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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to not send my child to school because he has coldsores

58 replies

Yorkshiremummyof1 · 11/11/2020 07:19

Every since my son was tiny he's has flare ups of coldsores and they get pretty bad. I mean half of his mouth, they used to spread down his chin, up towards his nose. Doctor has never helped bar telling us to use Zovirax. Hopefully today on our telephone appointment we might get virus suppressants but I don't know if children are allowed those.

Anyway he had a flare up at the weekend, and I know the NHS advice is children can go to school but I don't trust his hygiene management and he was quite distressed with how he looks. Children can be mean and he'd have been really upset if he was being teased. To make matters worse, on Monday he did that thing where you suck your lip into a bottle and end up with a massive bruise on his top lip so his face looks a state. I mean he looks like he's been punched and has blisters all over his mouth.

I'm usually strict with going to school, he rarely has any time off. It's now Wednesday and he still doesn't want to go back. His blisters have split so are scans (blood) and his bruise hasn't faded. It doesn't look AS bad but he thinks children will say he's the coronavirus monster.

His dad and my exmil are saying he's fine from photos but I also know how hard it was for him to settle into his new school and he had major anxiety for the first year after I left his dad.

I want to protect him from people associating him with the "lurgy" but education is important. He's been off two days and I'm just not sure, should I send him back today even if it would upset him? Do I wait for it to completely clear?

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 11/11/2020 07:22

I suffered with coldsores as a child. I'd keep him off. Kids are mean. It could be very distressing for him. Just make sure he is keeping up. Maybe email the teacher for work?

Jammysod · 11/11/2020 07:22

Can you speak to school about it? They may be able to offer a solution?

CupoTeap · 11/11/2020 07:24

Poor thing, I get them and had some terrible experiences as a child.

Can he eat and drink ok?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/11/2020 07:25

You send him back. If these flare ups happen regularly you can't keep him off school every time. Dont really understand why he already had 2 days off. You are teaching him (and his peers) that appearance is important enough to miss school, what kind of message is that?

AutumnSummersBuffysCousin · 11/11/2020 07:25

I would keep him off. He is likely to be feeling pretty crap with that going on as it is. Also with the worry of how he looks all day he’s unlikely to learn very much.

parrotonmyshoulder · 11/11/2020 07:26

Keep him off and do whatever home learning is available.

Otamot · 11/11/2020 07:26

No way would I keep him off.

Northernsoullover · 11/11/2020 07:27

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland cold sores are painful and make you fucking miserable. I'd keep him off. I wouldn't want them transmitted either.

Patbutcherismyhero · 11/11/2020 07:29

I had a cold sore outbreak recently and honestly I just wanted to hide away. I felt so self conscious and I'm a grown woman! I bet it's awful for a child. He will likely be feeling quite unwell with it too so I'd keep him off and home school for this week but insist that he will have to go back next week by which time hopefully there'll be a big improvement.
I know it perhaps sets a bad precedent but it wouldn't feel right to me to send my dc knowing he was distressed and likely to get mean comments.

midnightstar66 · 11/11/2020 07:30

I'd keep him off tbh slightly dependant on age. If he's under 8 definitely. If they are that bad I'd be worried about transmission to other dc too. It's probably painful for him to eat etc

LivingInTheFog · 11/11/2020 07:30

he thinks children will say he's the coronavirus monster

I would keep him off because of this. I'd probably tell the school that they're so bad he can't eat and drink easily so he will be staying home until they've healed enough.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/11/2020 07:30

I’d keep him off too.

44PumpLane · 11/11/2020 07:32

How old is your son OP as that could be relevant.

If he's old enough to work independently then perhaps get him to get work off his friends and get him to work at home.

If he's tiny then again I probably wouldn't send him in if there is any chance he'd be contagious.

I'd say between 5 and 12 ish I'd probably send him in as although kids might be a bit snarky the chances of it sticking with him are very low and education is important. There is a very good chance he will be missing another chunk of school at some point with all the covid 2 week class isolations so unless I could guarantee him keeping up with work I'd be very reluctant to have him off school.

Tamingofthehamster · 11/11/2020 07:33

Could he wear a mask the whole time? How old is he?

Yorkshiremummyof1 · 11/11/2020 07:35

I've never kept him off before but we always seemed to catch them quite early and this is the first time they've cracked into bloody scabs. His mouth is a state! We are trying to keep him hydrated and use vaseline on his lips but they just keep cracking. He can eat and drink but he will catch them every now and then, which hurts and doesn't look pleasant.

I think perhaps I'll keep him at home this week then and email the school for some work. With any luck the new doctor will have a solution. We've sat down and gone through why it's important to use tissues because the virus lives up your nose, why it's important to get enough sleep and drink enough water. He's been cleaning his face and moisturising it himself so hopefully if he gets into a better routine now he understands the potential causes.

I feel awful knowing I probably gave it to him when he was a baby!

OP posts:
Yorkshiremummyof1 · 11/11/2020 07:35

Oh he's 9 by the way

OP posts:
LadyMinerva · 11/11/2020 07:35

Anyone that is saying that you should send him was clearly never bullied at school. If
it's as bad as you are describing I would keep him home. He will get teased, and it will continue. Once you've been given a name or a reputation it sticks. And the mental scars that come with that will likely last him a lifetime. Keep him home and shower him with love and reminders of his self worth.

peakygal · 11/11/2020 07:35

My DD has suddenly started the bruise thing from a bottle so I know how that can look! Currently for the first time in years I developed a coldsore and its so big and really painful. It makes you very self conscious and kids can be cruel so I would keep him home

LG101 · 11/11/2020 07:35

I’m a big pro for sending kids to school regardless however I would keep him off! There’s loads of kids in and out of school at the moment due to Covid and bubbles etc

He feel awful, probably looks awful and it will all heal if he keeps his stress levels down.

I would however get him to do chores round the house, it is a free pass

Puzzlelover · 11/11/2020 07:37

Poor kid! Cold sores are horrible and you do feel rough with them.
I'd keep him off too.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/11/2020 07:38

I was bullied at school and had a facial birthmark as a child that was quite unsightly so actually I do understand.

It's not a reason to miss school. It's a reason the school should be intervening to ensure he isnt bullied for his appearance.

38weekswithno2 · 11/11/2020 07:39

I'd keep him off.

I remember getting impetigo once on my face as a child and I was really grateful that my parents let me stay off.

Stegasaurusmum · 11/11/2020 07:40

Poor boy, it sounds horrible. I've got yet another breakout now and have had one weekly since I started wearing masks all day at work. It's difficult because it's going to ake at least 5 days to clear up, the can ake ages to heal. I think I'd keep him off though.
Have you tried lysine? You can get it as a cream and a table, it shortens the length and severity of a breakout and I find if I take it quick enough it stops them developing. I've also found an antiseptic cream helps. My mum gets them terribly and she swears by lysine.

Sunshiney1981 · 11/11/2020 07:41

If it was mine I’d keep them off. It’s not like you’d be doing it for no reason.
He must feel rotten with them all round his mouth.
And I presume he must be ‘run down’ if he’s got so many? I’m not sure exactly how they work but aren’t they linked to the immune system?

triceratops12 · 11/11/2020 07:46

I'd keep him off, it'll get better quicker if he isn't stressed and can care for them appropriately at home.