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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To apply for a full-time job with a 2 yr old?

26 replies

SeeReverse · 13/11/2020 12:53

I currently work a part-time contract (x 3 days a week) and look after my son on Mondays and Tuesdays in the week as he doesn't qualify for the govt.nursery funded provision until he's turned 3. He currently goes to a local childminder x 2 days when I work, and my mum has him the other day.

I've seen a job I'd like to go for, but it's full-time so I'd be working 5 days a week. AIBU to feel massively guilty about potentially working full time when he's still so little? I'd only get to see him at weekends. Would it be more fair on him to keep a part-time contract until he's at nursery?

OP posts:

dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2020 12:58

There's no right answer. You do what you think is right for you.

Mine were in FT childcare from 6 months. I have no regrets, they have not suffer from it in any way.

parietal · 13/11/2020 13:09

if it is the right job for you, go for it. my were FT in nursery from 4 months and have turned out fine.

Original poster

SeeReverse · 13/11/2020 13:14

Thank-you @parietal and @dontdisturbmenow. Sometime you need to hear from others that it's ok !

OP posts:

Washimal · 13/11/2020 13:14

My Mum worked full time from when I was three months old. We couldn't be closer and it never bothered me in the slightest.
Are you sure you would only see him at weekends? Unless he sleeps in very late for a toddler and goes to bed really early (in which case tell me your secret please!!) those would be unusually long shifts for a 5 day a week job.

Washimal · 13/11/2020 13:16

Also, I work FT hours compressed over four days so I still get one day a week with DC, you could ask if something like this would be an option in the event that you're offered the job.

NatalieH2220 · 13/11/2020 13:19

My son has been in full time nursery since 11 months. I had to go back to work so it wasn't a choice, he absolutely loves it and whilst I'd have loved to spend more time at home with him, I don't think it has affected him negatively in any way.

Feminist10101 · 13/11/2020 13:20

Would a man ask this question? 🤔

EasterIssland · 13/11/2020 13:21

Wfh since he was 6m. Do I regret not seeing him more ? Sure I do. Is this the best choice for us? Yes also I do

What works or feels right for a family doesn’t have to be what feels right for any other. If working those extra days will allow you things with him that now you can’t afford it might be a good thing to do but ... you’d be missing days out with him

SleepingStandingUp · 13/11/2020 13:21

Thousands of women work full time from when their kids are 6 months, 9 months, 12 months +. As long as you have decent care in place they'll be fine. However if you're not going to be seeing them after your job, what kind of hours are you looking at and how long in nursery?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 13/11/2020 13:25

I worked full time from when DD was two months old, in a country where anything else was seen as indulgent. DD was in a nursery from 8 until 6 and I spent every evening and weekend with her. She's 23 in a few days and still lives with me so it hasn't damaged our relationship. Why wouldn't you see your child during the week?

Ihaveoflate · 13/11/2020 13:31

The choice is entirely yours, and one you should make without feelings of guilt for whatever reason.

I’m pretty sure men don’t tie themselves in knots over these decisions.

EasterIssland · 13/11/2020 13:32

@EasterIssland

Wfh since he was 6m. Do I regret not seeing him more ? Sure I do. Is this the best choice for us? Yes also I do

Sorry I meant working full time not wfh.

Original poster

SeeReverse · 13/11/2020 13:39

@Feminist10101

Good point. Of course not. It's really irritating. Only I'm burdened with guilt - not DH, who has no qualms working full time. Why is that? I don't know

OP posts:

Feminist10101 · 13/11/2020 13:41

Female conditioning in a misogynistic society.

Pumkinseed · 13/11/2020 13:47

most mums of 2 year olds I know work full time. it's completely normal. What kind of job would you do that you would only see him at the weekends? Would you work away from home during the week? I think I would draw the line there but if it's a big standard 9-5 job, you surely would have plenty of time to spend time with him.

PickleWithEverything · 13/11/2020 13:50

I went full time when DD was rising three. She was at an excellent nursery 5 days a week, long hours. I don't think overall it harmed our relationship as we have lots of fun together and spend lots of time together, but she is very mature and independent and when she is injured or unwell or unhappy or angry about something, or struggling with her school work- she prefers to soothe herself quietly and sort things out herself, and hates fuss. I guess she learned to be self-sufficient very young.

