5 year old with a dummy

[ItsDynamite]

Hi all, now I know I might get eviscerated for this but my 5 year old still has a dummy. He gets it in the evening just before bed and uses it to fall asleep, (it normally falls out as soon as he's out,) he hasn't had it in the day for years, but he's still very attached to it at night time. My question is, am I completely crazy to let him continue? He really likes it and I'd feel cruel to take it away from him. It hasn't caused any problems with his teeth or anything. I know he's way too old for it, and I think he probably does too, but surely he won't still be needing it when he's 40?

Apart from the dummy, he's well ahead of a lot of children his age with most things. So AIBU to say it's not the end of the world and let him ditch it in his own time?

I think the best thing is to get rid of it really. I was terrified of trying to get my son to give up his. He was nearly three and was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Could you start talking to him about it and maybe aim to do it soon in exchange for a nice present?

We had similar with my 4 year old and we did a gradual withdrawal - he stopped having it for bedtime stories for a week, then he stopped having it falling asleep but it was to hand if he needed it in the night/morning, then we took.it away completely and if he did that he could have a new scooter (which he was getting anyway as it was August and he was starting school in September and needed it!). It may have drawn it out a bit but he got over it very quickly. He LOVED his soother. I mean really, really loved it. But he didn't need it and did move on swiftly after a few tough nights getting him to fall asleep without it.

You need to step up and be a strong mum. Take the dummy away. The only school-age children I know of who still hold onto dummies have something really nasty going on or has gone on at home. If that’s you, I’m sorry. Otherwise, your child can cope. Short term pain for long-term gain.

You need to get rid of it. I say that without judgement at all btw- no flaming from me. Going cold Turkey is the best way in my experience and I shamelessly bought my child’s compliance with a new toy of their choosing. It was all a lot easier than I expected it to be as well.

I too was terrified at the prospect of taking away the night time dummy as he slept so well with it. In the end the dentist told me to get rid, so we did. He was 3 at the time.

It really wasn't as bad as you think, I do think a 5 yr old with a dummy is a bit ridiculous, sorry!

We nicked it with a scissors and said nothing. Our eldest was 4 and only had it at night to get to sleep but I was concerned.

So he stopped getting any satisfaction from it and eventually, after about 2 or 3 months, he just started to not ask for it. We had it in a cupboard and put it behind the biscuits so sometimes he just forgot about it.

Worked a charm, with no trauma!

Yabu. At 5 it’s time for it to go.

Its not the end of the world, as long as its not damaging his teeth then its no different really to a comfort blanket or something. One thing I would say though is that you'd really be surprised how quick they get over losing a dummy. My eldest boy was so attached, would scream for it constantly, only settle with about 3 in reaching distance! Just after he turned 3 we read the book 'Ben gives up his dummy' to him for a few weeks and then set a date to remove all dummys from the house. He settled fine and woke up to a new toy. He asked about a dummy for a few days after but we just reminded him about the dummy fairies and he was fine with it.

I do think 5 is a bit too old. My DS got rid of his dummy in exchange for a Ben10 watch (the toy of the time) when he was 3. He wanted the watch far more than the dummy and he was massively attached to his dummy. Even at that age it was frowned upon altho he only had it at bed time. I do know someone who's child had a dummy and blanket at 9!

I used to have very strong opinions about dummies - and still do if they're misused. I.e. to stop a child from crying rather than give them comfort, etc.
However, one of mine had one for 17 months.
Two of mine still have 'snugglies' which they still use (18+) and I don't care. When they're ready they will stop.

If it gives him comfort, is barely used he'll stop of his own accord. Personally, I'd leave it.

As my mother said, no one walks down the aisle in nappies with a bottle in one hand and a dummy in the other!

Time to bite the bullet and get rid. If he lets slip at school that he still has a dummy at nighttime, rightly or wrongly, he'll be teased. Cold turkey is best with a reward at the end of the week for being a big boy.

I would be worried about teasing too. Sometimes you have to do difficult things as a parent for the benefit of your child.

Be careful ... you can generally see which children had a dummy when they were older by the shape of their teeth!

He only has it for a few minutes in private and it gives him comfort. He’s still so tiny and if it’s no affecting his speech or teeth ( and doubt it would with such a tiny window of usage) just let him grow out of it naturally. He’ll get there eventually and whilst he does it hurting no one, including himself.

Thanks for the replies, I wasn't expecting you to be so helpful. I very much doubt he'd tell anyone at school, as it's very much his secret, but I see your point. I kind of expected it to be a nightmare because he loves it so much, but with your experiences it seems a lot easier than I thought. I've never tried to get rid of it before, but I might try some bribery, I could maybe see him giving it up for a special treat.

I come from a family of thumb suckers. 2 of my siblings have terrible teeth because of it, while 3 of us are OK. Maybe it depends on the shape of the mouth and also how the thumb is sucked.

I imagine it is the same for a dummy.

As long as you can be sure it's not at the detriment of his speech and teeth, and you continue to monitor his teeth, then I'd be inclined to let him get on with it.

Once he starts doing sleepovers or school/cub camps you will need to explain he can't take it there.

I had a dummy until I was five, I didn't want anyone at school to know about it, so I kept it hidden in the front room.

As soon I came in from school I would go and get, but one day it wasn't there. I asked my mum where it was and she was quite nonchalant and said she didn't know. I remember being very upset and turning the house upside down looking for it. I remember pining and asking when my dummy was going to come back and then I asked less and less and then I don't remember any more about it. Once I'd got over my initial upset, I recall feeling a kind of relief that I didn't have to keep it a secret anymore.

I don't know if my mum handled it in the right way or not, but that's my dummy story.

I would try and get rid of it asap tbh. Not being judgy but they can delay speech and cause problems with teeth. My friend still sucks her thumb into her 30's and had to pay a lot of money to sort her teeth out because of this. I didn't use one at all with my DC, short term it might have made my life a bit easier but not worth it in the long run. Good luck.

How are his teeth?

Also, Google the Dummy fairy. You explain to your son that another, younger child needs the dummy. You leave it on the mantle piece at bedtime, with a note for the dummy fairy and in return she takes the dummy for a younger child and leaves a present for a big boy. I suppose a bit like the tooth fairy situation.

My son gave up his really late as well - also at 5 years old. I don’t think they will give it up by themselves at this age, they are too attached to it, I think you have to do it for them so to speak. I was dreading it but it didn’t go badly at all - we explained that he was too old, it would make his teeth stick out (and the dentist had earlier said the same to him)

I found out my partner (who I dont live with btw) son who is 8 still has a dummy and babies bottle at bed time when he sent me a picture of them both when he stayed at his house one weekend. It was a weird surprise.... 5 is not too bad compared to that. x

Christmas is coming, I expect Rudolf might like to take it to a baby?

Get rid of it - get something that he really wants on return but it needs to go. Mine was the same age with it at nighttime only but it has caused dental issues- he will need a lot of bracing. Dentist tells me it was almost certainly the dummy. School nurse made me see it needed to go. Do it on a Friday night so if you have a bad night you have the weekend to recover. Mine asked for it for a couple of nights but no major issues. Took a bit longer getting to sleep but no traumas. I’d binned them all including the emergency spare one so I wasn’t tempted to give in. Over and done with quickly but I should have gone it two years before. My eldest was a thumb sucker and although that went on longer at night he had not had anything like the same dental issues.