to have a fantasy of starting all over again...

[crochetmonkey74]

The pandemic, perimenopause, bereavement etc etc have left me feeling out of touch with myself- I feel like a different person- I feel disconnected from friends, hate all my clothes (don't even know what my style is anymore) I love my DP but have a fantasy of getting rid of everything, moving to a new town and just having a total reinvention- I am lucky in many ways- I like my (steady) job and I am financially secure so I could actually really do this- but I know it is probably just a knee jerk to feeling low/ a bit depressed - does anyone ever feel the same?

Yes, not infrequently. My fantasy is just to leave the house and keep walking. At the moment when everything is just so... samey.
Not sure what you can do about it though.

Try and find some things to look forward to. Maybe you could choose one thing that causes you dissatisfaction and try to do something about that. You mentioned clothes - you could do an online appointment with a personal stylist, for instance. I appreciate that may not be your thing, but it's just to show that it's still possible to do some stuff.

Yes good idea! Have just done an online shop of some new stuff- I think this could be a good step- Thank you!

You've summed up exactly how I feel. I've sat down today and written all the things I feel grateful for to try and reign in the perspective a little. It helped a little, but I'm still fighting rising anxiety throughout the day. I thought I was doing really well with all the changes this year, but have realised that the lack of social interaction, freedom from the house and inability to plan for anything is really starting to weigh me down. And I have been thinking for a few months how wonderful it would be to just up and leave, find a small, remote cottage and live simply.

Walking along a high street recently, there was a busking string quartet playing. So many people just stopped to listen (more I thought, than might normally) and I felt myself becoming slowly overwhelmed with emotion (not 'Sistine Chapel' overwhelmed, just a little tearful). I realised how much I missed not just hearing live music but having that little, simple connection with strangers around me. And I think it's all adding to this disconnected feeling you describe so perfectly, for me at least.

coffee it feels awful doesn't it, like you've sort of lost yourself and need to purge everything to find yourself again
I do think lots of it is the pandemic, lots of our coping has been taken away. The inability to plan is massive for me , this would be how I would normally cope, planning things and having something to look forward to