DS 12 worrying that he isn’t clever

[Allthestarsarecloser]

Aibu to ask how to deal with this?

DS 12 has been upset today because some kid in school (who is in the top set in maths) said to DS ‘here comes the thick kid in the bottom set’ and it’s totally knocked my DS.
He’s been crying saying all evening saying he doesn’t want to be average & that he wants to be good at something. Kids can be so mean!
I don’t really know how he is getting on academically as we have had no feedback at all from the school- I have asked the teacher. I know he isn’t great at maths (neither was I) but I still scraped a c in maths, got 3 Alevels & went to uni - he really wants to go to uni but he’s just spiralled downwards after this comment & keeps saying he is too stupid etc. I could throttle the kid that said it to him!

He’s 12. Years yet before uni.
Tell him to ignore the other boy’s comments and to try his best.

Have you read 'You Are Awesome' with him? It's brilliant and discusses growth mindset, and how you can choose to be Kid Average or Kid Awesome.

By Matthew Syed

That makes me so sad. My DS says this about himself too. He is the youngest in his year by 4 months. I never know what to say to him. Is ‘I am awesome’ good for 7 year olds?

Oh God that's so bitchy and rude of the boy. How unkind. Could you contact the form tutor or maths teacher and say your ds has had his confidence badly knocked by a comment and ask how he is doing in maths or ask what his strengths are to give him a confidence boost?

Poor boy. He sounds as though he has a great mum though! Could you afford him some tutoring from a kindly confidence boosting person? An enthusiastic sixth former or something?

Work on ds resilience. Teens can be insensitive twats. I always tell my kids that you cant control other peoples actions or what they say but we can control how we react and how we feel. Guessing this kid has hit a nerve about something your dc is worried about. Could you afford a maths tutor to give him more confidence? If not perhaps online programme

Am going to order the book recommended and also maybe think about a maths tutor. The kid that said that to him is in top sets for stuff so a bit cocky I think- god, it’s so hierarchical isn’t it?
Have also emailed form tutor to ask her to talk to my DS

Hmm, sorry your son is feeling bad.

1. the other kid is being unpleasant, so he wants telling to stfu, hopefully the teacher can do that
2. you need some clear info about whether your child has potential to get out of the bottom set. If they can, you should try to help him achieve that - because he is saying he wants to do better.

@BefuddledPerson yes, I have emailed his maths teacher too to ask about attainment & to see where he is at. He says he finds the maths they do easy so will see what teacher says - I also don’t want him to be in the wrong class as that could also affect his confidence

A random grandma from the internet thinks he's great exactly as he is and hopes he has a better day today.

@Hailtomyteeth

A random grandma from the internet thinks he's great exactly as he is and hopes he has a better day today.

Oh a very nice message