If this job opportunity is unlikely to come again, then in your shoes I'd probably grab it. However personally I would have preferred to be part time when my DD was so young. You can't get those years back, and it is absolutely exhausting with two parents working full time, commuting, running the household, doing all the chores, squeezing in visits to see family and friends... it is not a recipe for an easy life, but if you need the money and want the job, then it's probably worth it.

nervousnelly8 · 13/11/2020 13:50

You absolutely shouldn't feel guilty for considering a full time job. But if its really true that you won't get quality time except on weekends, I would be thinking hard about it. I work 4 days a week and really cherish that weekday with DS. I sometimes think about how much financially simpler things would be if I went up to 5 days (I'm the higher earner), but at the moment there's no amount of money which would tempt me enough to miss my DS day.

olderthanyouthink · 13/11/2020 13:56

@Feminist10101 DP would, he works compressed hours atm so has DD "to himself" (lockdown we're still all in the flat) one day plus the weekend together

OP could you ask to work part time? I applied for loads of PT jobs, didn't get them or they still haven't bothered to look at applications but I saw a FT role advertised and went for it and they were amenable to PT (someone else is PT and they mostly have kids). Felt awkward bringing it up but it's worked out

sapnupuas · 13/11/2020 13:58

I went back to work full-time when my son was 11 weeks old.

You don't have to work part-time to be a mum...

CovidTrialGuineaPig · 13/11/2020 14:10

If you do go FT, it's not just the childcare, it's everything else you have to juggle, so make sure your DH pulls his weight equally or you jointly pay for a cleaner etc.

Otherwise it can be a bit stressful, running around at weekends and in the evenings.

CorianderLord · 13/11/2020 14:14

My boyfriend was in full time nursery from 3 months and he's a very well balanced man. Did him no harm.

Original poster

SeeReverse · 13/11/2020 14:53

@CovidTrialGuineaPig

If you do go FT, it's not just the childcare, it's everything else you have to juggle

This is also what's worrying me a bit TBH. It's running the house, cooking dinner, tidying, putting washes on, making the beds, putting washing away, hoovering etc etc. It's a full-time job on it's own. I do all of that at the moment. I don't think DH would be able to help with that side of things in the day, he has a demanding full-time job with the NHS but that's also the bit that concerns me. And sorry - to be clear, it is a 9 - 5 job, so I guess i'd get to see him from 5pm - 7ish which is his put-down time. And in the mornings. But I do enjoy my days with him.....just me and him together. It's so hard

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 13/11/2020 16:39

Is DH on 12 hour days? Does that mean he's working fewer days? Outside of working and getting enough sleep he absolutely can help with all of that.

Daisymaze · 13/11/2020 16:44

It depends OP, there isn't a 'right or wrong' answer, a lot depends on personal circumstance and how you feel about it. I went back full time initially when DS was 11 months and found it too much, so I was fortunate enough to be able to drop to 3.5 days. For me it wasn't really the guilt as he loves childcare (although I know where you are coming from!), but that I found weekends so rushed trying to sort the house, meal prep, spend time with DS, go out as a family etc that it put pressure on all of us, and I didn't have a moment of time to just relax. That said, if I hadn't been able to go PT I would have stayed FT and no doubt found our own routine.

As long as your partner is supportive and willing to do half of house/child stuff, and if the job is a rare opportunity and worth it then go for it!

Ratatcat · 13/11/2020 18:28

I’ve had this dilemma a lot (do 4 days) and personally, full time feels a bit too much for me because I still want the option of after school activities for my eldest or being able to have some time with my youngest without the eldest taking over. Partly, it depends on your childcare options and thinking slightly longer term to school. In lots of ways, I’d be tempted to do the full time job with your 2 year old as nursery is easier than school abs then see if you could negotiate it down while you’re there

I’ve got a reception aged child and she loves after school club but is one of the few that goes from reception. It is a really long day. School holidays and inset days are also proving to be a challenge.

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