2007 14:51

send text back " thanks i will - kiss my arse"

Original poster

noodleh63 · 17/10/2007 14:54

Thanks for all your messages. Just to clarify - she doesn't want kids ever. If it was because she couldn't have kids that would be very different. I think christmas cards are out really, just want a clean break now. Ho -hum, it could have rumbled on for years which would have been worse!

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 17/10/2007 14:57

Well that just makes her very odd then. And not great loss IMO.

lennygirl · 17/10/2007 15:03

Message withdrawn

Rach35 · 17/10/2007 15:21

lennygirl - what a nice thought - a new baby and a new friend to share all the exciting things with!

piggywiggy · 17/10/2007 15:41

The text sounds very childish.
Ime it's very normal to lose friends when your circumstances change and their's don't..whether that's childbirth, divorce, whatever.
Then you make new friends with similar interests. Most of the people I'm close to now are other parents whom I've met post-children.
Sometimes there's a jealousy issue - one former friend became very distant when we employed a nanny for instance and I'm sure that was a jealousy thing - and she had a pattern of similar behaviour with other couples.

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