About this counsellor

[Allthestarsarecloser]

I am trying to find a counsellor at the moment & feel like it obviously needs to be someone I am going to like/ trust.

Had an initial meeting with one the other day as a ‘get to know’ that I paid for & she was nice but I wasn’t sure. I thought about it for 24 hours & then decided it wasn’t right so let her know. Then I got quite a passive agressive email back about how I could have told her my concerns etc. Just not nice.

Aibu to think it’s not very professional & that actually it’s really down to me who I feel I can open up to about my life etc. It’s left me feeling weird/guilty etc

Difficult to say if yabu without knowing the content of the email. But it is true that it is up to you as a paying customer and you shouldn't have to justify yourself.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. Anyone in any sort of health care or wellness occupation knows that there needs to be a ‘click’ and sometimes there just isn’t. It certainly doesn’t mean anything negative about the service provider, only that they can’t be all things to all people. Nobody can!

Seems to me that the reply only serves to confirm that you were right, she’s not the one for you.

She’s certainly confirmed she’s not the right choice! I don’t think counsellor is a protected title OP in the same way a psychologist is. So anyone can call themselves one, and may not have the training or professionalism to respond appropriately.

Are you sure you’re not seeing things that aren’t there (hence the need for the counsellor?)

Yes that’s terrible and pretty weird of her. You’re completely right to shop around for a counsellor.

Charming comment from the user with the apt username.

Would just ignore the email, OP, and seek someone else, eg BACP qualified.

I think most decent counsellors would want you to feel comfortable with the match and wouldn’t want to continue if you weren’t. She shouldn’t take it personally.

You definitely need to find someone who you feel comfortable with, and even if she didn't intend her email to come across that way, she clearly isn't the right fit for you. Take your time to find someone that is a better fit.

FWIW, I think that any good counsellor should want you to go away and reflect after an initial session, and should accept that you don't wish to engage further with her.

It’s difficult to say without seeing the actual words used, but of course if you felt her communication wasn’t right for you then of course you don’t have to see her. Is it possible she was trying to say she was open to discussing your concerns in-session and regrets that you weren’t able to say them then?

Also, there is no such thing as a “BACP qualified counsellor”, BACP are a membership body and do not run qualifying courses.

Is it possible she was trying to say she was open to discussing your concerns in-session and regrets that you weren’t able to say them then?

It’s a fair question but given that the first session was a paid one, I can’t see any reasonable person wanting to invest more money in discussing their concerns about the counsellor before even being able to discuss the issues that brought them there in the first place.

I suppose it depends what the concerns were? I didn’t mean investing more money or spending another session on the concerns, I meant discussing the concerns during that initial meeting that OP had.

Sorry, I see what you mean! That was my poor reading comprehension

No worries!

Well, she clearly isn’t the right therapist for you now.

But yes, I agree, the email was unnecessary.

I've worked with a huge amount of counsellors over the years and whilst some are amazing and I truly believe that they have had huge impact on their clients. Others quite frankly are horrific. Some I've seen (and dismissed from posts in statutory services ) are entirely self involved and became counsellors to satisfy their own needs for validation. This is entirely the sort of thing they would do.

Mostly (but not without exception) BACP accredited counsellors are good because they have to have certain levels of supervision under certain guidelines. I find the ex colleagues and friends who are good counsellors fully understand that sometimes their style or therapeutic model use simply isn't a match and that is fine.

The batshit ones take it personally because they have a God complex.

I would ignore and look for a more suited one.

Also, there is no such thing as a “BACP qualified counsellor”, BACP are a membership body and do not run qualifying courses.

But presumably you have to have reached a certain level of qualification to be admitted as a member? So BACP membership guarantees that a counsellor is suitably qualified? Genuine question, as I don't know!

@HunkyPunk

Also, there is no such thing as a “BACP qualified counsellor”, BACP are a membership body and do not run qualifying courses.

But presumably you have to have reached a certain level of qualification to be admitted as a member? So BACP membership guarantees that a counsellor is suitably qualified? Genuine question, as I don't know!

That's a fair point but they do have to demonstrate certain criteria to be admitted.

Although I grant you my information is a couple of years old but I would be very surprised if it had changed dramatically.

I know of at least one "school" that BACP do not consider delivering the right level of content. There have in the past been issues with their students joining BACP after course completion because their teaching is so awful.

Not professional at all and even more indiction that your judgement was right! Well done, @Allthestarsarecloser!

I looked at websites, reviews and spoke to several before I was sure I found the right one. There were several I knew weren't right very early on. The one I chose was wonderful, and just what I needed when coping with a loss. But she was the 3rd or 4th enquiry.

@HunkyPunk

Also, there is no such thing as a “BACP qualified counsellor”, BACP are a membership body and do not run qualifying courses.

But presumably you have to have reached a certain level of qualification to be admitted as a member? So BACP membership guarantees that a counsellor is suitably qualified? Genuine question, as I don't know!

Yes, you do have to reach a certain level of qualification to be admitted as a member, but the BACP do not run courses themselves.

So you can be a BACP member because you are qualified, but your qualification did not come from the BACP.

Also there are LOADS of membership bodies out there, with similar (or higher) requirements for membership. It's just that the BACP is the most well-known.