AIBU to want a relationship with my only sibling ?

[jmrsmargate]

Long one sorry!

My brother and I are nearly 13 years apart I have some fond memories of him as a child, however not many, as when I was growing up he was at uni etc- he was the apple of my mother's eye and I always felt inferior to him iykwim.

I did all the normal things in my teenage years, clubs boys drink messed about a bit but nothing serious all teenage stuff but my brother really disapproved of my lifestyle and made that very clear at the time.

Both my mum and dad had died by the time I was 23 and I struggled to cope- I've always been very independent and had a boyfriend at the time but I felt I was still very young to be orphaned but I didn't really get much support from my brother as he had a wife and family- I went off the rails for a year or two- nothing serious just not working etc and now I know I was suffering from depression.

Fast forward a few years and I had settled down with a long term partner (15 years) and built a successful career , kept in touch with my brother but he had children and lived approx 100 miles away so didn't see him very often, I've never asked him for anything money etc, however when my relationship broke down I really struggled and needed some support, he came to my house once ( the only time) and met up with me once in London ( he lives there) for a few hours and that was it- I was left to carry on.

Over the last 5 years contact has now been very minimal - I always send birthday cards and Xmas cards with gifts for my Niece and nephew but I rarely get a card although I do get a text.

My brother is 58 now and I'm worried I'm running out of time to connect with him- when we do text it's very superficial on his part, he doesn't ask me whether I'm seeing anyone of how my life is going , however I don't offer the information to him either.

I know this all sounds very selfish but I don't want to miss my opportunity to bond with him ( he is my only direct family) however I still carry this feeling he is disappointed in me , doesn't think I'm good enough and is disapproving of my choices, and I don't want negative people in my life.

What do I do?

Write to him and tell him what you want.
Then it’s entirely up to him. If he replies “no” or doesn’t reply at all then you know where you stand.
Good luck though.

Sorry to be harsh. Give up. He could have made more of an effort when your parents died and he didn't. He could have made more of effort when you were struggling. He didn't. It must be hard but unfortunately as the older one he would have made the effort if he wanted to.

I have younger brothers by 8, 12 and 15 years. I've made the effort with the oldest two and hopefully they'll keep the bond going. The youngest is really too far apart in age and it hasn't worked out. Not personal - just one of those things.

I think maybe time to invest some energy and compassion into yourself OP.
Families are often no more than genetic accidents.
Find your core, dig into your roots, you are a whole person in your own right, and you don't always need family to validate that.
I have no family support, my only sister lives abroad and I have seen her twice in the past 30 years. She doesn;t communicate at all- no birthday cards, no message when my kids were born.
But it doesn't matter.

Bugger her- and bugger your brother.
It's their loss.

Maybe that’s just him and how he is as opposed to being anything to do with you? Maybe he’s perfectly happy with the relationship and doesn’t see anything wrong?

My brother doesn’t go in for emotions or big long in depth chats. Texting has been a godsend as we can check in with each other and share jokes. Anything more would tip him over the edge! That’s just his way.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care, he’s just different and sometimes that can be hard to accept when we get bombarded with images of how siblings can be. Also, my brother moved out when I was quite young so hasn’t quite realised that I’m a middle aged woman rather than a bratty teenager!

Thanks all, I really am an independent person and have built a life without the support of family ( my brother is my only family) however it does make me sad that I may never have a relationship with him.

I'm not married ( in LTR) and don't have children (yet) so maybe that adds to the feeling?

We don't hate each other its just indifference

@PapsofJura I think that's how my brother sees me I'm still the teenager drinking too much and staying out too late when In fact I'm in 40's now and boring!