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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Impossible situation (trigger warning - sensitive content)

7 replies

Acdcccc · 13/11/2020 06:28

Long story short my parents divorced some time ago but have remained amicable.

father is disabled and no longer able to live on his own and I wanted to take him in but soon realised my flat is not suitable due to the stairs and lay out so my mum has felt pity for him and taken him which I was worried about due to how volatile their relationship was when they lived together but don't have many other options right now.

When I'm there looking after him he's on best behaviour but when my DM is there on her own with him he starts acting up by nit picking, being argumentative and trying it on with my DM (still won't accept its over)

Recently he's felt the need to confess to DM that when they were still together he sodomised her in her sleep.

DM was livid by this revalidation but refuses to believe this is even possible without her noticing it.

Whether he's telling the truth or lying it's hard to tell (if true then he raped my mum if not true he's gaslighting her which is also despicable), either way I am not happy to leave him living with my DM and have insisted he move in with me and I'll just have to make do but she doesn't want him disrupting my life so is effectively sacrificing HER wellbeing for my sake.

I really don't know what to do at this point as can't afford to put him in a home and he has no other family willing to help not sure i want him in my home now after his confession to my mum but also can't stand by and see him end up on the streets.

Really just needing to vent but happy to have advice from the mumsnet hivemind

OP posts:
mrscampbellblackagain · 13/11/2020 06:29

I would suggest speaking to adult social services about home/carers for him.

Neither you or your mum need to look after him.

Acdcccc · 13/11/2020 06:30

Sorry forgot to switch off voting

OP posts:
Acdcccc · 13/11/2020 06:34

Sorry should have mentioned in OP father is a foreign national so doesn't have access to public funds

I'll get hold of adult social services anyway see if there's any advice they can offer

Thank you for the suggest though MrsCampbell

OP posts:
mrscampbellblackagain · 13/11/2020 06:39

I hope they can be of some help, much sympathy as a horrible situation for you and your mum.

Hopefully someone will come along who can help further - age concern may also be of some help maybe.

Charleyhorses · 13/11/2020 06:53

So can he return to his home country?
Neither of you have to house him

GreenlandTheMovie · 13/11/2020 06:56

You have an admission to a crime. Why not involve the police? Charges are unlikely to be brought due to the lack of evidence, but it would provide justification for social services taking over the burden of looking after him. And prevent your poor mother from having to soldier through this.

Acdcccc · 13/11/2020 07:18

@Charleyhorses he could but would end up on the streets, there is no one left there to help him. Feel so conflicted for carrying about his wellbeing but at the same time disgusted in his behaviour and actions

@GreenlandTheMovie i did consider involving the cops but my DM is in total denial plus is an insanely private person so doubt she'd even entertain the idea

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