Birthday Collections WWYD

[FanFckingTastic]

This is probably more of a WWYD but there doesn't seem to be a section for that! Here's the dilemma.... I have a group of friends that all participate in the same hobby as me - we are all friends but have also been a little thrown together because the hobby that we share is the real reason that we have contact with each other. Normally we don't particularly recognize birthdays unless they are big milestones. We wish each other happy birthday etc but there are no presents or cards etc. One of the group is the 'leader', in as much as she is paid to organise the hobby that we all participate in - it's her business. She has a birthday coming up and one of her closer friends in the group has suggested that we all contribute to a collection and get her a present as she's had a 'difficult year'. I don't mind this particularly, however it was literally two other group member's birthdays less than a week ago, but these were not acknowledged at all.

I have no problem with contributing for birthdays, but part of me thinks that if we celebrate one, then we should be celebrating all of them so I'm now really torn on what to do... For context I've had miserable year with the death of my Dad so it could well be that I'm just being a miserable cow and just need to suck it up and contribute to the present!

Presents are not about who has had the most difficult year You should want to give one, or contribute to one, because you want to, not because you feel sorry for them.

So I think YANBU over the contribution to the presents as just because she is the “leader” doesn’t mean everyone has to suck up to her if they don’t do the same for “lesser” members but also I think YABU for thinking you deserve more presents than she does based on what you’ve both been through in the last 12 months.

In fact, I would go as far to say we are doing this for everyone or we are doing it for no one.

@dickbastardly just to clarify I don't think for a second that I should deserve a present because I've lost my Dad. I just wanted to explain that my head is bit all over the place at the moment because of his death, and therefore I might just be more of a miserable cow than usual.

Sorry @FanFckingTastic I misunderstood the last part of your post the first time around, you are NBU. I don’t think you’re being a miserable cow either, with all things aside, I still think it should be “for everybody” or “for nobody” and not “well this person is the leader so they get one” or “this person has been in the group since day 1 so they get one but this person has only been here for 4 months so they don’t.” Sorry you’ve had a bad year, hopefully next one is an improvement

I think it should be recognise every birthday or no ones. No one should be more important/ favoured than anyone else.

Definitely everybody or nobody

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say on the chat that as you don't normally celebrate each others birthdays, it might be better not to start now, especially as money is tight for many.

I am sure someone else will be able to compose a good text for you!

Don't get drawn in. It's messy and not needed. I would also add that lots of you have had a difficult year.