To feel judged?

[PriceEmUp]

About going back to work. DD is nearly a year old and I’ve gone back to work full time.

I’ve had so many “you’re brave” “why full time?” “I can’t believe you leave her all week!” “Do you not miss her every day?”

Of course I miss her, but I also don’t want to live in extreme poverty if we don’t have to. I’m starting to feel really down like people are seeing me as I don’t care about DD and am happy to just leave her every day.

I don’t really know what my question is.. maybe - AIBU to tell people who say the above to bugger off?

I'd be asking them if they ask her other parent that. No one ever expresses surprise at the dads continuing full time after children

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

I'd be asking them if they ask her other parent that. No one ever expresses surprise at the dads continuing full time after children

I do, I make a point of it after seeing the mothers I've worked with being judged, questioned, talked about behind their backs etc. If a child isn't being abused or neglected people shouldn't judge their parenting IMHO, unfortunately I'm often told it's fine to judge parents (mothers) for 'poor parenting' and I just don't understand because I'm child free but I disagree, a vast majority of mother are doing their best with a tiny minority neglecting or abusing their children and there's worse things to judge than a mother working or a kid eating chicken nuggets!

I had this from everyone at work, including a company director who assured me that one the baby was here, I'd want to quit. I knew that not working wasn't an option and it made me feel like shit

I went back 30 hours when he was four months old, my partner is in uni so I am the breadwinner and a girl from church had him two mornings a week. We've got a really good work life balance so the necessity of me working doesn't feel like a chore, but it does weigh on my heart that some people think it should.

Dreadful! I'm so sick of people feeling entitled to comment on the choices of mothers. It is literally none of their business. I would give them a smart ass response like 'no, I hate my kid'.

Even now 11 years later, my MIL still slips in sly digs about how amazing her DD my Sil is for not working and spending time with her dd, but then we also have to hear about how 'poor' sil cant afford a holiday this year, poor sil cant treat her DD to as many days out as we do with our dd.

Its swings and roundabouts unless you really dont need to go back to work. Let the haters hate and just do what's best for you.

@PriceEmUp

My plan was to stay home for a fair bit longer, until she was old enough to get free childcare hours. But A) I do miss work I have to be honest.. and B) we’ve had unexpected costs that means we are now totally broke so I don’t have a choice.

I went back before my child was 4mths. Technically 4 days but my job is such that I work some weekend days, sometimes have to work away for a couple of weeks back to back and sometimes the day off needs utilising. Other times work is quiet and I can clock off early.

Just ignore judgemental people. Its the quality of your parenting that matters. I do it because it makes me a better parent and person as I wouldnt be myself otherwise given my passion for my job. I do it for financial reasons too. My child is loved and cared for and gets a bucket load of quality time with both myself and my partner. She isn't missing out

Don't ever go onto a thread which is stay at home or working outside the home.
Some people's views are so extreme on both sides of that argument.