To refuse my sons Dad overnight contact

[rainbowsong]

I have 2 boys 2yrs old and 4 months.
I split with their Dad when baby was around 2 months old. We were rocky before add a baby with severe reflux and it ended.

One of my reasons for leaving was that he really couldn't cope with the baby's constant screaming. And by constant I mean literally 24/7. He lost his temper once screamed at baby to shut up and kicked a hole in the door that was me done.

I know you'll all disagree but he is a good dad, I've never ever had concerns with him with my eldest (or me, that is the one and only time I ever saw him loose his temper in 10years) he adores him and was always hands on with him. He has the toddler for weekends and sleepovers. We don't have a set routine he tends to have him fri-sun every other weekend and depending on plans 1 night the other weekend. He comes to mine regularly in the week to see the baby. He always stays for a coffee at drop off/ pick up to see the baby.

He now wants to have the baby overnight the same as the toddler. Im not sure.. he still suffers with reflux and although not as often can still have relentless screaming fits. I'm worried incase he looses his temper again.

He says he won't, he says he was struggling with our relationship, his business struggling because of covid and the loss of his uncle he says he's getting support from counselling, I have no evidence of this so I don't know if it's true.

Am I being unreasonable saying no? My mum says I'm punishing him for a one off incident but what if that one off happened a second time and I'm not there?!

Not being judgemental towards your ex because we have all flipped out. However the childs safety is paramount and your ex needs to know this. To be fair it seems that you are both trying so hard to be good parents do good luck to you both

Dealing with a screaming baby is very, very difficult at times. I struggled with my first baby for the same reason. Her crying was relentless and I believe helped contribute to my PND.
OP the incident with ten door happened only 2 months ago. I would very, very slowly start letting him have baby for short periods on his own but definitely no overnights just yet. It's difficult to get any support late at night if you are struggling. As a mum you have to follow your instincts.

Those of you saying 4 months is too young to be away from mum, no it's not, if both parents agree and are comfortable with it. Obviously not in the OP situation but it may be the right decision for others.

Baby far too tiny to be away from primary caregiver

No. And tbh he shouldn’t be even pushing it.

I would not have allowed my 4 month old to stay overnight away from me no matter what the circum

Circumstances!

I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving mine overnight at 4 months, even without the hole in the wall incident. Trust your instinct and agree overnights once you’re feeling more comfortable about it. And definitely once baby is sleeping through. When you’re ready, can exH practice putting baby to sleep for weekend naps at your house? And spend plenty of time at exH’s place, including naps, before any overnights

Do you have a spare room he could stay at yours and you just stay out of the way unless it gets very loud? Moving the baby’s Moses or whatever in with him so it’s as if he has them alone.

The sleeping through arquement is stuipid. Mine were over year when they slept through.

@june2007

The sleeping through arquement is stuipid. Mine were over year when they slept through.

mine was 4..

He only sees the baby an hour at a time a few times a week. That's not being a good dad, he shouldn't be able to bear to be apart from the baby, want to see him every day for much longer. Would you only see your baby a few hours a week and think you were a good mum?